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Right in the cussy

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, at work, the police were looking over video footage of an incident earlier in the day where a car had slammed hard into another one in the carpark. My manager came into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to come see it to for a laugh. The car that got hit was mine. FML

agreeclassic 78 917

vote type 1 3 291

Late stage Lucy Letby

By mrdentist - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I was cleaning one of my elderly patient's teeth. After finishing and reminding her to floss, I realised she had died. Supposedly she was dead for a good 20 minutes. FML

agreeclassic 70 228

vote type 1 5 616

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About two minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML

agreeclassic 57 642

vote type 1 19 990

Tis the season…

By evil Santa - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Solon

Today, I was mugged by a guy in a Santa suit. FML

agreeclassic 34 439

vote type 1 3 258

Roll with it

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom rolled up the car window on my fingers. She thought my yelling and crying was because I was throwing a tantrum. I'm 26. FML

agreeclassic 33 779

vote type 1 4 080

Cool down

By father-in-nope - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's dad helped me put coolant in my car. When I said I wished I could do something in return, he told me to get an abortion so I wouldn't "ruin" his son's life. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't believe me. FML

agreeclassic 29 819

vote type 1 2 853

New year, same shit

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I swapped a shift so I didn't have to work on New Year's Eve. An hour later, I realized I didn't have anyone to spend it with. I swapped it back. I'll be ringing in the New Year with my boss. FML

agreeclassic 25 728

vote type 1 4 516

Denial

By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

agreeclassic 15 074

vote type 1 1 079

Learning moment

By bigbro - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Southbank

Today, I was babysitting my 6-year-old brother and was playing Mario. When I won, he called me a cunt. I was in shock and asked him where he learnt the word. He said from me when I was driving. He then told my mum that I taught him a new word. Easy to say, I'm in big trouble. FML

agreeclassic 13 612

vote type 1 5 159

Heeeeeelp!

By baddoggy - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the vet after she had surgery. I somehow managed to lock my keys, my purse, and my dog in the car. FML

agreeclassic 12 269

vote type 1 23 840

Late night shopping spree

By DrunkenShopper - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Kirkland

Today, I woke up to a bunch of email notifications confirming all the drunken purchases I made last night on Amazon. Most of them can't be cancelled. This is the fourth time in a month. An "ironic" wolf-howling-at-the-moon t-shirt anyone? FML

agreeclassic 7 177

vote type 1 37 035

Be careful tonight!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - France - Ville-d'avray

Today, after a drunken New Year's Eve party with friends, I woke up with a penis on my cheek. It wasn't a drawing. FML

agreeclassic 6 892

vote type 1 2 111

Wild night

By alainopotato - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - San Diego

Today, I woke up in a bathtub, completely soaked and covered in both mine and someone else's puke. Happy New Year. FML

agreeclassic 4 522

vote type 1 5 708

Happy New Year!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2021 but it's good stuff

Today, my New Year’s Eve consisted of four things: being home alone, drinking cheap alcohol out of a tooth mug, getting an upset stomach from that, then going to bed early with ear plugs. FML

agreeclassic 875

vote type 1 325

Good comeback

By Juice Ko Day! - 27/12/2025 03:00

Today, three minutes into on our Christmas Family Reunion, I got kicked out and now probably permanently. What did I do? My aunt, who NEVER FAILS to do this, did loudly the, "Wow! You've gotten fat!" greeting on me, whereas I responded with an even louder, "And WOW! You've gotten even uglier!" FML

agreeclassic 526

vote type 1 103

Won't someone think of the landlords?

By Broke - 27/12/2025 12:00

Today, it's been months since I inherited a nice house, only to discover it overrun with squatters. I had to legally evict them, costing thousands. When they were ordered to vacate, they set the house on fire. Now I have a blackened ruin and depleted savings. FML

agreeclassic 514

vote type 1 63

Nice

By Screwed - 28/12/2025 03:00

Today, I'm diagnosed with a terminal liver cancer. I live abroad, away from my family, so I called them and asked them to come visit me, possibly for the last time. I even offered to pay for the travel both ways. The mother, with a quite indifferent tone, declined my offer and hung up the fuckin' phone on me! FML

agreeclassic 498

vote type 1 74

Let me think about it

By Girl - 31/12/2025 15:00

Today, my boyfriend proposed. He said, "Will you be the Eva Braun to my Adolf Hitler?" I struggle to think of a worse way to propose to a girl. FML

agreeclassic 407

vote type 1 83

Pay attention

By Anonymous - 30/12/2025 03:00

Today, my girlfriend is actually mad at me for not noticing she was two months pregnant. Since we met she’s always had a bit of a belly, and her default clothing is always a big hoodie or dressing gown, she even wears jumpers to bed, so how was I supposed to spot that tiny bit of weight gain? FML

agreeclassic 388

vote type 1 87

Many such cases!

By Tired son - 30/12/2025 15:00

Today, my parents won’t shop at stores they think are "woke" anymore. Now they drive 35 minutes extra to a different grocery store, complain about gas the whole way, and pay double for basics. Somehow this is still the previous government’s fault. FML

agreeclassic 375

vote type 1 107

When you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail

By Anonymous - 30/12/2025 12:00

Today, my dad insists he knows best when it comes to DIY, since he is a big mathematics professor, while I am a mere labourer with dozens of City and Guilds qualifications. He owns one hammer, an unopened screwdriver set, and a wood saw with a broken handle, but sure, he knows better than me. FML

agreeclassic 365

vote type 1 74

Foot in mouth

By Anonymous - 30/12/2025 00:00

Today, I made an offhand comment to a close friend about having to keep a close eye on my toddler so he “doesn’t kill himself.” As the words escaped my lips, I realized that this was the same friend whose husband shot himself in the face five months ago. FML

agreeclassic 341

vote type 1 205

Lemons

By Leah Magers - 29/12/2025 22:00

Today, my husband and I were finally about to put our house on market because we have killed our savings on moving and two mortgages for the past couple of months. Then the pipes burst. Awesome. FML

agreeclassic 337

vote type 1 55

I'm your man

By Anonymous - 31/12/2025 09:00

Today, I had a fourth and final round interview for a well paying job for which I'm very qualified that I need because my own business in the same field fell off a cliff after 15 straight successful years. The woman who interviewed me hated me from the start and lied about my analysis on simple things in her report. I didn't get the job. FML

agreeclassic 327

vote type 1 68

Seasonal depression

By Anonymous - 27/12/2025 20:00

Today, I was speaking with my therapist about future romantic endeavors. I'm currently separating from my husband of three years. I feel it's unlikely I will ever date again, and I've developed a phobia of sex over the past year. It's so severe that I cannot even masturbate. Destined to die alone. FML

agreeclassic 316

vote type 1 143

To be fair and balanced…

By Anonymous - 01/01/2026 00:00

Today, I found out my husband is still friends with someone who talks a lot of crap about me. FML

agreeclassic 297

vote type 1 69

Yay, Christmas! It's the most wonderful time of the year!

By Anonymous - 28/12/2025 09:00

Today, I loved my girlfriend so much until she broke up with me right before Christmas, I was sad but, I understood. I would always vent to my bestie of 5 years and she said I was being too dramatic, and I wasn't even supposed to feel sad about it. I've spent Christmas being depressed. FML

agreeclassic 282

vote type 1 96

The cycle

By Anonymous - 31/12/2025 12:00

Today, my body has always been in a perfect cycle. The week after my ovulation, I start getting (in order, on a daily basis) dryness, itching, low energy, depression, manic mood swings, loss of appetite, bloating, and finally, when the back pain comes, my period. It all hit me in one day. Why? FML

agreeclassic 273

vote type 1 55

Cute miscommunication

By 9 to 5 - 30/12/2025 22:00

Today, I texted my boss to say I’d be late because my train was delayed. Autocorrect changed “delayed” to “derailed.” My boss called immediately, panicked, asking if I was OK. I had to explain it was just a typo while standing safely on the platform. FML

agreeclassic 269

vote type 1 90

I'm a mess

By I'm awkward - 28/12/2025 20:00

Today, I tripped going up the stairs at work, caught myself, and laughed it off. Then I tripped again on the very next step. The same bunch of coworkers watched both times. No one laughed the second time. Neither did I. FML

agreeclassic 266

vote type 1 127

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I’m packing up to leave my home and move back to my mother's with my newborn a week postpartum, all because when I was at the hospital, I overheard my husband say to his buddy on the phone that this “father stuff” is way more than he bargained for and that he’s tired of pretending to find me attractive. FML

agreeclassic 1 402

vote type 1 174

Today, after a particularly nasty bout of diarrhea, I somehow managed to get poop on the ceiling. I still don’t know how it ended up there, and I’m too short to reach it. FML

agreeclassic 882

vote type 1 179

Today, my recently-neutered dog has to wear the cone of shame for several weeks. The sounds he makes when he's being rambunctious are now augmented even further by the sound of the cone scraping and bashing against everything. I tell you, it's so much more annoying than it sounds. FML

agreeclassic 792

vote type 1 216

Today, I wore out yet another set of headphones. This is the third one in a year. I need my headphones whenever I go outside because I have sensory processing disorder, and a multitude of hearing disorders that painfully enhance my hearing. Guess I'm stuck at home until I can buy pair number four. FML

agreeclassic 803

vote type 1 231

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

agreeclassic 35 494

vote type 1 1 870

Today, I woke up to my lovely 16-month old with her diaper on. When I stood up to retrieve and toss it, I also realized she'd pooped into her hand and thrown a log onto the middle of the floor. FML

agreeclassic 811

vote type 1 181