Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML

#5588493
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27822) - you deserved it (19890)

On 10/01/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by mushroommouth (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML

#5586348
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40442) - you deserved it (5181)

On 10/01/2009 at 4:07pm - misc - by dumbass (man) - United States (Pennsylvania) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I lent my parents a copy of "The Dark Knight", saying it was one of my favorite movies so they needed to watch it. A bit later my mom called... Apparently my roommate wanted to watch it as well, but couldn't find the case to his porno and decided to just use the Batman case instead. FML

#5585947
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35369) - you deserved it (4971)

On 10/01/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by Broly171 (man) - United States (Iowa) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I was at my son's baseball game when a foul ball came flying toward my brand new car. In an attempt to save my windshield, I dove onto trying to stop the ball only to land on my windshield, crack it and see the ball land safely on the ground next to my car. FML

#5584861
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9294) - you deserved it (35113)

On 10/01/2009 at 2:27pm - misc - by baseball25635 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that I can't shave my unibrow because I have too much acne on my forehead. FML

#5583286
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50680) - you deserved it (9500)

On 10/01/2009 at 11:49am - health - by ugh (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, during an argument with my daughter she screamed "everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML

#5582438
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36416) - you deserved it (6105)

On 10/01/2009 at 10:25am - animals - by unloved (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML

#5582253
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9342) - you deserved it (32356)

On 10/01/2009 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, it was my wedding day. Everything went great, except that no one showed up. Apparently, the address of the invitation was typed wrong. FML

#5581956
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35070) - you deserved it (15053)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:28am - misc - by notmarriedyet (woman) - United States (Georgia) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I walked into my brother's house to see him unshaven and still in pyjamas eating ice-cream straight from the tub. I said jokingly, "You're lucky you have your wife, no one else could love you." His wife had just told him she was leaving him for her orthodontist. FML

Today, on facebook, I realized I had over 500 friends. I told my one friend and she changed her status to "How can Dan have over 500 facebook friends? Nobody even likes him" there were 42 likes, and twenty comments that said "agreed." FML

#5581051
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36006) - you deserved it (11100)

On 10/01/2009 at 6:33am - misc - by notliked (man) - United States (Georgia) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc... and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personallities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML

#5580795
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32254) - you deserved it (9302)

On 10/01/2009 at 5:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realized how much I'm on the computer. I tried to "CTRL+Z" on something I wrote down on my paper. FML

#5580319
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8308) - you deserved it (35551)

On 10/01/2009 at 3:56am - misc - by slcbabii23 (woman) - United States (Missouri) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I went to my former high school's homecoming game. A classmate who I always had a crush on looks up and goes "Brian!", holding her arms out for a hug. I hug her and she seems a bit suprised but hugs back anyway. I get up and see another Brian from our class behind me. Shame. FML

#5579977
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37393) - you deserved it (3809)

On 10/01/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by Jusawkward - United States (Missouri)



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