Today, I learned Google Assistant and Google Home work harmoniously together if I blabber on without ending a command, like when sending a text to my mom about canceling dinner plans because I’m fake sick and going to hook up with this guy, it’ll send every word. My mistake & lesson learned. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my Google Home decided the TV told it to play 'Despacito'. It didn't. Google then decided I wasn't yelling at it to turn it off. I was. FML
Today, I confidently corrected someone in a group conversation. I was wrong. Very wrong. Everyone stared while Google proved me incorrect in seconds. I nodded and pretended I meant something else. FML
Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML
Today, I discovered my new phone's voice command doesn't really understand my accent while I'm driving. It kept thinking I was saying, "Call my mum" instead of, "Open Maps". It called my mum 14 times. FML
Today, I texted my mom, “Love you!” and immediately followed it with, “Oops wrong chat” except it wasn't the wrong chat. She replied, “???” and now she thinks I only say I love her by accident. FML
Today, my best friend and I watched the "OK Google" horror short film. It's about a ghost that controls a Google Home device. Right after the short ended, my Google Nest Mini came off the wall and stopped reacting. Neither of us was near it. FML
Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML
Today, I was having a heated argument with my boyfriend over the phone. Mid-sentence, I yelled, “You never listen to me!” Alexa, from across the room, replied, “I’m listening.” My boyfriend started laughing so hard that he hung up. FML
Today, while I was getting it on with my girlfriend I accidentally called out "Mom" instead of her name. FML
Today, my neighbors heard me when I was yelling to an AI model for not following instructions. FML
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Top comments
jayqwe1 5
during lockdown?
BurnInDemonFire 39
This is why I type out my texts. This is also why I take breaths when I speak.
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Comments (6)
jayqwe1 5
during lockdown?
RichardPencil 32
She should understand. In the words of the poet, Tone Loc: Hey, you two, I was once like you And I liked to do the Wild Thing!
BurnInDemonFire 39
Yo Ace is in the house!
mekiswrite 21
Technology is always listening...
AmbrosiaFan 19
hahaahhaahahahahahahahhaahhahahahhahahahahahahahaahahahahahhahaahhaaaaaa
BurnInDemonFire 39
This is why I type out my texts. This is also why I take breaths when I speak.