Miss Witham, England 32 years-old In a relationship
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to stay just friends. Not only did I get denied, apparently we're also "just friends." FML
Today, I found out that people can get ringworm from cats. I found out because I have ringworm. I don't have a cat. Then I remembered I helped a friend move about two weeks ago, and spent the night sharing a bed with her cat. That's the last time I ever help her move. FML
Today, my boyfriend's mother who lives with us decided that since I work from home, it would be a good idea for her to stay home and keep me company. "Keeping me company" includes ordering me to make her food, gossiping non stop, and ridiculing me for not being the woman that she always saw her son marrying. FML
Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML
Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML
Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML
Today, as a 1 year anniversary present, my boyfriend let me see and wear my engagement ring. He then made me give it back at the end of the day. FML
Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML
Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get intimate with again. After trying to get back to sleep despite my shame and disgust, he ripped the loudest fart ever. FML
Today, my immature step-father rubbed my head, destroying the $300 hairdo that took two and a half hours to finish. Three minutes before my wedding ceremony. FML
Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML
Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying to use "The Force" to pull over the toilet paper roll sitting on the sink. FML
Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML
Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
Today, my parents kindly told me what they are getting me for my 18th birthday. An eviction notice. FML
Today, I have severe back pain that is only relieved by lying flat on my bed. I also have acid reflux that is only prevented by sitting straight up. FML
Today, it's been two days since my upstairs neighbour's toilet started flooding both our apartments. I have to go to the bathroom with an umbrella. FML
Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML
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