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The all-time greatest FMLs

A nightmare

By charapos - 05/11/2021 08:00

Today, at 4.20 a.m., I'm awake, scrolling through this app for no reason other than to procrastinate going to sleep and having to deal with yet more inevitable nightmares and weird dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 195

Too awkward for love

By Anonymous - 31/01/2022 11:00 - Germany - Norden

Today, I realized I probably have more chances of finding intimacy and companionship working as an escort than by online dating, because if I get paid to spend time with someone, I’ll decide to just go with it and enjoy myself, but on an actual date I will most likely second-guess and self-sabotage all the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 421

Considerate

By Anonymous - 01/05/2022 16:00

Today, my roommate constantly heckles me for using too much water, but I’m super allergic to Gain laundry detergent and any softener, which she uses a ton of. She’s the reason why I have to run an extra load of laundry every week to clean out the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 109

Deal with it

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 02:02 - Argentina - Mar De Ajo

Today, apparently having mood swings at 37 weeks pregnant is being "braggy" according to my husband, and totally not acceptable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 166

Mystery message service

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 20:02

Today, my two year-old opened one of my boyfriend's Snapchat messages. It was from a girl I've never heard of, with whom he has a 700+ day streak and is one of his top friends. The message said, "I wish?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 253

In the zone

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 20:00

Today, my wife was painting in the garage when she unplugged a random plug to charge her stupid, smelly vape without thinking about what it was she was unplugging. It was the large chest freezer. About £500 in meat and the entire bottom tier of our wedding cake defrosted and ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 159

Bad day

By it hurts!! - 30/05/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I double checked with the barista to make sure my latte had soy milk. After a few sips, I could tell it wasn’t but it was too late. I’m so sensitive to dairy, I spent the rest of my work day trying to stifle the gut busting cramps and noxious fumes. I had a meeting I couldn’t reschedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 170

Freudian

By Anonymous - 16/06/2023 00:02 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I was having sex with my FWB buddy. Right when I was about to cum, he stopped, didn’t even pull out, and said, “Wait, I have to text my mom.” The guy is 23 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 296

Get it off your chest

By Anonymous - 22/01/2023 10:00 - Taiwan - Hsinchu

Today, my parents are the most toxic people I've ever met. They don't allow me to go outside, they decide what I eat, who my friends are, chastise every fucking little thing I do even when it's so minor you could just forget about it in one second. The biggest shame in my life is encountering such toxic people like them. I HATE them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 203

Time just flies by

By Oliver Beck - 17/10/2020 08:03

Today, I found out the girl I like is in love with someone else. Five weeks ago, she told me she's never been in love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 201

Hot lava

By Anonymous - 02/10/2022 15:00

Today, after not having coffee for ages, I finally remembered why I stopped drinking it. I literally just shit my pants, and I’m about to start a ten-hour day with 27 fifth graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 289

Serial Shitter

By Anonymous - 24/10/2021 05:01 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I got an email from a colleague with a picture in it of shit on the toilet seat. The email said, "Not pointing fingers but I left you out of the last email." I pee a lot and so I use the toilet a lot. I think everyone at work thinks it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 115

Operation time!

By Murphy’s Law - 05/03/2021 02:01 - United States - Troy

Today, I went to see the doctor for my daughter and myself. I fell two weeks ago, I thought I'd sprained my ankle but apparently I broke my leg instead. I’ve been limping around for two weeks. My daughter was sick, which is the only reason I got X-rayed. It may need screws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 200

Enjoy yourself

By Anonymous - 17/05/2021 14:01

Today, I woke up after a 16-hour shift, and my back is out. I worked it in order to "enjoy" my 2 days off. I can barely move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 137

Omicron : Origin story

By IHaveThePower - 30/11/2021 17:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I went in for a job interview. Apparently, this company feels masks are optional, vaccines are optional, and I don't ever need to visit my grandmother with dementia again. Luckily, I was able to escape before I needed to quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 545

Where you been?

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 02:02 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, my boyfriend noticed a bruise on my hip. Apparently, he would rather believe I'm cheating on him, rather that I'm terribly clumsy at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 110

By comparison, I'm doing OK

By Anonymous - 29/05/2022 12:00

Today, with my relationship in shambles, I reached out to my cousin who has been separated for a year. I asked her if she had any regrets, she said, “I wish I’d done what he said and sucked off his friend.” My spending issues now seems manageable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 198

New creepypasta just dropped

By Anonymous - 21/12/2022 03:00 - Australia

Today, I was sick in bed with a nasty flu. It was also the day my bird was eaten by an animal that had silently burrowed into the cage while I was recovering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 141

#ForeverAlone

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 17:01 - United States - Marietta

Today, I woke up realizing that not even the scammer that I told I would pay for her friendship wanted to be my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 298

Thanks Boris!

By Ella - 15/01/2021 02:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after Boris made his Monday night lockdown announcement, my husband announced that no way can he handle another lockdown stuck in the house with me and two teenagers, so he drove all night to our static caravan and insists he’s staying there alone until lockdown is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 202

Social parasites

By Anonymous - 21/06/2022 16:00

Today, after pointing out to my landlord that they have taken nearly $6k from me through illegal rent increases, I was evicted for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 1 196

What? It's Caturday!

By Anonymous - 18/03/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that the reason my neighbors have been giving me weird looks while whispering to each other lately is because I've started walking my cat on a leash, and this is apparently "a cause for concern about my mental health." FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 324

Gotta get that clout

By Anonymous - 15/09/2023 22:00

Today, I was tricked into seeming like a sexist pig. A girl at the gym asked me to show her how to use a machine, so I did, then she started screaming at me to leave her alone. An hour later, I was all over the gym social media in a phone video heavily edited to make me look like a creepy gym bro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 106

Community cat squad

By Anonymous - 21/03/2022 02:00

Today, I found out that I have mice because my landlady got rid of the community cats that were keeping them outside, and apparently my cats aren't taking care of them. I found out when I turned on my oven and my apartment was filled with an awful smell that turned out to be burning mouse crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 99

Embrace your kink

By Anonymous - 31/03/2022 16:00

Today, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can only have sex with really fat men, because that’s what turns me on, yet as soon as the sex is over, through no fault of theirs, I have to run to the toilet to be sick because I can’t believe what I just had sex with. I’m so messed up in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 2 597

Teenage kicks are hard to beat

By oh my sweet summer child - 26/07/2023 10:00

Today, I’m not sure how to explain to my naive daughter that her new boyfriend is playing her. She insists that he’s just shy and that’s the reason he demands that no one knows about them, and pretends not to know her when other people are around. She thinks them having a secret is “romantic”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 156

Antiques Roadshow

By Anonymous - 25/11/2023 12:00

Today, my brother inherited a book from our grandmother that, in his ignorance, he donated to a charity shop because he’s “not a big reader”. I raced to buy it back, but someone had already bought it. The book in question: a mint condition, 1954 first edition Lord of the Rings, valued at £5000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 105

Happy nothing at all

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 07:05 - United States - Denver

Today, Betty White died. What a great way to start the new year… FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 240

Motherly love

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 20:00

Today, my son handed me a handful of snot he just sneezed out, then went back to playing with his Lego. I had IVF and gave up a career as a lawyer to have this little snot demon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 1 660

Frustrated you are

By SlumLord - 27/11/2020 05:02

Today, when thinking about an Star Wars meme that said, "Quote Star Wars to describe your sex life", I realized that I had to stop at the title screen: "long ago" and "far, far away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 158

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The Top

Today, my two year-old has learned new things from his best friend. His best friend is our dog. He's learned to eat dog food, lick people, and now he's started taking off his diaper to lift his leg and pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 519

You deserved it 1 573

Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 239

You deserved it 1 774

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 046

You deserved it 62 166

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 673

You deserved it 61 265

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 766

You deserved it 17 300

Today, It's Valentine's Day. I'm single and in college, where everyone is posting their S.O.s and going on dates. I'm intensely introverted and shy, and I have a crush but I'm way too scared to ever tell him, and I'm going to spend my evening alone studying organic chemistry. Honestly, I just feel nerdy and lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 182