Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I went to the orthodontist to have my braces worked on. I accidentally swallowed some of the cleaning solution she used. She told me it would probably give me an upset stomach. Apparently, an upset stomach and crapping your pants means the same thing to an orthodontist. FML

#5306456
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33726) - you deserved it (3719)

On 09/17/2009 at 1:10am - health - by navyma - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

#5306318
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10411) - you deserved it (46902)

On 09/17/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by almostmugged (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I tried to wake my husband up in the middle of the night by kissing him deeply and massaging his neck and shoulders. He opens his eyes, looks at me, says "No", and goes back to sleep. FML

#5306041
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15227) - you deserved it (11996)

On 09/17/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by turnoff (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally figured out that when a man says "Maybe some other time, I'll be busy then" more than once, he really means "I don't really want to see you again. I didn't think you'd actually USE my number." FML

#5305557
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9980) - you deserved it (29409)

On 09/17/2009 at 12:15am - love - by justplainsad (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, it's my 17th birthday. I asked for a newer car because my car right now sucks. I got a book on photography. I don't own a camera. FML

#5304412
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15060) - you deserved it (46685)

On 09/16/2009 at 11:16pm - misc - by civic4life (man) - United States (California)

Mandakins's comment : Wahhhhhh. So let me guess, your parents have already bought you a car last year and you want another one? Do you really think money grows on trees? Buy your own car, mooch.

See all the comments →

Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML

#5303139
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30446) - you deserved it (2546)

On 09/16/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by Lulu (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying out for a play I really wanted to be in. After my audition, I was feeling really good. She said she would post the cast list tomorrow. Not knowing where she would post it, I asked her. Her reply? "It doesn't matter. You won't be on it anyway." FML

#5303014
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31395) - you deserved it (2662)

On 09/16/2009 at 10:19pm - misc - by Kat (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw a weight loss 'before and after' advertisement and I wished I could at least look like the 'before'. FML

#5301983
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28753) - you deserved it (17249)

On 09/16/2009 at 9:43pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to drink the most vile and disgusting medicinal treatments I could ever imagine. Then I had to drink it again when I threw up the first batch. FML

Today, I was at a stop light when I saw a cute police officer at the light across the intersection. Trying to be cute as I drove by, I turned and winked and waved. The car in front of me stopped, I rear ended them and then got rear ended. The cute cop winked back, then wrote me a ticket. FML

#5294180
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5165) - you deserved it (38961)

On 09/16/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by Jennnn (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML

#5293926
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38656) - you deserved it (4526)

On 09/16/2009 at 3:58pm - misc - by jaskyriddims (man) - Dominica (Saint George)

Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML

#5292418
333 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19463) - you deserved it (92408)

On 09/16/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by sarahh38 (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML

#5291551
485 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6722) - you deserved it (82487)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by Mac - Sent from mobile version

Aciliveth's comment : You let your kid get a week's worth of detention because you won't admit it was you? Some parent you are. Your kid's gonna be pissed at you, and you deserve all of it.

See all the comments →



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: