Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML

by S. Tucker / 06/07/2011 at 5:28am / United States / Love

Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML

by Kate / 06/07/2011 at 3:50am / United States (California) / Intimacy

perdix's comment : Smack it a few times and say, "Is this thing on?" That'll stop him. Unless he's into S S S S, M M M.

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Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear "it's not gonna suck itself." FML

by Username / 06/07/2011 at 2:51am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Fx13mz's comment : I'm stealing that line from him.

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Today, I found out that if your boss deletes you off Facebook, it's probably not a good sign. FML

by IloveMaroon5 / 06/07/2011 at 2:48am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I walked downstairs, made a bowl of hot cereal, and held a full conversation with my brother's girlfriend, before I finally put two and two together and realized I hadn't put any pants on. FML

by mongoosemike / 06/07/2011 at 1:55am / Miscellaneous

babyyappld's comment : at the beginning I thought you were just reciting the Rebecca Black lyrics

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Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

by Maddie110110 / 06/07/2011 at 12:43am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. They responded by laughing hysterically and my mother said "You guys suck, good luck making it past auditions". FML

by sherronj / 06/06/2011 at 11:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had sex with a Juggalo. FML

by Anonymous / 06/06/2011 at 7:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML

by Danielle / 06/06/2011 at 3:00pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn't have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML

by Someguy / 06/06/2011 at 2:55pm / Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex in his car. He got out of the car and moved to the passenger seat with me. As he shut the door, it slammed against my fingers, breaking one of them. He then asked if we could still have sex. FML

by JayFri / 06/06/2011 at 1:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my mum was filling out a reference for me as I work in the family business. When it came to naming two of my strengths, she asked me what to put as she couldn't think of anything. FML

by surefeelslikelove / 06/06/2011 at 12:01pm / Work

Today, I ran into an old high school friend while out with my husband. When she inquired who I was married to, I pointed to my husband, who was looking at shirts. She laughed and said "No really?", insinuating that I couldn't get anyone that good looking. FML

by Mick / 06/06/2011 at 10:18am / Love