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The all-time greatest FMLs

Weirdo geek freaks out

By katw - 10/03/2021 02:01

Today, I went on a first day with a guy. It went well up until he saw my phone, loudly declared that I was ‘gross’ for having an iPhone, and then stormed out. I’m on a family plan and if it were my choice, I would have got an Android. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 261

To top it off…

By leo - 22/01/2023 12:30

Today, my alarm turned itself off, leading to me sleeping in and showing up to work two hours late. Throughout the day, I kept on fumbling my words because my job requires me to speak mostly in my second language rather than my first, and I'm not great at it. On my way home from work, I backed into a pole with my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 220

Messed up

By Anonymous - 04/07/2022 12:00 - India - Gurgaon

Today, my brain is all messed up, and my stomach is churning at the thought of going to school, which starts from tomorrow. I was never like this before the lockdown at least. I liked going to school; now I despise it. My social life is now shit, and I have no idea if my mental health is alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 183

Fred Durst stan

By Deaf Biscuit - 26/08/2021 20:01

Today, my neighbour across the street has entered his ninth consecutive hour of playing Limp Bizkit at full blast. The only thing overriding my concern for his mental health is my sheer surprise that they have 9 hours of original music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 108

Fall of Man

By Anonymous - 25/07/2022 22:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my husband moved out while I was out of town. The only thing of his he left behind was a copy of Paradise Lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 147

Lonesome wheels

By Anonymous - 28/10/2021 11:00

Today, while talking to my parents about my car, my dad said, "Don't put a lot of money into it because we will give you ours when we move." I asked why, and my mom responded, "Well, we helped your sister with her wedding, so this is going to be your wedding gift." I'm getting a car out of pity for not having a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 176

Sudarsky's gas giant classification

By leah - 06/02/2021 08:00 - United States - Denver

Today, despite not eating for a week, my digestive system is still overflowing with gas and I fart every 2 minutes. No medicines help, and the six doctors I’ve been to have not been able to find anything wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 109

God is Dead 6: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 03/08/2021 04:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my overly-religious parents that I'm an agnostic. They asked me why. As soon as I gave my reasons, my mom called me a "bigot" and hurled a bible at me, and it nailed me in the crotch. She then said, "That's what you get, non-believer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 190

Those things are lethal

By Anonymous - 15/12/2021 11:01 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I was riding an electric scooter on my way to work when a car sped out of a driveway and hit me. Not only did I end up in hospital, but I missed my job on the second day back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 138

Baby fever

By Anonymous - 09/06/2021 14:02

Today, it's the fifth long-term boyfriend I’ve dumped because I want to be a mother but they didn’t want to be fathers. In fact, the last one laughed in my face and told me he’d be willing to get a cat, because cats require less effort than dogs, and don’t interrupt his PS4 time after work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 524

Family Matters

By MeLandes - 28/06/2021 20:01 - United States - Germantown

Today, I found out I will always come in second to my new husband's alcoholic parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 158

Coinbased

By Keekee - 19/01/2023 14:00

Today, I rang up a customer’s items. The total came out to $24.67. She handed me a bag full of coins and looked at me expectantly. I asked if she had any other payment methods; she got irritated and said ,“If I did, I wouldn’t have given you this, stupid!” I had to count them. She was still 6 dollars short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 143

The drugs are working

By Anonymous - 02/08/2023 06:00

Today, my wife woke up from dental surgery still stoned off her box. She was asking for me, but when she saw me she said, “Ew, you’re ugly, I asked you to go get my husband, he’s goofy looking but you’re just plain ugly so you’re not my husband.” Not sure how to feel about that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 133

Does it though? Does it really?

By me. - 17/04/2022 00:01 - United States - Denver

Today, my mom asked me to bring the groceries in. In doing so, I brought in a bag full of toilet paper. She saw me and said, “Um, hello? I only said bring the GROCERIES in.” I was thus today years-old when I learned that ‘groceries’ only means food items, not just things you get from a grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 148

Let people believe what they believe

By Anonymous - 01/01/2023 15:00

Today, my wife and I finally got in touch with a therapist to deal with the fact that our daughter resolutely believes in Santa, despite being told by everyone and by common sense that he is made up. Before you make mad comments, be aware she is 17 and has no mental disorders we are aware of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 245

