The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Anonymous · 6 June 2021, 16:58 ·Steele, United States

Student becomes the master

Today, my son's "favorite" teacher went on a tirade criticizing my "awful" parenting. About two months ago, my son got her fired after he reported her to the principal for forcing him to miss out on lunch to finish a project. Apparently, that wasn't the first time she did something like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005 You deserved it 122

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what year is this?! · 27 March 2022, 22:00 ·United States

Republicans scrap child marriage bans

Today, I found out my 17 year-old cousin is getting married. My hyper religious family swears my concerns are just “masking” my jealousy. Yeah sorry for thinking such a young person, who is still a child, should have her own life before making such a huge decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005 You deserved it 185

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Anonymous · 15 February 2023, 22:00

A heartwarming family story

Today, I realized that over 20 years ago I married a man who could never mature, after we had a marital argument and he couldn't just have an one side, but rather decided to involve our 11 year-old old son, allowing him to repeat his words toward me, like "bitch", "whore", and "cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004 You deserved it 199

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Anonymous · 13 September 2021, 02:00

Sleep punching is a thing

Today, I woke up to a punch in the face. My girlfriend said it was because she dreamed that I'd bought all her friends Taco Bell but didn't bring her anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004 You deserved it 106

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Danielle Heichelbech · 8 November 2020, 14:02 ·United States

Chemical warfare

Today, my 28-year-old husband lifted one cheek, strained so hard I thought he'd shat himself, and screamed, "Fire one!" as he released from his ass a stench so awful all my eyebrows and eyelashes are now permanently curly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004 You deserved it 173

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Anonymous · 2 February 2021, 02:01 ·Buckie, United Kingdom

Unmatched

Today, my girlfriend of three months broke up with me. Her reason? I'm "not interesting." I said things that might have led to a conversation, she would say "yeah" to everything. She argued about stuff I said that she didn't like; called my mates cunts; didn't let me have female mates. All her mates are lads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004 You deserved it 298

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Anonymous · 21 April 2022, 16:00 ·United States

Identity politics

Today, I came out as a lesbian to my friends. They were supportive, save for my one friend, who accused me of copying her by also being a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004 You deserved it 174

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Anonymous · 4 January 2022, 08:01

When you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression

Today, again, I listened to dozens of people continue to whine about how pandemic restrictions are the hardest thing ever while continuing to battle the chronic illnesses, loss of family, underemployment, trauma, and ensuing depression I've struggled with, largely in secret, for the last 15+ years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004 You deserved it 319

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Anonymous · 4 June 2023, 10:00 ·Miami Beach, United States

A tale as old as time

Today, I went out with a girl, I paid for the drinks, and thought everything went well, even though I didn’t make a move, I guess I wanted to take it slow. I texted later to invite her to a private beach next week, only for her to reply that she’s not gonna be available for the next few weeks because her boyfriend is coming to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004 You deserved it 178

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Anonymous · 8 January 2021, 05:00

Abusive

Today, my dad threatened to hit me if I didn't tell him what I had in my homework. He thinks I won't keep secrets from him this way. There's a reason I kept secrets in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004 You deserved it 97

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Lexxxiii · 26 March 2021, 11:01

Stuck

Today, my friend informed me that I’m not moving in with him anymore, and that his sister is taking my place. Unfortunately, I'd finally gathered the money and a car to move out of state with him. Just when I thought I was going to get away from this hellhole, I’m sinking further into never leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004 You deserved it 95

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Betriz · 14 August 2023, 06:00 🌶️ Spicy

Helping hand

Today, I walked in on my live-in sister masturbating my husband. He currently has injuries on both arms and they’re both in a cast. She told me he was “horny” and needed to “take some pressure off” so she wanted to “help” because she "was home at the time.” They both seriously see nothing wrong with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004 You deserved it 166

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Anonymous · 1 July 2021, 02:01 ·Canada

Get me out of here

Today, I work at a super toxic workplace, where the owner/boss takes part in some rude/bullying behavior and does nothing when I'm being bullied by coworkers. As a matter of fact, he takes their side. I have been looking for a new job in what I do, but haven't had any luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004 You deserved it 111

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Anonymous · 18 December 2022, 00:00

Foreshadowing

Today, I sliced my finger open on a blender while removing a sticker that said, “Sharp blade, remove carefully”. I wouldn’t have gone near the blade if it weren’t for the stupid warning sticker that needed to be removed to use it. FML

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Singleagain · 10 January 2024, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Classic

Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003 You deserved it 144

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Anonymous · 29 December 2020, 02:02 ·Australia

One-sided

Today, after I spent quite some time getting thoughtful gifts for my friend and her kids ahead of their visit, she made a big fuss about how she'd "forgotten" to bring the gift she'd bought for me. Later, she casually admitted that she'd intentionally not bought me anything because she, "didn't think I'd need it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003 You deserved it 135

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Anon · 14 July 2023, 18:00 ·Denver, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Are men OK?

