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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML

#5407765
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13598) - you deserved it (47086)

On 09/22/2009 at 12:37am - health - by Cpt_Concerned (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML

#5407615
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37880) - you deserved it (15310)

On 09/22/2009 at 12:27am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

allmidnighteyes's comment : Okay, you're divorced now. Okay, you're paying alimony now. Okay, you're a cougar now. Okay, you're dead now. Okay, you're a zombie now.

See all the comments →

Today, there was a fire alarm in my dorm. Just as I was leaving my room, a lady in the hallway told me that it was a drill and they'd be inspecting rooms, so I would need to leave my door unlocked. When I came back, my room was trashed and my laptop, speakers, and jewelry were gone. FML

#5406145
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35481) - you deserved it (14673)

On 09/21/2009 at 11:19pm - misc - by zzyx (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to cover for my coworker who didn't turn up for work. He is always late for work and I was pissed off about having to cover for him again so I said to my colleagues "He better be either in hospital or dead." Turns out he was dead. FML

#5403982
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39837) - you deserved it (12546)

On 09/21/2009 at 10:06pm - work - by mcdeez (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I got a call from a prominent orchestra asking me to play with them. They were especially interested because I'm still in high school. I called to accept only to find out that my mother had already declined the offer for me because I "only" have a 3.7. FML

#5403553
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41766) - you deserved it (2384)

On 09/21/2009 at 9:50pm - work - by bass (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided not to park in the parking garage on campus, in an attempt to save the $8 it would have cost me. Instead, I parked in a surface lot (about a mile away) and got a $50 parking ticket for not having a permit to park there. FML

#5399983
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7427) - you deserved it (37324)

On 09/21/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by ScorpioQueen (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a new computer because my old one crashed, deleting all music, photos, and documents. I still had all my music on my iPod though, and went to sync it to the new computer. By accident, my younger brother pulled the cord out before it was done, deleting all 3,000 songs forever. FML

#5395665
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43724) - you deserved it (6442)

On 09/21/2009 at 4:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided I would call in sick to work after working 60 hours the week before just so I could have a day off... My body responded this morning with vomiting and diarrhea so I had to call in sick and didn't get to have much fun... Karma 1 Me 0. FML

#5395171
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30057) - you deserved it (9919)

On 09/21/2009 at 3:50pm - work - by sick (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my girlfriend was getting up to leave and I, trying to be romantic, got up behind her and tried to swing her back down onto the bed and kiss her simultaneously, misjudged the distance and threw her into the wall, her head then bounced off the wall and into my forehead, spraining her nose. FML

#5394523
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8782) - you deserved it (21868)

On 09/21/2009 at 3:08pm - intimacy - by dontpanic (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I parked my truck next to a rather large SUV at school, went to class for 8 hours straight, came back and found my passenger side door crumpled from where they had backed out and hit it. They left a note on my window that said, "Sorry about your truck, but I don't have insurance." FML

#5393176
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37947) - you deserved it (2230)

On 09/21/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my grandma picked up the phone. It was a man asking to speak to me. Instead of giving me the phone she decides to hang up on him, thinking it was some guy trying to "get with me." It turned out to be the call I've been waiting all week for... a call from a huge company about a job offer. FML

#5393061
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40314) - you deserved it (2296)

On 09/21/2009 at 1:08pm - work - by Unemployed (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked if she should get birthcontrol, of course I said yes and offered to pay the 55 dollar fee. She got her physical and pills and then dumped me the next day. I basically paid 55 dollars so that she can sleep with other people. FML

#5392690
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24592) - you deserved it (3612)

On 09/21/2009 at 12:34pm - intimacy - by charlieday (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent me a birthday present. It was a necklace for me to wear at my wedding. The pendant is a well known lesbian symbol. I'm a woman and I'm marrying her son. FML

#5392687
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35942) - you deserved it (2641)

On 09/21/2009 at 12:32pm - love - by whasian (woman) - United States (Florida)



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