Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML

by Eringobrag88 / 06/27/2011 at 12:08pm / United States / Kids

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend eat the dead skin from the soles of her feet. FML

by footfood / 06/27/2011 at 10:56am / Slovenia (Bohinj) / Miscellaneous

Badshah29's comment : canibalism

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Today, I was playing tetherball with my younger brother. I get really competitive, so I threw it as hard as I could. It came around and hit me in the face. FML

by hopeless / 06/27/2011 at 10:09am / Canada (Manitoba) / Health

Today, my boyfriend said that to be extra careful he's been taking my birth control pills too. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2011 at 9:55am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

velvel's comment : well, you definitely don't want babies with that one.

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Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML

by Nice 2 inch / 06/27/2011 at 8:16am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

spazticechidna's comment : Thats the best grandpa ever.

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Today, my boyfriend came before I'd even unbuttoned my pants. FML

by Username / 06/27/2011 at 4:56am / United States / Intimacy

Today, it has been 8 months since I started a photography project in which I would take a picture of the same tree every day for a year. I just heard a noise outside. They cut the tree down. FML

by A girl / 06/27/2011 at 3:55am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Work

Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML

by SheenaL / 06/27/2011 at 2:26am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML

by grizzlybear / 06/27/2011 at 1:55am / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Intimacy

Today, I went camping. My tent is flooded, a raccoon ate all my food, I lost the anchor to my boat which as a result is now across the lake. Three more days. FML

by Tori Pearson / 06/27/2011 at 12:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Holidays

Today, my 15 year old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML

by WalkingTalkingCarrot / 06/26/2011 at 10:15pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, after a weekend of helping my sister-in-law move out of our house, vacuuming and mopping her bedroom and bathroom for her, scrubbing her walls and cleaning her shower, transporting her furniture and getting her carpet professionally cleaned, to cover costs she offered me $14. FML

by Mad / 06/26/2011 at 9:14pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Money

Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML

by kaplwv116 / 06/26/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Health