Today, I had a manbaby on a dating app tell me that I should experience more transphobia, because I declined to sleep with him behind his wife's back. Dating as a trans person is hard enough, but WTF, dude? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003 You deserved it 418

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Anonymous · 3 January 2023, 09:00

Not an Addams Family person

Today, my girlfriend spend all day pouting that I wouldn't watch 'Wednesday' with her, despite my giving the pilot a chance and hating it. Yet when I choose a show, I usually get five seconds before, "What is this? I don't like it! Turn it off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003 You deserved it 256

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hey Siri save me! · 15 July 2021, 04:01

Meltdown

Today, like most days, my mom screamed at me for not knowing the answer to one of her random questions. When I told her she could easily Google it or ask Siri, she went full nuclear meltdown and raged, "I’m not asking that bitch Siri, I’m asking YOU!" The words "batshit crazy" come to mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003 You deserved it 138

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whole wheat or nothing · 30 December 2022, 15:00

Power dynamic

Today, my girlfriend viciously chewed me out for not taking a sandwich to work to save money. I don't have a problem with packing lunches, but the store-brand white bread she insists on buying is disgusting. She won't listen to me, and refuses to let me buy anything else. FML

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Anonymous · 18 December 2020, 08:08 ·Cleveland, United States

Grateful

Today, my mom made me shovel our long driveway, as it had just snowed a couple of inches. It took me two and half hours to finish. She came out and said, "Wow, is this really the best you can do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003 You deserved it 181

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Lexxxiii · 22 December 2020, 23:02

Eyebleach

Today, while delivering an Amazon package, I arrived to this one house where the man was outside, so I just handed it to him. As he was reaching for it, his robe popped open. Twice. He was wearing nothing but the robe, and he was your typical fat, hairy, 40-year-old man. My poor eyes. FML

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called the cops · 23 September 2023, 04:00 ·United States

Help yourself!

Today, my now ex was angrily moving out of our place. She slammed the door so hard behind her it bounced back wide open instead of latching. I don’t live in the best of neighborhoods. Since I was out of town, all I could do was watch helplessly on the Ring camera as my place was emptied out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003 You deserved it 166

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Brodam · 17 September 2020, 20:01 ·Scotch Plains, United States

Priorities

Today, we began our honeymoon with a Yellowstone Park hike. Wildfires took hold at both ends of the park. We lost all cell service. Her parents and my mom worried, texted and called. My dad just logged into my Fantasy Football team to pick up a running back in this week's waiver wire. FML

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Anonymous · 11 March 2021, 20:01

Wake up Boo!

Today, my work made us all get up at 3 a.m. to head to the airport for our 7 a.m. flight, only for us to get to the airport and find out the flight is cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003 You deserved it 97

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Fiesta · 17 August 2022, 10:00 ·United States

Dirty dancing

Today, we were at a wedding reception. I had to explain to my husband why it’s inappropriate for another woman to dance with her butt gyrating on his crotch. He insists it was “harmless dancing” and to stop being a “party pooper.” FML

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Me. · 16 December 2022, 03:00

You are the chosen one

Today, a cat appeared in my basement. I have cats, but not an orange one. I don't know where he came in from. I can hardly afford the two cats and dogs I already have, so keeping him is not an option, not to mention he could have a disease. But it's winter, and I feel like crap for having to kick him out. FML

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Anonymous · 12 August 2023, 06:00 ·Eagle Mountain, United States

You must conform!

Today, and for the past year, my sisters have been guilt-tripping me for not giving their kids some cousins to hang out with. I hate kids and I don’t feel bad, but it’s starting to get annoying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003 You deserved it 113

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Anonymous · 10 November 2022, 18:00

Kids these days…

Today, I became a grandmother. At 44 years-old. My son is 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003 You deserved it 319

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still can’t sleep · 21 December 2021, 14:01 ·United States

Healthcare in the USA

Today, despite changing my eating habits, exercising regularly, and taking melatonin, I still can’t sleep. When I told my doctor, she prescribed antidepressants. This is the third time she’s tried to give them to me. That’s her solution for everything, and my insurance won’t give me another doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003 You deserved it 160

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