Kiziku_fml

OP here. Yes it was the same guy both times. The reason why I didn't call the police is because he didn't actually expose himself. He clearly knew that he was doing something wrong because he checked to see if we were watching. I asked two different managers what to do, and both failed to provide a satisfactory answer so I was left to my own devices. The first time I caught him I told him he wasn't allowed to do that. The second time I actually closed the browser and told him that this was the last time this was gonna happen.

the snake is not dead or bitten. I knew what I was doing and the rat is dead and eaten. they were all buddy for a matter of 20 minutes.

I'm such a bad sleeper, earplugs and double glazing make little difference. As for finding a new home, I bought this place last year and spent many months renovating it, so the idea of selling up right now after all that is not top of my list. A lot of my neighbours have lived here since the houses were built in the early 1960s, so surely it can't be all that bad?! Although, I hadn't even considered the thought of the forest lurkers breaking in, so thanks for that...

Hi, OP here, to answer your question, the slow cooker was sitting on the bench, underneath a shelf in our kitchen. As I took the lid off, the roach came from above, literally jumping into the pot! So I definitely did not see it before I took the lid off!

Some of your comments kind of make me cringe, but this is FML so I guess I should have expected that. It was in fact not my boyfriends first time, not even close :P it was one of my first times, actually. He is the first person I've had sex with, and he knows what he's doing WAY more than I do. Anyways, he's just a really funny guy. He's confident and cocky and a goober and i love him. The first time we had sex I told him to talk dirty to me so he said okay and started whispering things like "the kitchen sink. The floor when I don't vacuum." And we both ended up laughing so hard we were crying. He's a fantastic guy, the love of my life, and I wouldn't leave him for anything. To wrap this up, why are people saying my expectations are too high? I've never had an ******, but I've given my boyfriend more than a few. I just wanted to know if I could have one, because I haven't got anywhere near an ****** yet in any sexual situations I've had in my whole life. I wasn't having false expectations, I think it's pretty normal to want to experience an ******. Anyway, thanks for reading!