Today, I spent a solid four hours and over one hundred dollars preparing a nice fancy meal for my new girlfriend. A delicious three pound rack of ribs with a sweet and sour marinade. Steam broccoli with melted cheese. Home made buttermilk biscuits. I serve the meal. She doesn't eat beef. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23886) - you deserved it (52377)
On 03/16/2009 at 5:55am - misc - by WhatdyaDo - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I jokingly had kinky conversation via text message with a good guy friend. He was pretending to be a stranger and was fishing for compliments and asked to have a foursome. Turns out, my friend lost his phone and I spent 2 hours talking to a pervert about what lingerie I was wearing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43654) - you deserved it (30171)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by textraped (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was talking to this hot girl I have dinner with every week. Lately she’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. Today she said: “The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating.” My answer was: "Aren't we?". FML
I agree, your life sucks (70294) - you deserved it (11255)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by Nick (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58315) - you deserved it (40947)
On 03/16/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whatdoyoudo (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (319735) - you deserved it (66418)
On 03/16/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML
I agree, your life sucks (155672) - you deserved it (19469)
On 03/15/2009 at 11:38pm - misc - by Screwed (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (148406) - you deserved it (20728)
On 03/15/2009 at 11:20pm - intimacy - by illequipt - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (524899) - you deserved it (318148)
On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)
↑ tastylipstick's comment : That is the nastiest thing I have ever heard. I am so sorry.
Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (63841) - you deserved it (12804)
On 03/15/2009 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by hala (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML
I agree, your life sucks (171488) - you deserved it (24816)
On 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm - money - by twit (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I heard back from my store management interview at Target. I was offered an overnight stock clerk position. When I called HR to find out if my application was in the wrong file I was told I lack the leadership qualities necessary for Target. I graduated with honors from a military school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68564) - you deserved it (4351)
On 03/15/2009 at 9:09pm - misc - by yanksbitethebig1 - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I rode in the cab on the way back to my dorm from the airport. The taxi driver was on the phone and not really paying attention. I paid him and got out of the cab, but he drove away before I could get my luggage out of the trunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60608) - you deserved it (3749)
On 03/15/2009 at 8:49pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65063) - you deserved it (22180)
On 03/15/2009 at 6:45pm - intimacy - by Moanie (woman) - United States (New York)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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