Today, I discovered that I'm short enough to be legally considered a midget. My daughter now wants to bring me to school for show and tell. FML

by fourfootnine / 03/07/2011 at 8:47am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I was awoken by my neighbor pounding on my back door at 3 am, only to look outside and see my car engulfed in flames. FML

by WTF / 03/07/2011 at 4:19am / Transportation

Today, I discovered that sea-sickness also applies when making love on my girlfriend's new water bed. FML

by dizzy / 03/07/2011 at 2:28am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Intimacy

Today, it's official, we measured. My boyfriend's manboobs are bigger than my breasts. FML

by tinygirl / 03/07/2011 at 1:16am / Health

Today, before setting off on my train journey I checked my booking. The (non-refundable) return date was a week later than I intended, and after buying a new ticket online, I was informed that I would be able to collect it in 2 hours. I leave in an hour. I'll have to pay three times to come home. FML

by Anonymous / 03/07/2011 at 12:38am / United Kingdom / Money

Today, my boyfriend told me he was taking me out to eat to his favorite restaurant. He said I could order whatever I wanted and he'd pay for it. He took me to Red Lobster, knowing full well that I'm allergic to seafood. FML

by pinchy / 03/06/2011 at 10:00pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, a spider dangled an inch away from my face while I was driving. I freaked out and accidentally bumped the car in front of me. Three cops arrived on the scene and I had to explain to them what happened. I can still hear them laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2011 at 8:48pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

by milkndstufff / 03/06/2011 at 7:50pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I discovered that my Facebook profile picture, of me between my boyfriend and a friend, is actually me between my boyfriend and the girl he has been cheating on me with. FML

by ocean555 / 03/06/2011 at 7:27pm / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself all night, was my sister's Furby she stuck in the closet. FML

by Spooked / 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2011 at 1:15pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Intimacy

guy_whos_sad's comment : The situation........ *puts on cool glasses" ......at hand. YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

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Today, my son broke a window at school playing football. Not only did he break one, he broke the other window next to it. His excuse? He tried making it look like a bird flew in one way and flew out the other. I have to pay $800 to fix it. FML

by notsosmart / 03/06/2011 at 6:28am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money

Today, my husband told me I was lucky to have someone who would love me no matter what my vagina smelled like. FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2011 at 6:28am / Reserved / Intimacy