Today, the ex-girlfriend I'm still in love with sent me an old picture with the caption, "I miss us." She looked beautiful and happy. Too bad I'm not the guy she's kissing in the picture. FML

by SadGuy / 04/26/2011 at 2:18am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, while buying groceries, I noticed that the lady in front of me had left a box behind. I grabbed the box and ran out the door after her. After turning around to find three employees chasing me, I noticed I had just stolen the donation box. FML

by magicman / 04/26/2011 at 12:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, I got a letter back from the family I will be staying with as a part of an exchange program. Apparently they own a slaughterhouse type farm, and I'm expected to kill one of their animals and eat it as a gift from the family. I'm a vegan. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2011 at 10:37pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the bakery I work at. A man came in to pick up a cake he said he ordered, but we could find neither the cake nor the order form. He yelled at me about being 'incompetent' before remembering that he had ordered the cake from a different bakery. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2011 at 6:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

by Mike / 04/25/2011 at 5:39pm / Health

forthepainx3's comment : that's a shitty situation

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Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML

by Ouch / 04/25/2011 at 3:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML

by nipman / 04/25/2011 at 3:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while driving on the highway, I got stuck in a traffic jam. Upon glancing over at the car in the next lane, I saw it was my ex as of a week ago. We sat in barely moving traffic right next to each other for half an hour. FML

by Awkward / 04/25/2011 at 2:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

Today, I was running a marathon. I stopped to massage my stiff legs, when an elderly spectator taunted, "Oohhh yeah, that's it! Massage those legs good, boy!" She looked about 70. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2011 at 1:10pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I moved to Florida because I have poor circulation and need to be in a warm environment. The first day at my new job, I discovered my co-worker is an overweight man who wears a wool suit every day, and insists on keeping the office chilled to 65 degrees. I can't feel my fingers or toes. FML

by lpspann87 / 04/25/2011 at 1:02pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I asked my friend to stop texting me, because I'm on a limited plan and didn't want to go over my limit. She responded by getting a group of her friends to text bomb me. I got well over a hundred one-word texts. FML

by Text / 04/25/2011 at 12:27pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML

by Jade / 04/25/2011 at 9:49am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Love

Docbee's comment : at least you got a free burger

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Today, I witnessed two women in a catfight, ripping clothes off each other. This would have been great if the two women weren't my mom and my grandma. FML

by Danny / 04/25/2011 at 9:07am / Miscellaneous