Weird, Creepypasta, Birds and Health: New creepypasta just dropped - FML

New creepypasta just dropped

By Anonymous - 25/06/2009 08:34 - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure when the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds, because "they love skin." She then described for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 491

You deserved it 4 380

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Same thing different taste

Grooming tips

By love bitten - 14/07/2021 10:01 - Australia

Today, after two months of having a bird, she finally trusts me enough to perch on and even preen me. Unfortunately, it seems she thinks my freckles are lice and she's made it her mission to bite them off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 128

Yeet the feet

By SalonGirl - 10/03/2009 11:55 - United States

Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 609

You deserved it 7 271

By FootFlakes - 09/04/2013 17:58 - United States - Boston

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 991

You deserved it 4 429

By Anonymous - 07/12/2012 00:19 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn. She wanted to know if she could "peel" me, when my sunburn becomes "ripe", because she loves the sound. She won't take no for an answer, and I work with her everyday this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 515

You deserved it 2 021

By poopedon - 26/04/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 987

You deserved it 18 147

By Herestheskinny - 29/04/2017 02:00

Today, I was helping a women that was looking for skin care products. She kept commenting on the look and "texture" of my skin in a very creepy and almost hungry fashion. I'm afraid that she wants to skin me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 580

You deserved it 487

By nyu - 25/01/2010 06:33 - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 114

You deserved it 24 466

By Sarah - 18/07/2019 12:00

Today, I had the mole on my neck removed. By my pet bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 686

You deserved it 186

By caitplaysguitar - 09/02/2010 14:56 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend pick all the dead skin off of his feet. And then fling it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 232

You deserved it 6 521

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 11:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 356

You deserved it 2 569

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LEbleuDESreves 10

Saturday 24 June 2017 22:59

i hope you didn't plane on having a meal after that ...

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Public freakouts Health Relatable Scams Geek Music Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Cops Transportation Kids Fight Family AITA Mother in law Miscellaneous Relationship advice Social Media Love Art Work Students Noise Birds Animals Sleep Mental health Medication

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Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He thought we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 720

You deserved it 4 756

Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 76

The Top

Today, I drunkenly admitted to a friend of five years that I've "liked" her for a long time now. She's been in a relationship with some douche for a year and a half at this point. She started crying, and when she finally stopped said, "I can forget this ever happened." FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 359

Today, my brother and I got into an intense argument that ended up with us trading blows and having the cops called on us. Apparently I was "insulting his intelligence" by trying to explain that you don't make buttermilk by putting butter in milk. He's 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 049

You deserved it 5 127

Today, my boyfriend gushed for several minutes about how amazing it is that I suddenly look hot when he takes his glasses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 810

You deserved it 3 306

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 992

You deserved it 2 774

Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 629

You deserved it 5 079

Today, while working as a police dispatcher, I took a call for a motorcycle accident that occurred near my house. After obtaining all the essential information I realized the rider was my brother. He doesn't own a motorcycle, but I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 931

You deserved it 2 535