The Top

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By Baby_girl - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my best friend whom I have been in love with for years, called me, proposed, and confessed his love for me. He was at a noisy bar so I asked him to call me back later and we'd discuss it. He called back later, hungover, with no recollection of our conversation whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 522

You deserved it 5 337

Pet this!

By shando - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spat directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated, then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 910

You deserved it 3 643

Ew, dude

By HaleyIsabelle - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 700

You deserved it 3 763

How about…

By username - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Elkhart

Today, my father told me to "go get a job." He has been unemployed for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 223

You deserved it 3 314

Are you kidding me?

By Stinky. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 994

You deserved it 2 799

Dissed

By Nick - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Philippines

Today, I laughed at a joke and it literally took me a minute to realize that it was me they were making fun of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 709

You deserved it 21 793

Confused

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Niles

Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 231

You deserved it 1 749

Harsh but fair

By Shianna - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Holden

Today, my son was fired from his new job, which was going to support us since I recently lost mine. His excuse was, "Conflict of interest." He was a mascot for a fast-food restaurant and refused to dance around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 316

You deserved it 13 842

Are we nearly there?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I'm travelling across the country with my family. My grandma thought it would be a good idea to take her shoes off. It's been 5 minutes and my eyes are watering from the stench. We still have over 200 miles left until we get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 273

You deserved it 1 627

Wild mood swings

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my boyfriend, who is supposed to protect me from murderers and rapists, had an emotional breakdown because he was so excited that I'd cooked french fries for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 074

You deserved it 28 322

Coulda, shoulda, woulda

By DeathbyWording - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Vernon

Today, my doctor said I "might" have an enlarged heart and an irregular heartbeat. It "could" be seriously life-threatening and I "should" go to a specialist for further tests. My insurance refuses to cover my consultation with the specialist because the doctor's wording is too uncertain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 767

You deserved it 1 351

Cold feet

By TheaterMom - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Germany

Today, after two months of rehearsals, an actor in my theater company decided he was unhappy with the role I gave him, so he refuses to perform. We open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 454

You deserved it 1 009

Horny dudes

By Fonz - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 528

You deserved it 56 778

Bye bye baby

By OhCanada - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my downstairs neighbor is single, clever and incredibly hot, while the upstairs neighbor is loud and obnoxious, not to mention a creep. I silently prayed every day for my neighbor to leave the building, and today, my prayer was answered: my neighbor moved out. Guess which one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 396

The Wrong Decision

By Anonymous - 25/07/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the reason my ex-husband suddenly became so horrible and abusive was because he had a brain tumor that altered his personality. Now that he's had it removed, he's back to his old self. I feel like I'm living in a real-life Lifetime movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 88

Unexpected

By Anonymous - 26/07/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, my stepdaughter unexpectedly got her first period during a visit. I explained everything to her, then took her to the store to buy supplies and snacks. Her mother called and cussed me out for “stealing” this experience from her. Yeah I totally planned it to happen this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 50

This is war!

By Help - 26/07/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, it's been a few weeks since I deterred a would-be mugger with judicious use of a stun gun. Now he and his criminal friends are stalking me and swearing revenge. I can't afford to move and the cops are useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 58

A whole mess

By Anonymous - 25/07/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I parked at the airport and rushed inside. TSA pulled me into a back room for screening, including a rectal exam, then let me go, but I missed my flight. Back at my car, there was a note on the windshield: “I know what you did, John. Lock your doors next time.” (My name isn't John) and I found a pile of shit on my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 91

No dice

By Anonymous - 24/07/2026 22:00 - United States - Calera

Today, I interviewed with a company 5 times over the course of 7 weeks. It was going really well and although not my dream job, it would provide a step up for my family. I got the offer letter at 1 PM! As I’m reading it, I realize it’s actually addressed to the other finalist. Sent to me, not for me. Offer rescinded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 51

Cash up front

By Anonymous - 28/07/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I’m a dealer at a casino so I get a lot of cash tips, which is a pain to deposit at the bank, so I use it to pay my rent in cash instead. I was unaware that paying rent in cash makes your landlord assume you are a prostitute and try to hire you for an evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 63

Should I stay or should I go?

