Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML
by Punk / 06/07/2011 at 4:07pm / United States / Intimacy
afdude87's comment : sounds like she's immature. probably shouldn't be bangin that kinda drama anyway.
Today, after spending thousands of dollars and several years pursuing a higher education so I could get a high paying job doing something that requires skill and brainpower, I finally got my first job offer after months of searching. I will be cleaning houses. FML
by disappointed / 06/07/2011 at 1:05pm / United States (Idaho) / Work
Today, my Facebook was hacked. The hacker messaged all my online friends, explaining that "I" was overseas, had run out of money and needed help. Not one person cared enough to respond. I guess the hacker picked the wrong target. FML
by Username / 06/07/2011 at 8:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Money
by Sickinbed / 06/07/2011 at 6:27am / United States (New York) / Health
by S. Tucker / 06/07/2011 at 5:28am / United States / Love
Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML
by Kate / 06/07/2011 at 3:50am / United States (California) / Intimacy
perdix's comment : Smack it a few times and say, "Is this thing on?" That'll stop him. Unless he's into S S S S, M M M.
by Username / 06/07/2011 at 2:51am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Fx13mz's comment : I'm stealing that line from him.
by IloveMaroon5 / 06/07/2011 at 2:48am / United States (Texas) / Work
by mongoosemike / 06/07/2011 at 1:55am / Miscellaneous
by Maddie110110 / 06/07/2011 at 12:43am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. They responded by laughing hysterically and my mother said "You guys suck, good luck making it past auditions". FML
by sherronj / 06/06/2011 at 11:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/06/2011 at 7:20pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML
by Danielle / 06/06/2011 at 3:00pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous