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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was spacing out in French class and randomly got an erection. My professor called on me to stand up at the front of the room and say, "I am wearing a belt," in French. Not everyone was observing just my belt. FML

#7782514
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32542) - you deserved it (5693)

On 02/01/2010 at 3:51pm - misc - by boner (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

#7780958
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35295) - you deserved it (3798)

On 02/01/2010 at 2:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking by a pond when I saw a small frog. I decided to catch it to get a close look. After I picked it up, I realized that it was not a frog. It was dog shit shaped like a frog. FML

#7776158
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11879) - you deserved it (34205)

On 02/01/2010 at 9:34am - animals - by adad - Sent from mobile version

Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

#7775610
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21667) - you deserved it (6430)

On 02/01/2010 at 8:45am - animals - by dontbadouche - Senegal

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

#7775302
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30704) - you deserved it (4554)

On 02/01/2010 at 8:17am - kids - by argh (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML

#7774982
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12669) - you deserved it (23856)

On 02/01/2010 at 7:36am - misc - by wilsmith (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

#7773873
421 comments

I agree, your life sucks (109482) - you deserved it (12744)

On 02/01/2010 at 5:23am - misc - by doesnttastegood (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Masochistic's comment : What kind of twisted ritual is that? What compelled him to think that up?

See all the comments →

Today, I was playing rugby. I was tackled very hard at the end of a play, and I got up to find my head bleeding profusely. Not one person offered to drive me to the ER. I had to drive myself to get six stitches in the face. FML

#7771454
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29233) - you deserved it (3311)

On 02/01/2010 at 2:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment garage but couldn't. Why? Because somebody decided to park in front if the garage door and have sex. Complete with steamed windows and loud noises. FML

#7771404
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17141) - you deserved it (2288)

On 02/01/2010 at 2:31am - intimacy - by ocroyalty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it's officially been two weeks since I found out I have mono. It's also been two weeks since anyone has visited me, called me, or even emailed me. The real kicker? I'm now fired from my job because they can't believe I can have mono twice in one year. I guess I'm just lucky that way. FML

#7770242
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27612) - you deserved it (3411)

On 02/01/2010 at 1:43am - health - by blah - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend was showing me pictures of her and her family. I told her to stop at one of the pictures. I started laughing my back off and said that she looked grotesque. She asked me if I was serious, I swore that I was. It was actually a picture of her sister, who died 1 year ago. FML

#7768128
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8308) - you deserved it (48235)

On 02/01/2010 at 12:45am - misc - by Sam (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was taking my dogs for a walk, then it started to rain, and the wind went mad. I ran for cover in the trees near a bridge, slipped and fell into a river. I was soaking wet and my boots were full of water. Then to get back out of the river, I had to use stinging nettles as hand holds. FML

#7767397
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25083) - you deserved it (3288)

On 02/01/2010 at 12:27am - animals - by Jammy238 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said 'Nice chair.' She replied 'Nice bruise' and punched me in the nuts. FML

#7766878
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12366) - you deserved it (47195)

On 02/01/2010 at 12:15am - love - by Liam. - Sent from mobile version



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