Bad day

By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 06:00

Today, I drove to my job and got a parking ticket for parking in my assigned parking spot. On top of that, my mom's dog gave birth to her puppies in my bathroom. I currently have a parking ticket and ten dogs in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 116

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 01/05/2022 10:00

Today, I got a verbal warning at work for "having a resting bitch face." I had a headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 105

Go big or go home

By kinwar - 27/09/2021 14:01 - United States - Hamburg

Today, I sneezed and peed myself while working out at the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 133

Shorty

By Romina - 12/03/2022 14:00

Today, I was mistaken for an 8th grader because of my height. I'm 32 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 109

SK8 OR DIE

By @juicy0rphans - 17/12/2021 17:01

Today, I was skating to school and a car stopped then when I was skating across, then another car came and hit me and I went flying.. Her one response was ,"Oops, sorry, didn't see you." Everyone else saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 143

Uber sister

By Aerogal - 30/11/2020 17:01

Today, I took my sister to the airport, after she asked me to a week ago. Five minutes into the ride, she told me she wasn’t going to the one 20 minutes away, but the one an hour away instead and gave me no gas money. FM

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 181

Emotional

By Vanessa - 18/01/2023 16:00

Today, I went to my boss’s office to ask him a question. He basically gave me a cold look and replied, “You just answered your own question.” Due to my pregnancy hormones, it took all the strength I had to not burst into tears right there and then. I went back to my desk and let it all out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 245

Detection

By Anonymous - 07/05/2021 08:01

Today, after falling head over heels for a guy I've been crushing on for the past few months; I discovered that he's gay, dislikes children and I stand absolutely no chance. This isn't even the first time this has happened. I have the worst gaydar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 334

Emotional rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 29/06/2023 22:00 - United States - Greeley

Today, my boyfriend of four years proposed to me and I said yes. A few hours later, I found out he's been talking to multiple other girls for about three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 117

Lost in translation

By Ariane - 03/12/2022 00:00

Today, I work as an executive assistant. My French boss wanted to do business with a big American customer, so he sent her an email suggesting a meeting. He copied me so that I could arrange said meeting. He had written, "Have your ass talk to my ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 122

Scooby snacks

By Anonymous - 04/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Ashland

Today, I was frantically woken up from a nap by my son who was scared because there was a dog in the house. We don't own a dog. It was the new neighbor's dog. When my son opened the door to go play outside, the dog came barreling in. My kid and cats were terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 151

Stressed out

By Anonymous - 16/02/2022 18:00

Today, at my highly stressful job, I found a note telling me to urgently call Margaret. I had no idea who that was and I wasted 2 hours trying to find out if she was in our legal department, political, media, sales, etc. until I remembered. Margaret is my baby sister. I may need a less stressful job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 340

Have fun!

By Outandaway - 09/03/2023 00:00

Today, I encouraged my boyfriend to get out of the house more often. So he did. He went out on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 259

Red flag day

By ConfusedAndHurt1997 - 25/11/2022 04:00

Today, there was an Instagram post featuring a couple’s vacation spot, saying, “Tag the one you’d love to share this vacation with.” My boyfriend tagged his friend he swears is “one of the guys”. Everytime I confront him over these red flags, he says I’m “overreacting.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 224

Sounds like an old joke, but unfortunately…

By Anonymous - 12/09/2021 08:00

Today, I opened my mail and mistook it for my bank statement. It was my hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 137

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The Top

Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 847

You deserved it 2 936

Today, it was my friend's 18th birthday. She had invited us out drinking. I've never had alcohol before and was very excited. I got a call explaining that she had invited one too many and asked me not to come. People bragging on Facebook about what a great time they were having didn't help either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 514

You deserved it 6 268

Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother, and my mom texted me, asking to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 546

You deserved it 2 928

Today, I pulled a muscle at work doing a cartwheel. I was doing the cartwheel to prove to one of my students that adults can do cartwheels too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 639

You deserved it 3 256

Today, I had to stay up until 5 AM running complex queries, one at a time, for a comprehensive report requested by our head of accounting. Instead of a "Thank you!", I got a message from my supervisor telling me to re-run them all, as he had messed up a single calculation. Coffee jitters aren't why I'm shaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 109

Today, after years of study and hard work, I fulfilled my long time dream of becoming a neurologist. Too bad it took me so long to figure out I absolutely hate working in a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 138