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The all-time greatest FMLs

Just the tip

By Anonymous - 15/06/2023 22:00

Today, my mother is mad at me because I dared, yes DARED, to go out with a girl who stands up to her instead of just meekly doing what she tells her. Which should tell you exactly what sort of woman my mother is, so you know this FML is just the tip of my lifelong misery iceberg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 151

Bizarre love square

By Lucky - 18/09/2023 10:00

Today, after almost 20 years of celibacy, a beautiful young woman surprisingly took interest in me, and we get along great. My close female friend, who I did once have feelings for, but who always made it clear she'd never see me "in that way" is having a full-blown emotional breakdown. Well, according to her husband anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 133

Fashion accessory

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 06:01

Today, I got ready for work in the dark, and it was noon before someone told me that I had one of my wife's pantyliners stuck to the back of my pants. I'd just given a presentation to 80 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 184

Tindersticks

By noluckthere - 10/09/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and set all my stuff on fire. Why? Because she found my Tinder account. I haven’t even used it since I met her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 407

Middleschoolers these days…

By Anonymous - 19/12/2022 00:00

Today, my son told me he wants to be a cop or enter the military when he grows up. Why? "Cops get paid to kill useless members of society" and "Only the military can stop communism." FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 309

Vengeance is mine

By shitty neighbor - 25/07/2021 16:01 - United States

Today, I had to call the cops on my neighbor. I was heading off to work when I saw him actually shitting in our yard. The reason? They caught my dumbass rebel of a son on their security camera, shitting in their yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 502

Welcome to middle age

By Adrianna - 03/12/2021 13:59

Today, I pulled a shoulder muscle opening my front door. How are your thirties going? FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 156

Affection breakdown

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 14:02 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 152

Lonely birthday

By Anonymous - 07/05/2022 16:00

Today, it’s my birthday. It’s 2:30 pm, and my parents are still sleeping while I watch television with my dog. I’ll probably also have dinner with my dog. Happy Birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 172

Kitchen nightmare

By McDonald's it is then - 30/05/2023 10:00

Today, getting tired of my usual turkey/tuna salad/chicken sandwiches, I made a pot of soup to take to work for lunch. My girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night to forage for snacks, spilled it all over the floor, and woke me up to clean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 142

Stalker vibes

By Anonymous - 06/02/2021 02:01

Today, my ex-girlfriend got some new piercings and decided to show me. They are the exact same piercings that the girl I'm currently seeing has. I'm starting to think she's still keeping tabs on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 184

Healthcare for all

By Jill_Free_Woods - 19/07/2022 22:00

Today, I was sitting down to do my homework when I severely sprained my ankle. I live on the third floor and can’t walk far without severe pain, and I'm broke, so a compression bandage is out of the question. I can’t wait until the first of the month when I get paid again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 154

It's a pretty good response, though

By angrymom - 04/06/2021 01:59

Today, I got a call from my son’s teacher. Apparently, while doing a test, he responded to the question, "Predict how the government will change in the next ten years" with, "I’m not psychic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 172

Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge, I'm trying not to lose my head

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 06:01 - United States - San Marcos

Today, and since I found out that I'm pregnant, I've been sober. I used to smoke weed to help with me depression and anxiety, but now I can't even take prescription medicine for it. I'm about to throw hands at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 396

#choices

By natedudelol - 07/06/2018 19:00

Today, at the self-checkout, I didn't have enough money for honey, so I just walked out with it and ended up getting caught. Now I have to hold a sign in front of the store wearing a big bumblebee costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 8 780

Pile on

By I miss bread - 14/12/2020 08:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out I'm going to be celebrating New Year's with a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. It's been two days since I discovered I'm gluten intolerant to go with my lactose intolerance. It's also my 28th birthday tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 107

Legalize it!

