The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Anonymous · 1 June 2022, 10:00 ·United States

Noise annoys

Today, I had to watch my grandparents' dogs. Unfortunately, my grandparents forgot to tell me that their new dogs bark non-stop whenever anyone else is in the house, which inspires the older dogs to do the same thing. The result: Five dogs barking incessantly, for hours on end. This is exactly why I'm a cat person. FML

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Anonymous · 22 February 2021, 02:01

Working from home rules!

Today, my husband said a cheery, "Hi!" to me after 4 hours of nonstop Zoom calls. I spun around happily and greeted him back. Turns out he just joined another Zoom call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928 You deserved it 145

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Anonymous · 4 November 2021, 07:59 ·Nelson, New Zealand

Mixed signals

Today, I got told I was too fat and needed to stop eating, because I need to lose weight. I was then given a full plate of food and had to eat it all. FML

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Marea90h · 9 December 2020, 20:01

Unrelatable

Today, a client hung up on me after calling me "Miss Proper" because I spoke too "clearly" for her. FML

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dumblonde76 · 14 September 2021, 14:00 ·Jackson, United States

Poot

Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928 You deserved it 395

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Anonymous · 7 March 2022, 14:00

Shipping culture

Today, my friend accused me of lying about being gay. Why? I happen to ship some m/f couples in the works of fiction I follow. According to her, gay people are inherently opposed to anything heterosexual, and therefore it shouldn't be possible that I like those ships. The kicker? She herself is straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928 You deserved it 126

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jaya · 3 May 2022, 12:00

Agoraphobic

Today, I attempted to conquer my fear of eating out. The very first thing I saw as soon as I got to the restaurant? An unconscious guy getting taken away by paramedics. I turned around and went straight home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928 You deserved it 194

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Music Lover · 7 November 2020, 14:01 ·San Jose, United States

Bum note

Today, after entering a conservatory of music, I've worked really hard on my academic subjects to past through the exam, so my major is pretty weak. After practising 6 hours a day for three weeks, my teacher asked me to change my major and said I'm the worst student she's ever seen. And there‘s nowhere I can go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928 You deserved it 185

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Nathaniel Bastien · 7 February 2021, 05:01 ·Canada

If only it was a leap year

Today, I inquired about getting a raise from a company that I've been with for 5 years. My manager said I'll get one starting February 29th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928 You deserved it 81

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Anonymous · 15 June 2021, 11:01

Secrecy

Today, I went to spend some time with my family. Unbeknownst to me, while I was having quality time with my family, my boyfriend of a year and a half was packing up his belongings and going back to his estranged wife. FML

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Anonymous · 17 December 2021, 02:01 ·United Kingdom

Really heavy sleeper

Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928 You deserved it 149

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Aislinn · 12 February 2022, 12:01

So sweet

Today, my one year-old took his diaper off and peed on my chest while I was sleeping. FML

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life101 · 19 October 2020, 13:56

PMS FTW

Today, I realized how emotional I get around my time of month when I cried because a cheese commercial was so "touching." FML

I agree, your life sucks 928 You deserved it 189

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Anonymous · 20 February 2021, 16:59

Overcome

Today, I just finished a client meeting. I couldn’t stop stuttering and couldn’t answer their questions. Towards the end, they just ignored me. I’ve been in the job for a year. I’m pretty much in tears now. FML

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Anonymous · 2 June 2021, 14:01

Showing

Today, I recorded a 20-minute TED talk and told my students to watch it on the app in preparation for next terms projects. I got bombarded with messages from my students, telling me that because I was sat down on a chair while recording, certain camera angles could see straight up my skirt. FML

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Anonymous · 17 January 2022, 08:02

Poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine

Today, I had to bring my youngest (a 3 year-old) with me to my therapist's, due to not having childcare. After waiting 10 minutes, the receptionist called me up to the desk to inform me that my therapist wouldn’t be seeing me, because of my child being there. Nothing like wasting an hour of my time. FML

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Anonymous · 20 October 2020, 05:01

Near the knuckle

Today, as a waitress I served someone who was hoping their food would come back faster than expected. I replied, “Fingers crossed!” just for the person to show me they had no hands. FML

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peetime · 24 July 2021, 02:01 ·United States

It's about time

Today, I was in the car with my mom taking the dog to the vet, when he peed on me. We were taking him there because he hadn't peed in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927 You deserved it 110

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sanuli_d · 14 December 2021, 11:00 ·Gosford, Australia

Crushed

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to my crush of two years. We went to the same school for a year but then he moved to my old school and became friends with people I knew from primary school. Anyways, I finally got the courage to have a conversation with him on Instagram. Then he blocked me. FML

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Anonymous · 30 June 2021, 20:01

Difficult

Today, a patient, who is normally pretty chill, was being quite difficult for my workmates. They were whinging about him and I defended him, he's normally a sweet guy so something must be upsetting him. I went to chat with him, he punched me and called a useless a**hole. FML

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Anonymous · 21 June 2022, 10:00

Cheeky

Today, my sister and I look enough alike she was able to steal my ID to go and get a tattoo at 15 years-old. Our mom is furious and also blames me, as though I willingly let her use my ID. FML

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anon · 27 July 2023, 22:00

Nature calls

Today, my idiot boyfriend, who thinks he's an outdoorsman, made sauce from mushrooms he'd foraged. I refused to eat it. He got upset and had two helpings. He's now in bed, whining about how bad he feels. Stupid dumbass. FML

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Anonymous · 20 March 2023, 06:00

Great start

Today, I went on a date with a guy who kept checking his phone every five minutes. When I asked him if everything was okay, he told me he was just playing Candy Crush. FML

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Anonymous · 20 January 2021, 22:59

Real life

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 16 months has had an "internet-only" girlfriend since before we got together, but she wasn't ever "real" to him, so he didn't think it would get in the way. FML

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Muhd Hazrie · 27 July 2021, 02:01

Flashdance

Today, I was working as a security guard in a office building. It was 5 p.m. and most of the staff had gone home so it was pretty quiet. I did a little ballet dance around my security post. When I turned around, I saw my supervisor taking a video of me. He sent it to my boss. FML

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Anonymous · 16 August 2021, 14:01

I want to smell feet

Today, my idiot son incinerated his shoes in the oven. They were wet and he wanted to "quick-dry" them, so now the whole house smells terrible. FML

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Anonymous · 13 February 2022, 02:01

High expectations

Today, I got broken up with by a professional clown who lives with his elderly parents and doesn’t have a car. This is definitely a low point. FML

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Anonymous · 28 July 2023, 15:00 ·Albuquerque, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Sensitive subject

Today, I'm 55 and I've been with my 61 year-old hubs for 32 years. He has next to no sex drive. When I asked him to tell me what is attractive about me, he said I'm nice, witty, easy to talk to. I asked what physically is attractive about me. He said, "You're not gross and you're not obese." He then got mad at me when I started crying. FML

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sarsuela · 8 July 2021, 04:01

The main characters

Today, we gave my in-laws-to-be our wedding invitations. Their first reaction was to assume we needed money and told us they couldn't help pay for the wedding. Their second move was to book hair and make-up for themselves. Congratulations? FML

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Anonymous · 22 April 2021, 21:30

The world is your oyster

Today, the guy I really love, and who apparently loves me too, told me he just can’t be with me because he’s moving away to buy an oyster farm. FML

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