Miss Margate, U.S. 30 years-old Single
Today, it took me five hours to paint my deck, only to have it ruined by the neighbor's cat running all over the wet paint. FML
Today, while riding a roller coaster, I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough, it somehow managed to survive and fall down my shirt. It crawled around and stung me a few times before the ride ended. FML
Today, I sang a sweet lullaby to my two year-old son. In the process, he smacked me in the face and told me to please stop. My sister sings to him all the time and he loves it. FML
Today, I left my bedroom window open to let in some fresh air while I slept. A skunk got in and sprayed my room. FML
Today, my drunk brother thought I could withstand a metal chair being slammed across my back like on the wrestling shows. I guess he didn't know that the shows are fake. FML
Today, my sister confessed to me that she sold some of my old shirts to the girl who's stalking me. This explains why I got a note that read, "I have your scent, now I can track you." FML
Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to take a video of his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML
Today, I had to drive my drunk parents home from a party. They leaned out the window and barked at everyone we passed all the way home. FML
Today, for breakfast, there were scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, bacon, sausages, fresh bread, croissants, brownies, donuts, fruit smoothie, coffee, tea and orange juice. Too bad no one bothered wake me up. FML
Today, while working as a cashier at McDonald's, a man came in telling me that he had not received his hamburger. I looked at his receipt and the date said 11/17/09. FML
Today, I got cock-blocked by the laundry. My boyfriend was the one who wanted to do laundry. FML
Today, I was jamming out in my car, tapping my fingers on the wheel and bobbing my head. At the next stoplight, I happened to look over and the passenger of the car next to me was holding a sign in the window saying, "I bet you don't have a boyfriend, do you?" FML
Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML
Today, my neighbor and I learned why fireworks are illegal in city limits. This lesson was learned shortly after a roman candle came crashing through my second story window. FML
Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, after having my car been broken into the day before because I didn't lock it, I made sure I locked my doors. When I got off shift and entered the parking lot, I noticed a brick had been thrown through my windshield and a note that said, "Nice Try". FML
Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML
Today, my husband decided he needs to be thanked after every time he changes our daughter's diaper; if not he throws a temper tantrum. Now I have two babies to deal with. FML
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