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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My cell phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML

#10516903
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9386) - you deserved it (31079)

On 05/13/2010 at 10:11pm - misc - by BigMouth McRedface (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a blond-haired guy crouched by my bike fiddling with something as I came back from the shop. Thinking he was a thief, I slammed him across the head with my helmet, knocked him over - then I realised not only was he a kid barely in his teens, he was tying his shoes. FML

#10514863
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7081) - you deserved it (40437)

On 05/13/2010 at 9:11pm - misc - by BikerBuddy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

#10512459
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8831) - you deserved it (44575)

On 05/13/2010 at 7:31pm - misc - by errints234234 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my friends and I had a long fun day at the river. That was until sundown. I now have mosquito bites in places you don't want to know. FML

#10511557
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19327) - you deserved it (10119)

On 05/13/2010 at 6:49pm - animals - by Alicia - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally rear-ended an undercover police car. FML

#10509777
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28546) - you deserved it (12235)

On 05/13/2010 at 5:00pm - misc - by shit - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out the reason I've been itchy for the last two weeks is because I'm now allergic to chlorine. I'm also a swimming instructor. FML

#10507279
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33464) - you deserved it (3004)

On 05/13/2010 at 1:51pm - work - by Dfacta (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was one of five people called up to the front in class to receive a special notice from the school administration. The first four people received awards for outstanding effort in school. Mine was a notice that I had overdue library fines. FML

#10502352
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12082) - you deserved it (26363)

On 05/13/2010 at 3:39am - misc - by leftout (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

#10501426
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32874) - you deserved it (4585)

On 05/13/2010 at 2:01am - health - by fatpooch (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I came home after ten hours at work to find my unemployed wife and 4 kids sprawled out watching TV waiting for me to get home and cook for them. I had to wash all the dishes first because they didn't feel like getting up or helping. FML

#10499435
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41856) - you deserved it (8663)

On 05/13/2010 at 12:07am - work - by justkillm3 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I received an award from my school rewarding me for my honor roll and my cheerleading. When I brought the certificate home my mom congratulated me and hugged me. I worked really hard for this and all my dad had to say was, "Try this flavor of Doritos." FML

#10496358
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24728) - you deserved it (7859)

On 05/12/2010 at 10:18pm - misc - by honorstudent - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while at work, a woman left her credit card at my register. I tried to return it before she left. Seeing her getting into her car, I jogged after her and yelled, "Wait." She ran over my foot. FML

#10488066
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29953) - you deserved it (2740)

On 05/12/2010 at 4:07pm - work - by ab1e - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

#10481687
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24809) - you deserved it (5708)

On 05/12/2010 at 5:49am - health - by nick - United Kingdom (London)

Today, an old lady asked me the way to the shopping mall. The shopping mall was not too far away, but I could see that the lady could barely walk so I offered to drive her there. She smacked my car's door into a pole while getting in my car. She didn't even notice that she'd done something wrong. FML

#10464786
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27312) - you deserved it (5199)

On 05/11/2010 at 11:04am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Flevoland)



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