Today, I was fired for "customer dissatisfaction." I work in IT and have never met one of my company's customers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52112) - you deserved it (2818)
On 03/30/2009 at 12:13am - work - by beat10 (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77881) - you deserved it (31450)
On 03/29/2009 at 11:49pm - intimacy - by Cynical (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15630) - you deserved it (68773)
On 03/29/2009 at 10:08pm - animals - by trainE - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the phone to make a call and had heard it all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28963) - you deserved it (58595)
On 03/29/2009 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Bucko321 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, two really hot guys pulled up in a car next to mine. They were waving at me and pointing down, I figured they were being pigs so I flipped them off. Turns out they were trying to warn me of the flat tire I had. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5704) - you deserved it (68566)
On 03/29/2009 at 9:14pm - misc - by flattire (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I developed the disposable camera pictures from my family's trip to Disney World. I noticed that in the pictures I took of them in front of the big castle at Magic Kingdom, my wife and son were standing a few feet away from a man who was touching himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51448) - you deserved it (2672)
On 03/29/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57347) - you deserved it (21433)
On 03/29/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by Hotsauce887 (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22609) - you deserved it (65110)
On 03/29/2009 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went to Walgreen's for a tub of Vaseline. The old guy at the counter looked at me, winked, and said, "Not having too much luck with the ladies, eh?" He was right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59543) - you deserved it (10943)
On 03/29/2009 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10147) - you deserved it (156410)
On 03/29/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by emkaycutie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling on bed watching tv. He gets up at one point and turns the light off and I asked him why. He said "You look better in the dark". FML
I agree, your life sucks (68775) - you deserved it (4797)
On 03/29/2009 at 1:41pm - love - by sadgf (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML
I agree, your life sucks (137) - you deserved it (16426)
On 03/29/2009 at 10:03am - love - by engaged (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15958) - you deserved it (53993)
On 03/29/2009 at 9:38am - money - by BrokeAsAJoke (man) - United States (Florida)
Monday 17 June 2013
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