Today, as I was walking back inside I noticed my mop leaning on the wall next to my door. I picked it up and started slow dancing with it, imagining it was the girl I'm in love with. I didn't notice my neighbours bunched up at their window laughing. FML
by anonymous / 05/04/2011 at 6:01am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML
by Derps / 05/04/2011 at 5:11am / Denmark (Midtjyllen) / Miscellaneous
illmatic2's comment : She deserves a high-five.
Today, my husband told me that he's letting his mother move in with us. He told her it was alright without even consulting me first. I hate my mother-in-law so much that I'm contemplating divorce rather than living with her. FML
by kayt240 / 05/04/2011 at 1:41am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Violent_Kitkat's comment : Well this shows how commited you are to your relationship...
Today, I went on a first date with a guy. He parked his truck and reached in his door side pocket and grabbed a little black zippered bag. Seeing this, I burst out laughing saying, "Wow, what's that, your change purse?" He replied, "No, I'm diabetic, this is my blood sugar monitor." FML
by Cuppycake / 05/04/2011 at 1:33am / Canada / Health
TookaWooka666's comment : Nice, not only was the joke bad to begin with but then you find out he is a diabetic, you kind of deserved that one.
by Username / 05/03/2011 at 3:51pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I finished working a 70 hour work week. I'm a lineman for the electric company, and worked extended hours all week getting people's lights back on after a wind storm. When I got home, my power was out. FML
by LightsOut / 05/03/2011 at 1:58pm / United States / Work
by moetplease / 05/03/2011 at 12:32pm / Singapore / Love
by CRH / 05/03/2011 at 11:41am / United States (Minnesota) / Health
by Diesel / 05/03/2011 at 10:23am / Belgium (Luxembourg) / Transportation
Today, while on a first date with a guy who turned out to be twice my age, we were playing video games at the theatre before the movie started. Suddenly he falls face first while having a seizure. The EMT asked if my "dad" had a history of epilepsy. FML
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…