Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2011 at 1:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, my parents found my stash of alcohol. They drank it all within a single evening. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2011 at 11:38am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad gave me a speech about being gay. He said he'll accept me if that's who I truly am, but he wants me to think it over first. I'm an actor in a play. I had to explain the concept of wearing costumes and acting like someone else to him. For the third time. FML

by sealpop09 / 06/30/2011 at 10:36am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I began to walk across the street when I saw a very familiar old lady struggle across it. I walked over to help her, and only after she had blown her rape whistle and socked me in the nuts did she realize I was her grandson. FML

by John / 06/30/2011 at 4:18am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I introduced my first serious boyfriend to my mother over dinner. He is Asian. My mom insisted on calling him "Ching Chong". His name is Kevin. FML

by asianlover / 06/30/2011 at 3:24am / Finland (Western Finland) / Miscellaneous

zip2014's comment : Hahahaha I'm Asian & I find this hilarious!!

See all the comments

Today, as I was walking home from work, my dad drove past, pulled over, rolled down the window and asked, "Are you tired of walking?" To which I replied "Yes!" Just as I reached for the car door, he yelled "RUN A WHILE" and sped off. FML

by RYZILLAHitZ / 06/29/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML

by Jenna / 06/29/2011 at 8:04pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2011 at 7:52pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

konnermoses's comment : he's not too smart :-/

See all the comments

Today, I got asked on a date. I was later told we had to cancel. Why? My ex is parked in front of his house and he is afraid to leave. FML

by nolove4me / 06/29/2011 at 4:41pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML

by wispywee / 06/29/2011 at 1:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Geek

toastyjustice's comment : don't we all dream of that?

See all the comments

Today, I was told that I may die by the time I'm 30, and that I should Google the disorder because he doesn't know what it is for sure. FML

by Googleit / 06/29/2011 at 12:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

by ashleyrae / 06/29/2011 at 10:55am / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to the news that my mom's in jail. FML

by mymomsstupid / 06/29/2011 at 10:51am / United States / Miscellaneous