Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML
by jsalmons / 06/02/2011 at 1:39pm / Germany (Bayern) / Intimacy
rawr9able's comment : Pimp slap her for me will ya? People like her piss me off, buy a damn dildo and call it good if you can't handle your man being away for so long.
Today, my boyfriend and I went shooting. While I was showing him how to properly hold and adjust a rifle, he accidentally pulled the trigger. The gun kicked back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose. FML
by raebelle / 06/02/2011 at 1:32pm / United States / Health
xGabri3L's comment : Pow, right in the kisser!
by minecraftwilldie / 06/02/2011 at 12:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
chiddy_bang71's comment : you've obviously never played minecraft.
by brittaneejanex / 06/02/2011 at 12:06pm / United States / Animals
Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML
by satisfied88 / 06/02/2011 at 10:49am / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/02/2011 at 10:10am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous
by ohcrap / 06/02/2011 at 6:05am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by meyo555 / 06/02/2011 at 5:45am / United States (Nebraska) / Health
Today, I was released from hospital after being in a car accident. I used the phone book to call people I know to get a ride home, as my wallet and cellphone were still in the wrecked car. I had called my mom to come get me, but her response was "I don't feel like it." I live with her. FML
by thanksmom / 06/02/2011 at 5:27am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/02/2011 at 3:26am / United States / Health
Today, a customer had an allergic reaction to the almonds in the sundae I made for her. We're supposed to put the almonds on unless the customer asks otherwise. She complained to my boss that I'd poisoned her. FML
by Unemployed / 06/02/2011 at 12:40am / United States / Work