Today, I asked my husband if he could please get the kids up and ready for school, since I’d been up all night with the stomach flu from hell. He said no, that he was too tired because my getting up all night kept him awake. I’m so weak from dehydration and exhaustion I can barely move. FML
Today, my right arm was broken preventing a woman being hit by a van speeding through a zebra crossing. One of my eyes is also swollen shut from where she kicked me in the face as I was on the ground, for “grabbing her boob”. Stupid ungrateful bitch. FML
Today, my mom gave me a severe scolding because I refuse to support my 3 sisters, and support 3 "home-wreckers" instead. They are my daughters, who are 3, 5, and 7 years-old. My sisters are 25, 28, and 31 years-old, and won't get jobs because they are "too important". FML
Today, the guy I’ve been seeing for a couple of months told me he’s now comfortable enough to let me meet his son. His two week-old son to be exact. Call me crazy but I think a pregnant ex is something a person should be told about. FML
Today, my husband will not stop fighting our divorce, even though he came out as gay. He insists that we can still be married and a family, and that I'm giving up. FML
Today, I found out that my dad has a massive number of kids he doesn't know about, some of them have hooked up, and it is a serious possibility that I've slept with one of my half-sisters unintentionally. FML
Today, my boyfriend was arrested and might go to prison because he shot the guy who tried to kidnap his dog. FML
Today, I had to take a doctor’s note to my son’s school for his extended absence due to surgery. The woman in the office was being rude so I gave a sarcastic reply about him being carried off by gnomes. That afternoon she sent sheriffs to my house to do a welfare check. FML
Today, I inherited almost nine figures from my grandmother. I also had to cut ties with my family and friends, leave my boyfriend and kids, and move across the country after they showed their true colors. FML
Today, while I was raking leaves, the rake head broke off the handle. My psychotic mother snatched the handle from my hands, screamed that the rake "worked ten times harder than me", and beat me with the handle. FML
Today, I introduced my mom to my friend who performed the Heimlich maneuver on me when I was choking. She proceeded to loudly berate and chew him out, saying that he should have gotten an adult and could have hurt me. Now he won't talk to me and I'm grounded for calling her a cunt. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried to forbid me from going to see my new baby cousin at the hospital. She’s convinced that I’m secretly trying to go see some nonexistent love child with another woman. When I asked her to come with me, my aunt said no because she hates my girlfriend’s attitude. FML
Today, my boyfriend zoned out and stopped listening while I was trying to talk to him about his zoning out not listening to me. He insists I absolutely never told him today was my uncle's funeral, swears blind I never told him, even though the reason he booked today off work was for the funeral. FML
Today, my husband said early in the day that he wanted to cook dinner. When he decided it was time to cook, he apparently put some meat on the grill. I didn't know he'd started dinner. He does this every time he "cooks" and gets mad every time I haven't prepared the rest of the meal. FML
Today, my abusive ex-stepfather managed to file a protection order on my sweet mum. Now, both of my younger siblings can no longer see or talk to her, and the police came to our door and took them. If they truly thought she was dangerous, wouldn't they take me too? He even has a real criminal record of abuse, and my mom is clean. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed with his grandmother’s ring in front of a huge crowd of all our friends. It might have been romantic if he hadn’t stolen the ring from his parents' safe and if we weren’t juniors in high school. Now everyone thinks I’m a huge bitch for saying no in front of everyone. FML
Today, me and my dad's birthdays are both a week apart. For his birthday I'd given him a cute card with a dog on it that said happy birthday, and inside it had 200$. A week later, he gave me the same card, but it was empty. FML
Today, my ex-fiancee found out that I didn't cheat on her, but said that we can't get back together because too much time has gone by and there's too much of a divide between us. I keep begging and pleading and crying and everything but she won't listen. FML
Today, I started my new job. I went to microwave food, only to discover roaches and ants crawling out of it. Now I am grossed out but still hungry. FML
Today, I got dumped by the guy I was dating because he wanted children and I'm now infertile due to postpartum complications. He was the only person that wanted to date me because every other guy doesn't like the fact i have two amazing kids. FML
Today, I threw an event with my colleague that completely flopped. At the end, my colleague invited the few people who showed up to take as much candy as they wanted from the gift bags I paid for and assembled myself. My colleague contributed neither the money, nor the effort to put them together. FML
Today, I wanted to go visit my mom, only to find out that she's still married to the same overprotective controlling prick who tried to make me drop out of my senior year of high school because of the Sandy Hook shooting. FML
Today, I invited my crush to the city I moved to for work. Paid for her ticket. She was supposed to be here for a week. Long story short, she spent the week banging my roommate at the Hilton. FML
Today, my friend accidentally killed his AirPods by washing them. He decided to lie to the service center and say they just stopped working. When I said they wouldn't cover it, he asked Gemini, which said it *was* a warranty issue, and gave him a cover story. Then, he started talking shit about me being useless. FML
Today, I was informed that my school doesn't allow us to log onto our school accounts on a separate device, but I literally bought a whole entire MacBook for school, only to be given this news. This isn't normal of any other schools, so I don't know why my school is like this. FML
Today, I admitted to my fiance that I'm glad I had a miscarriage. He kicked me out and called off our wedding. FML
Today, while still on a month of bed rest from a recent surgery, I started developing a fever from a booster shot. FML
Today, after me and my ex broke up a few weeks ago, I found out he had a new girlfriend, but he was repetitively trying to get back into contact with me to rub it in my face. Then his mum died and she blocked him, so he came running back. FML
Today, I thought my boyfriend was normal until we flew abroad to meet his family. He got in a fist fight with his brother, which their mother told me is just how they get along, and that I’d get used to it. Minutes later they were laughing, icing their bruises and sharing beers. Totally normal, right? FML
Today, it's been one year since my husband moved six states away for his job. The plan was for me to stay behind until I found a job, but I still haven't in all this time. I can just feel the distance growing between us. FML
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