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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I woke up in bed with no pillows. I think the guy I slept with stole them. FML

#13439536
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26185) - you deserved it (16997)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I gave my two weeks notice at work. My boss sighed with relief and muttered, "Thank God." FML

#13433715
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24220) - you deserved it (6143)

On 10/13/2010 at 12:42pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I held my cousin's new baby, whom I have nicknamed Canteloupe Head. He then reenacted the Exorcist by projectile vomiting all over my lap and shirt. His mom is a firm believer in karma. FML

#13433594
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9252) - you deserved it (33633)

On 10/13/2010 at 12:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML

#13433237
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23377) - you deserved it (9675)

On 10/13/2010 at 11:28am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my crush walked me home. As my mom opens the door, she tells me in Russian how ugly he is, and that I have extremely bad taste. Out of all the languages in the world, he happens to be fluent in Russian. FML

#13432971
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45675) - you deserved it (3766)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:45am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Brunei Darussalam

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

#13432700
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25556) - you deserved it (7267)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

#13432324
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39846) - you deserved it (22459)

On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)

amazinemo578's comment : what? that's romantic

See all the comments →

Today, I found out the man I'm getting a ride from drives a windowless van and is "excited to see me". My friends had encouraged me to sign up for the cheap-ride program because it was less expensive than taking a train. If I never come back, look for a windowless van somewhere in Europe. FML

#13432201
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25513) - you deserved it (4975)

On 10/13/2010 at 8:57am - misc - by deadinavan (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, after spending the three previous nights cursing the noisiest bird alive that continually disrupts my sleep to the point where I just want to smash the damn thing's head in with a rock, I realised it's been my pedestal fan the entire time. FML

#13431909
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6844) - you deserved it (30475)

On 10/13/2010 at 7:58am - animals - by SoundConfuser - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend and I went out for ice cream. We somehow started talking about which of our relatives had died. Right when she was talking about how her grandfather had died, I started laughing. She had gotten ice cream all over her face. She broke up with me. FML

#13431152
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11389) - you deserved it (38527)

On 10/13/2010 at 5:02am - love - by your mother (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML

#13431073
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24251) - you deserved it (19422)

On 10/13/2010 at 4:36am - intimacy - by Abused (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

kportal69's comment : what like he grabs on to your love handles during sex? why do you think they're called love handles?? am I stupid or are you?? just trying to figure that one out.

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Today, I rang my girlfriend to make sure she made it home alright. She told me to check my facebook. Nothing was different so I hit refresh. We were no longer in a relationship. I got dumped via facebook whilst on the phone to her. FML

#13430333
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36091) - you deserved it (2901)

On 10/13/2010 at 2:18am - love - by failure (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to get a trim. However, follow-up damage control at home afterward shouldn't really be necessary on a fifty dollar haircut. FML

#13429842
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20819) - you deserved it (5265)

On 10/13/2010 at 1:28am - misc - by grow_fasterrr - (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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