Anonymous
Unfair
Today, I was let go from my job for not being able to come into work early. FML
The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs
frenchienyx
Lost
Today, I was in Brooklyn for a meeting. I parked my car but my iPhone didn’t save my location. Where is my car? Called NYPD. No car towed. I had to walk 3 hours in the rain to find it thanks to the “Panic” button. So glad I found my car, but the “Loud Panic” button didn’t want to stop for an hour. FML
Anonymous
How not to raise them
Today, my son claimed credit for a money-saving scheme at work that belonged to a colleague. He claimed this to someone in very upper management, but when they tried to ask follow-up questions, he obviously had no idea how to answer, admitted his lie and was sacked on the spot. FML
brokedude
United States
I can't eat these
Today, I got my birthday present from my dad. Instead of buying me things I told him I needed, he bought me collectible coins. I’m already stretched thin on my budget, and very stressed out. Looks like I’m living off Ramen and Oatmeal for the next 2 weeks. FML
Doormat
United States
Little shit
Today, a demon child called my severely arthritic mom a "bitch," all because she was walking too slowly for his liking. After verbally tearing him apart for daring to speak to anyone like that, his mom quickly rushed to his defense, even though she was close enough to hear what he'd said about my mom. I can't win. FML
FMLthissucks
Leawood, United States
Ditzy cliché
Today, my wife informed me her wallet was stolen from her unlocked car in our driveway. Three weeks ago, she misplaced her credit card that has all the monthly charges and Amazon tied to it. We've talked a lot about importance of locking her car, and she's constantly looking for her credit cards, license, etc. FML
Thatsjustmee
Canada
Oh nose!
Today, I was at rehearsal for a musical. I got a violent nosebleed in the middle of rehearsing and got blood all over my costume. I now owe $350 to the company for the damage I caused. FML
Anonymous
What is happening to me?
Today, my son was up at 3:00 am crying due to excruciatingly severe pain in his groin. I took him to the ER. After nine hours consisting of two different hospitals, an ambulance ride, a CAT scan, an ultrasound, and possible appendicitis, the surgeon finally said he was just constipated. FML
gagus123
This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff
Karma sucks
Today, I pretended to be sick at the office and went home early because I wanted to attend a party. On the way to the said party, my car caught fire on the highway. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Modern life is rubbish
Today, despite the fact of learning I'm now over 300 pounds, causing a major blow to my self-esteem, I tried to be sexy and asked my husband if he wanted a blowjob. Unfortunately, he's trying out new mental meds and they've killed his sex drive. FML
RockMeetsHardPlace
Midlothian, United States
Drugs are bad, well, some of them
Today, like every day since my diagnosis, I've had to choose between two impossible options. Either I deal with debilitating headaches where I cannot focus, or I feel so drowsy that I cannot focus. My finals are in a week and I can't study. FML
Anonymous
You're not in the army now, oh oh ohoh
Today, my son was booted out of the army after one week for laziness, giving attitude to his training sergeant, sheer bloody stupidity, and asking the man who ran the on base shop if he could score weed anywhere on base. Even the army can’t sort out this asshole I gave birth to. FML
Dontgetpaidenough
Black Friday PTSD
Today, a customer attempted to buy 5 mini blenders from our Black Friday sale. Our policy is a max of 2 per customer. When I pointed this out, the customer had a meltdown, spat on me, and stormed off. I have to get up tomorrow at the buttcrack of dawn to deal with shit like this again. FML
God damn it son
No, not like that
Today, after my 10 year-old son asked what equal rights were and I'd explained it means you treat everyone the same, this morning he punched a girl who's been bullying him so hard, he broke her tooth, because, "Equal rights: if she was a boy I'd have hit her before, but equal rights says it doesn't matter if she's a girl, so I hit her." FML
Squeakyclean
It's the new thing!
Today, my 14 year-old daughter threw a massive fit over showering. She dislodged the shower curtain rod and threatened to beat us with it if we ever force her to shower again. FML
Anonymous
Pump and dump
Today, my husband had to admit that he lost 5000$ on a cryptocurrency scam that some asshole Twitch streamer convinced him to invest in via Twitter. FML
tiptoppc
Right place, wrong time
Today, I drove across three states, starting out at 4:30am, to do on-site tech work. Once I arrived, I was informed that work was scheduled tomorrow, not today, which wasn't my fault, they messed up. I lost a whole day and gas costs. I don’t get paid for this unless I do the work. I’m stuck in South Dakota. FML
Anonymous
Mistaken identity
Today, a woman I've never met drove to the house I live in and tried to buy meth. She knew my name and I have no idea how. I retired from the Army in December and I'm in the hiring process for Customs and Border Protection. FML
Anonymous
United States
Polygraphs are BS
Today, I took a polygraph. The interviewer was mad at the way I was breathing and looking down once instead of straight ahead. The third test I started crying because he raised his voice, saying I was disrespecting his time. I was trying so hard but couldn't breathe with the equipment on, leaving my mind blank. FML
so sleepy
United States
Dream baby dream
Today, as a lifelong insomnia sufferer, I was having an awful night. After tossing and turning in my bed for several hours, I decided to try sleeping on the couch. Not only did I finally fall asleep, I was having one of the best dreams of my life… Until my neighbor’s brat had a tantrum at 6 a.m. FML
Geoff
Utrecht, Netherlands
Three's company
Today I've finally found love and contentment in my wonderful relationships with my girlfriend and boyfriend. We are the perfect thruple and very happy together. My mom has just disowned me because of it. FML
middleagednurse
Craigslist time
Today, I tried to contact a support group for parents of mentally ill adult children, because I’m at the end of my rope. Turns out there are none in my area and if I want one I’ll have to start it myself. FML
Ken Solo
It's all too much
Today, I had a coworker shout profanities at me and say he was going to punch me in the face. HR tells me they have a no tolerance policy, and I needed to stop being passive aggressive. He's the active aggressor with anger problems, but who isn't being reprimand, FML
Five Is The Spiciest Number
🌶️ Spicy
Party of five
Today, while I was helping my parents clean their house to my dad's playlist, the song "Mama Told Me (Not to Come)" started playing. My mom very casually said to my dad, "I did tell you, but you did anyway. Five times, in fact." Guess how many children my parents have, including myself? FML
Anonymous
Escanaba, United States
Gamers gonna game
Today, I had to delay the Father's Day dinner that I had to cook, so it wouldn't conflict with my wife and kids' gaming schedules. FML
Anonymous
Los Angeles, United States
Plans
Today, my ex asked me to take the kids for the day, which was odd as it's her weekend. My son let slip that she was getting ready for a surprise birthday party, but I wasn't supposed to know. As it's my birthday in 3 days, I was touched that she'd planned something. Turns out it's a surprise party for her new boyfriend. FML
Anonymous
Conspiracies claim another victim
Today, after learning that "phones are tracking you" and that "Google is spying on you" from some shady website, my son destroyed all our phones and computers. FML
Jaccqui
United States
No words
Today, I got a call from a lady who said my husband died in a car accident in Miami. My husband is supposed to be at a business trip in North Carolina, so I told her it must be a mistake. Turns out it was all true. He lied about a business trip and went to Miami with his lover, who was the woman who had called me. FML
Anonymous
Adopt, don't shop
Today, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for a year, with no success. My husband's unemployable brother and (still legally married to another man) fiancée announced they are expecting. They have 7 kids between the two of them already. FML
IHateThisFamily
Dear Leader
Today, my Trump-loving sister named her newborn daughter Maga. She’s dead serious. It’s on the hospital papers. And she has the audacity to say she’s “not in a cult.” FML