Mr Ottawa, Canada 30 years-old
Today, I went on a drive with my girlfriend when we went past a 'Dead End' sign. She pointed to it and said it was "Foreshadowing our relationship". FML
Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML
Today, when I signed into Amazon, their top recommendation for me based on past purchases was "The Brave Little Toaster" on DVD. FML
Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML
Today, I discovered I am the "before picture" in an internet weight loss advert. FML
Today, someone in my class wrote "Erase me if you can!" at the very top of the board, as I am always tormented about how short I am compared to everyone else. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reach it. I'm the teacher. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my mother. She asked me if I was going to make it to Christmas at home. I told her that I would try and make it home since it would be my grandma's last Christmas alive. To my luck, grandma was sitting in the car with my mother, and speaker phone was in use. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML
Today, I was at my psychologist's. We were talking about creative outlets and I told him that I wanted to start playing Dungeons and Dragons again. He starts chuckling, and then says, "Oh, you were serious." FML
Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML
Today, I planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment's balcony. As he crossed the street, I launched the balloon, and sent it right behind him. It hit an eight year-old on a scooter. FML
Today, I've been considering breaking up with my girlfriend so I don't have to buy her a Christmas present. FML
Today, several family members, including my mum, deleted me from Facebook in a concerted show of contempt. Apparently, I just can't shut up about World of Warcraft. FML
Today, I was driving back from school 100 miles away from my home with my fiancé and dog. While stopping for gas, we accidentally left our car keys and cell phones in the car. The dog sat on one of the keys and engaged the locks. We were locked out of the car until the tow truck arrived. FML
Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML
Today, I told my new boss to wish his daughter a happy birthday on my behalf, as I overheard him saying it was today. Turns out she committed suicide three years ago. FML
TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML
Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML
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