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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML

#5754979
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37435) - you deserved it (4525)

On 10/10/2009 at 8:07am - misc - by Nobody (man) - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML

#5754527
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19238) - you deserved it (4263)

On 10/10/2009 at 6:19am - intimacy - by Taraa3 (woman) - United Kingdom (Hartlepool)

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't have. The manager in charge of calling me to tell me if I got the job never called, and never called me back when I left messages. The only time he called me was to fire me for not coming to orientation, which, by the way, he never called to tell me about. FML

#5753501
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36912) - you deserved it (2066)

On 10/10/2009 at 3:23am - work - by superjesse006 (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my best friend and I went to the movies. There was a hot cashier, so I thought it would be cool to talk in a British accent to try and be sexy. I walked up and started talking when he interrupted me and said in a very heavy British accent, "I know you're faking. You can stop now." FML

#5752857
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6911) - you deserved it (53068)

On 10/10/2009 at 2:10am - work - by dammitt (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML

#5751188
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13935) - you deserved it (31480)

On 10/10/2009 at 12:25am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, the traffic court judge didn't believe my three witnesses and two security cameras that proved I was innocent. He claimed a cop would never lie, and that the dashboard security cameras, which the cop brought in, were somehow edited by me. I was fined $1,000 and my license was suspended. FML

Today, my mother, who religiously checks her bank account after every purchase, then shreds her receipts, got fed up with me not doing the same. So she shredded all my piled up receipts. These include the 100s of dollars I had spent for my work, which I need the receipts to get reimbursed for. FML

#5745365
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39159) - you deserved it (2850)

On 10/09/2009 at 7:22pm - money - by poorman (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I was at a local club with my friends sitting at a table when some guys approached us. One of them started telling me about his recent adventures through Europe and was very interesting. Something warm hit my leg and I realized the guy was urinating on me. FML

#5744941
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36163) - you deserved it (2370)

On 10/09/2009 at 6:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I asked a girl I like to homecoming. I brought her to my house beforehand for dinner with my family. My brother asked her whether we were just friends or dating, she shouts "Just friends!" and then starts flirting with him with me in the room. FML

#5744040
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35297) - you deserved it (3299)

On 10/09/2009 at 6:11pm - misc - by Charon - United States (Virginia)

Today, the disgruntled ex-boyfriend of a woman who lives three floors down from me slashed her tires for breaking up with him. He also, for good measure, slashed the tires of the person parked to the left and right of her. I was parked to the right of her. FML

#5743419
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32695) - you deserved it (1796)

On 10/09/2009 at 5:34pm - misc - by sofked (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that the excessive groin sweating I've been trying to deal with for weeks isn't groin sweating. It's a slow and steady stream of urine that I have no control over. FML

#5743316
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47017) - you deserved it (3239)

On 10/09/2009 at 5:25pm - health - by lizzzie (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML

#5741744
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32956) - you deserved it (4358)

On 10/09/2009 at 3:52pm - health - by Unlucky (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML

#5740729
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27969) - you deserved it (8620)

On 10/09/2009 at 2:48pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Greater London)



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