by epicfail / 05/28/2011 at 2:45am / United States (California) / Health
by Fuckit / 05/28/2011 at 1:51am / United States (Idaho) / Love
by greenhide8 / 05/28/2011 at 1:27am / United States (North Dakota) / Money
AScic1's comment : You're a swearing, iPhone using elderly person?
Today, I was working at a retirement center, when an old woman came to me and asked if I would like her old clothes. I politely said, "I'm sorry, but I'm a guy." She then said, "You could have just said no, instead of rudely lying to me." FML
by Imaman / 05/28/2011 at 12:09am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by valerie / 05/27/2011 at 9:04pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
alex1432's comment : Well try using more than just your hands??
Today, I was really psyched to go see Kung Fu Panda 2 at the movies. Excited, I tried to do a flying kick off the cafeteria wall at work. Instead of kicking off, my leg crashed through the plasterboard and got stuck. My co-workers had to pull me free. FML
by Anonymous / 05/27/2011 at 8:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Health
Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML
by moron / 05/27/2011 at 8:04pm / United States / Health
Today, a girl I've been crushing on for over a year finally gave me her number. I lost the note at home, but found it a few hours later. I excitedly called, only to find she'd written down the number for the local Pizza Hut. FML
by Anonymous / 05/27/2011 at 7:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
by diddlebuag / 05/27/2011 at 6:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Freeze's comment : Sounds like a fair payment.
Today, I finally get to go home after a 16 day training event in Colorado. The plane has been sitting in the runway for over three hours due to lightning storms and we're not allowed to leave. We've spent more time on the ground waiting than the flight itself would take. FML
by Username / 05/27/2011 at 5:13pm / United States / Transportation
by FMLer / 05/27/2011 at 4:57pm / United States (Washington) / Geek
Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML
by nicole / 05/27/2011 at 4:52pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/27/2011 at 11:44am / Romania (Arad) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…