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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I had to give the girl I am absolutely in love with advice on how to have better sex with her boyfriend. FML

#4673075
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57162) - you deserved it (9863)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by shitforchris (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML

#4672894
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7757) - you deserved it (55381)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss. She said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML

#4664067
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33353) - you deserved it (11606)

On 08/19/2009 at 8:01pm - work - by SweetFA (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided I need help, so I confessed to my mother that I'm bulimic. After she looked it up online she started screaming at me for "Wasting food that I'm not paying for." FML

#4663591
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45446) - you deserved it (9790)

On 08/19/2009 at 7:43pm - health - by Rainbow92 (woman) - Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya)

Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML

#4662087
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47565) - you deserved it (6523)

On 08/19/2009 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by kneesarethenewdesk (man) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth and laughed before she passed out. FML

#4661982
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55614) - you deserved it (3789)

On 08/19/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I re-dislocated my arm trying to get it out of the cast it was in because I didn't want to pay the $50 dollar fee to get it taken off. FML

#4660097
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7776) - you deserved it (82731)

On 08/19/2009 at 5:02pm - health - by flaps (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my "best friend" invited me to drink with her and a couple other friends. She told me to "just bring a few bucks for beer". When I got there, no one else had brought money, including her. They only invited me because I'm the only one with a job. FML

#4659447
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42714) - you deserved it (3635)

On 08/19/2009 at 4:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was on a date with a guy, we were sitting in a restaurant having a fairly good conversation, when I had to go to the washroom. I left the table and when I came back, he was gone. Along with my wallet and car keys. FML

#4658498
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39109) - you deserved it (8909)

On 08/19/2009 at 3:44pm - love - by LifeFucksUsAll (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend was leaving for work. From the other room I heard him call out, "see you soon beautiful." Touched, I went to give him a parting kiss. He stopped me and said, "I was talking to the cat." FML

#4656654
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36063) - you deserved it (3857)

On 08/19/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by burned_away - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I thought I saw a snake while I was watering. I got my son to check it out and he agreed too. I was nervous so I called animal control, and they said it would cost $50 just for them to come out, I agreed. It ends up I paid $50 for them to pick up an old diamond weave farmer's hat. FML

#4655713
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6870) - you deserved it (35907)

On 08/19/2009 at 1:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was told I have bipolar disorder. I'm 31. It took so long to diagnose because my mom always figured I was "just a super bitch half the time." FML

#4654835
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38383) - you deserved it (4327)

On 08/19/2009 at 12:40pm - health - by crazychick (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I flew 8 hours to visit my boyfriend. When I arrived at the airport, and he started taking long to show up, I checked my email to see the info. I hit the junk mail by accident and found his last 10 emails in there. He had broken up with me a week ago. FML

#4653267
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43042) - you deserved it (12987)

On 08/19/2009 at 11:03am - love - by MariadelMar (woman) - United States (Florida)



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