Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML

by nothingisreal69 / 03/01/2011 at 5:21pm / Reserved / Animals

Today, the day before I was going to move in with my army fiancé, he was told he would be deployed very soon. I can't pay for the apartment without him, and now have to move back in with my parents until he returns from active duty. FML

by Distraught / 03/01/2011 at 4:08pm / Reserved / Love

Today, I was mugged while on my way to the book store. I'd saved up for months to make a mega-purchase of study materials for my major, only for it to be taken away in a few seconds by some lowlife thug. FML

by chilegrande / 03/01/2011 at 3:59pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2011 at 12:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, during a class, I noticed some racist statements and symbols on a table. While erasing them, I bent down to pick up my dropped pencil. I look back up to see a teacher, and got a suspension. FML

by assumed / 03/01/2011 at 11:47am / Miscellaneous

Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2011 at 11:21am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I learned that it's cute when a goat comes up to you and licks your face. That is, until you realize that goat was just eating poison ivy. FML

by a / 03/01/2011 at 10:00am / Health

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

by WhyMe? / 03/01/2011 at 8:24am / Intimacy

Today, I realised how poor I am when I found myself fishing out a two dollar coin someone had left behind in a public toilet bowl. FML

by youshitme / 03/01/2011 at 7:12am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was informed that due to my cat being aggressive and attacking the postman several times, my mail would no longer be delivered to my address. I don't own a cat. FML

by notacatperson / 03/01/2011 at 5:41am / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Animals

Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML

by j / 03/01/2011 at 1:26am / Work

Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML

by cockalicious / 03/01/2011 at 12:29am / Love

Today, I unclogged a toilet. With my hand. For the second time this week. FML

by handyjon / 02/28/2011 at 10:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous