Today, I got concussion after a goat ran in front of me while I was jogging. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2011 at 11:07pm / United States / Animals

kemando's comment : u chewing stride?

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Today, my wife bought $80 worth of Glee songs on iTunes. FML

by Chad / 04/26/2011 at 9:20pm / United States / Money

Today, I stepped outdoors for a minute. The wind blew the door shut, locking me outside. I've spent the last two hours pounding frantically on the windows, trying to wake my 4 year old son who is inside. I can see him sleeping soundly on the couch. FML

by gottapee / 04/26/2011 at 7:11pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML

by Jyocka / 04/26/2011 at 6:25pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, a kid with severe Down's came into my workplace, as he does every day. He's has an obsession with me, sitting at a table, staring and taking photos of me all day. His parents have no problem with this, because they think it's a miracle that he can focus so much attention on me for so long. FML

by notimpressed / 04/26/2011 at 3:25pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous

brookeec's comment : Atleast he is progressing in life! You should feel honored! ;)

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Today, I actually heard my 14 year old son muse to himself, "If I can drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto, how hard could it be in real life?" FML

by nomorexbox / 04/26/2011 at 3:20pm / United States (Georgia) / Geek

Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML

by rockyrocket / 04/26/2011 at 3:19pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my friend told me that her favourite aunt died last night of a heart attack. The first thing I could think of to say was, "Oh no, is she okay?" FML

by Username / 04/26/2011 at 3:11pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

by Scarlett / 04/26/2011 at 1:28pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

DarkHelmet's comment : Your husband is awesome. Your step mom is probably jealous now

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Today, I broke my toe. My mom didn't think it was necessary to take me to hospital, opting to give me some painkillers instead. They were so strong that I fell asleep for an hour during my exam. FML

by BigToe / 04/26/2011 at 12:00pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health

Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML

by fifthtimesacharm / 04/26/2011 at 11:03am / Health

Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2011 at 9:56am / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, I went on a date with a woman. She brought along her stuffed rabbit, and introduced us. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2011 at 8:03am / Israel / Miscellaneous