By Anonymous - 26/07/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend got drunk and said it was a shame that two handsome guys across the room were gay, because real men like that were perfect for marrying and having babies with. She has let me know many times she does not want to marry or have babies. Guess it’s just me she doesn’t want them with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 92

Meritocracy ain't shit

By Anonymous - 24/07/2026 12:00 - United States - Henrico

Today, I was a manager of a store for 12 years and I'd had an agreement with the owner that I was to be signed over as full manager until I could buy the store… and then he goes to sell it to a kid I'd fired. I got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 69

Eager beaver

By TiePrior988 - 24/07/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I had my first job interview in ages. I went in early, but instead of anyone telling me, they waited for the manager to come and get mad at me because it was supposed to be an online interview. I apologized and we went ahead with the interview, but she seemed disinterested and annoyed. I don’t think I got the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 77

Turn the other cheek

By Anonymous - 25/07/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, my dad got married to a woman who's an atheist and makes fun of me for being a devout Christian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 455

Such a pity

By Anonymous - 26/07/2026 03:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I really tried to talk to my wife how I feel that she hates me and is with me out of pity. She denied it all but by the end of the conversation mentioned she wants a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 121

What is this?

By Not my dog - 23/07/2026 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I paid extra for priority shipping because I desperately needed my package before the weekend. It arrived on time. It was the wrong package. I'm now the proud owner of a dog raincoat. As in a raincoat for dogs. I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 71

Second opinion

By Anonymous - 27/07/2026 15:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my psychiatrist literally said the words, ”I don’t know how to help you anymore” to me. I have never felt more hopeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 104

OK boomer

By Haldu - 26/07/2026 22:00 - France - Dijon

Today, while waiting for the tram, I gave 50 cents to an unhoused person in his twenties. A boomer then spent exactly 7 minutes, the time it took for my tram to arrive, explaining to me that young people shouldn't be given money, otherwise they wouldn’t want to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 113

Mixed signals

By Middle Age Divorced Dad - 25/07/2026 00:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, and every day this week, my youngest daughter has been telling me about all the new friends she's been making and playing with at school. Her kindergarten teacher explained that when she misbehaves too much, they have been sending her to the other kindergarten class. This isn't the first punishment she's interpreted as a reward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 86

Bad first impression

By Anonymous - 27/07/2026 20:00 - United States - Weatherford

Today, I got stung by a wasp a few hours before work. On my boob. I was in pain, so I took a bunch of Benadryl and wound up falling asleep. I woke up to my very sweet manager calling to see if I was dead. Oh, and to tell me that I'm getting a new manager. Who was trying to set up a meet and great with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 81

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The Top

Today, I asked my mother if we were eating supper soon so I could take a nap. She said no so I went into my room and fell asleep. When I woke up, everybody was gone. My entire family of 6 went to Olive Garden while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 835

You deserved it 4 705

Today, after our Christmas plans got cancelled because of COVID, to make ourselves feel better we made travel plans somewhere else, which also turned into a red zone the night before our departure, we are now going out for breakfast as our highlight of the year. Thankfully they are open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 1 247

Today, my date escaped through a second-storey bathroom window before our drinks even arrived. She later texted me that it wasn’t my fault, I just reminded her too much of her father, even though I’m two years younger than her and look nothing like the photos I've seen of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 136

Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 236

Today, at 3 a.m., I was woken by my teenage daughter and friends skateboarding in front of the house in their bikinis. After last year's early morning adventures ended with the police calling me, I'd convinced her the rules are different for girls and boys. This morning the best I could do was get them to wear helmets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 921

Today, I finally went on a date with a guy who’s been begging to take me out for weeks. I’m terrified of dating but, after consulting with my friends, I decided to give it a shot as he seemed nice. He told me during the date that he has a girlfriend, but he just fantasizes about hooking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 97