By fml9124 - 07/11/2020 17:02

Today, my state decriminalized small amounts of every hard drug you can name. Heroin, LSD, cocaine, you name it. I'm a recovering addict. I moved to Oregon to get away from the big city and drugs and take in nature. No I didn't. I knew this would happen. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 1 183

Bad timing

By Sorry granny - 04/11/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I learned that when a fly goes up your shirt into your armpit, it tickles very badly. I also found out that it's hard to explain this to your mother while she's trying to have a serious conversation with you about your grandmother's rapidly deteriorating health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 157

The anti Jackson Galaxy

By Anonymous - 04/09/2021 19:59

Today, I was feeding my neighbor's cat while they are out of town. As I set the food down, the cat bit me, drawing blood. I reflected that although I'm all that stands between it and starvation, even the cat doesn't want to be my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 145

Let people believe

By Anonymous - 02/01/2021 16:58

Today, I told a friend I had become more religious lately. He immediately started mocking me for being a "stupid creationist bigot." When I told him how offensive that was, he acted bewildered and started condescendingly lecturing me about how "science has proven God does not exist." FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 845

Bad friends

By Anonymous - 24/11/2022 02:00 - United States - Sewanee

Today, I just found out that my first-ever boyfriend has been cheating on me for our whole entire relationship. All my fake friends knew about the her, but they just "forgot to tell me". FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 104

Confusing love triangle

By Perry85 - 04/01/2020 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I said the wrong name in bed. On top of that, it was the name of her ex-husband's ex-girlfriend. Who he cheated on my girlfriend with while they were together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 3 670

You're my mommy now

By Lissy - 05/01/2021 14:02

Today, and everyday since we got a puppy in March, my husband is jealous of the puppy who follows me everywhere. He was the one that wanted the puppy and now he practically hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 198

By Anonymous - 10/01/2021 02:04 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I found out the first person I was able to open up to in nearly ten years is already in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 165

Hazing rituals have to stop

By Anonymous - 14/04/2021 05:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I woke up again from another nightmare about my university's hazing fallout. Every time I see their faces in these dreams, I remember how they got away with everything, including trying to end us as they searched for the first year snitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 226

You are what you eat

By i wonder why - 21/10/2022 16:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my roommate still chooses to waste his money on McDonald's food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He politely refuses to eat my nutritious home-cooked meals that people say taste amazing. Then he complains that he's in a shitty mood all the time. I wonder why… FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 553

A bit harsh

By amy - 08/08/2022 12:00

Today, my six-year-old son called to say he was suspended from school for drawing some “pretty flowers.” Confused as to why that would warrant punishment, I took a look and they were swastikas. He’s inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 150

FEED ME

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 23:02

Today, I woke up in a military hospital, after having all four wisdom teeth out yesterday. A nurse came in with a breakfast trolley full of eggs and bacon, looks at my pleading face, looks at her clipboard and says, "Only non-solid foods for you, private." FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 165

The UK is a mess

By Zeruda - 16/10/2021 17:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, the metropolitan police told women to "flag a bus" if we don't feel safe with a lone male officer. Because that'll work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 111

Help yourself

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 22:00

Today my boss went digging through my drawer, took a pack of gum, and told me I got him the wrong flavor. He kept it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 106

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The Top

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 920

You deserved it 4 353

Today, I went to the company's health clinic to treat muscle spasms and a possible cracked rib. In the process the old quack doc and overly eager nurses wound up giving me a storng laxative and 3 enemas, two of them quite large. Then I still had to return to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 534

You deserved it 327

Today, while working as a manager in a busy restaurant, I was hit in the face by a grandmother with a balloon, calling me a motherfucker, while her granddaughter chucked a salad plate into the kitchen. Why? I told them they had to leave at 10, which is currently pandemic law in my state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 83

Today, and for the second month in a row, my dad sent our rent money to some chick he’s been talking to, who promised 3 million if he sent dollars for bitcoin. We’re going to get evicted, and I have nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 103

Today, I went to a new hair salon that has just opened down my street. I asked them for a trim and a little bit of layering, just to keep things smart and professional. I walked out looking like a cross between a pineapple and a mop. Of course, as is often the case after a bad haircut, I have a job interview in two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 259

Today, I awoke at 3am to a discoloured, swollen and excruciatingly painful left foot. After a visit to the doctor and a CT scan, I was diagnosed with gout - AKA the “rich man’s disease.” I am by no means rich and can barely pass as a man, but still get the agonising condition nonetheless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 117