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Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm and I saw and smelled smoke coming under my door. My second story window wouldn't unlock so I broke it open, threw out as many of my belongings as I could, and jumped. Turns out, the smell and noise were from my roomates cheap vacuum cleaner, not a fire. FML

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

#6089895
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21157) - you deserved it (2532)

On 10/31/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by thornrose22 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I was conceived during a conjugal visit. FML

#6089701
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31787) - you deserved it (2673)

On 10/31/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

#6089311
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24608) - you deserved it (5781)

On 10/31/2009 at 7:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I bought fifteen bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters. I sat outside with a bowl of candy the whole night. Only one person came. FML

#6088334
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31749) - you deserved it (6528)

On 10/31/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by trick or not treat - Sent from mobile version

Today, my good buddy of about two years set me up on a blind date. I got to the meeting point and realized that my date was a guy. My "buddy" honestly thought I was gay. FML

#6086558
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32209) - you deserved it (3920)

On 10/31/2009 at 4:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML

#6086492
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6592) - you deserved it (31512)

On 10/31/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by Lexi - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

#6086009
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43119) - you deserved it (6028)

On 10/31/2009 at 3:40pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I left my hammer outside after putting up my 'for sale' sign in front of my house. I realised and went outside to get it. The hammer had been used to smash my car window and steal stuff inside. FML

#6085563
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26916) - you deserved it (6211)

On 10/31/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by dogsickftl - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday gifts. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML

#6084387
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26967) - you deserved it (3468)

On 10/31/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by Morgannaken (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML

#6084223
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27594) - you deserved it (7144)

On 10/31/2009 at 1:32pm - kids - by apparentnerd (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a 24-hour taco shop, while he was wearing a tee-shirt that says "F*** Me I'm Famous." FML

#6083717
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30752) - you deserved it (8738)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my sister had her first kiss. She was very excited and she told me all about it. She then asked me to tell her about the first time I kissed a guy, what it was like, who it was with, etc. I had to make one up. I have never been kissed before. My sister is 6 years younger than me. FML

#6083113
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34722) - you deserved it (5522)

On 10/31/2009 at 11:59am - misc - by Okay (woman) - United States (New York)



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