Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML
I agree, your life sucks (445874) - you deserved it (72694)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by gentileman (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I went to a party and the cops came to bust the party. I jumped out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrested. I broke my leg in three places and got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32963) - you deserved it (142450)
On 03/16/2009 at 12:02pm - misc - by natty (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I spent a solid four hours and over one hundred dollars preparing a nice fancy meal for my new girlfriend. A delicious three pound rack of ribs with a sweet and sour marinade. Steam broccoli with melted cheese. Home made buttermilk biscuits. I serve the meal. She doesn't eat beef. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23934) - you deserved it (52428)
On 03/16/2009 at 5:55am - misc - by WhatdyaDo - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I jokingly had kinky conversation via text message with a good guy friend. He was pretending to be a stranger and was fishing for compliments and asked to have a foursome. Turns out, my friend lost his phone and I spent 2 hours talking to a pervert about what lingerie I was wearing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43711) - you deserved it (30199)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by textraped (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was talking to this hot girl I have dinner with every week. Lately she’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. Today she said: “The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating.” My answer was: "Aren't we?". FML
I agree, your life sucks (72572) - you deserved it (12928)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by Nick (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58455) - you deserved it (40991)
On 03/16/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whatdoyoudo (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (327403) - you deserved it (67114)
On 03/16/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML
I agree, your life sucks (159312) - you deserved it (19614)
On 03/15/2009 at 11:38pm - misc - by Screwed (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (151234) - you deserved it (20823)
On 03/15/2009 at 11:20pm - intimacy - by illequipt - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (538011) - you deserved it (327412)
On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)
↑ tastylipstick's comment : That is the nastiest thing I have ever heard. I am so sorry.
Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (63942) - you deserved it (12825)
On 03/15/2009 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by hala (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML
I agree, your life sucks (175171) - you deserved it (25003)
On 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm - money - by twit (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I heard back from my store management interview at Target. I was offered an overnight stock clerk position. When I called HR to find out if my application was in the wrong file I was told I lack the leadership qualities necessary for Target. I graduated with honors from a military school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68722) - you deserved it (4354)
On 03/15/2009 at 9:09pm - misc - by yanksbitethebig1 - United States (New Jersey)
Monday 17 June 2013
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↑ jackaaa's comment : Aww baby penis.
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