Today, I caught my 29 year-old brother-in-law scratching his poison ivy with a handful of forks before putting them back in the drawer. I called him on it and he huffed, "You've never said anything before." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML
Today, my younger brother sat on some poison ivy. He didn't have any symptoms because he's pretty much immune to it. Also today, my boyfriend had to run to the ER because he got poison ivy on his genitalia. I knew they spent way too much time together. FML
Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML
Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML
Today, my older brother offered me a cigarette. I took it and barely took a drag before he socked me in the arm and lectured me for taking the offer. He's an alcoholic, and smokes daily. FML
Today, during a family dinner, I witnessed my younger brother casually slip his hand down the back of his pants, take it out, sniff each finger individually, before stirring his hand in his spaghetti and continue to eat normally. I was the only one who saw this. FML
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
Today, my younger brother complained yet again of soreness in his wrist. Frustrated with his constant whining, my mother turned to him and snapped, 'Well, what have you been using it for all this time then!?' The awkward silence of realisation for them both won't go away anytime soon. FML
Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML
Today, my 18-year old son decided to run his hand over our wooden fence to try and get a splinter, as he "forgot what they felt like." Last month, he stabbed himself in the arm with a sewing needle because he "forgot what an injection feels like." I raised this idiot. FML
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Top comments
holly_fly 34
That's so nasty. I'd wash every fork from now on... better yet, buy new and keep them in a safe place. XD
Glowworm56 27
Well, now you definitely know where NOT to get a fork to take to work to eat your pasta with.
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Comments (14)
holly_fly 34
That's so nasty. I'd wash every fork from now on... better yet, buy new and keep them in a safe place. XD
Talented73 54
Better yet, keep a set of your own utensils!
Glowworm56 27
Well, now you definitely know where NOT to get a fork to take to work to eat your pasta with.
RichardPencil 32
And you certainly don't want to know what he's doing with your pens!
Talented73 54
THEPENISMIGHTIERTHANTHESWORD.
Exaspera 55
Give all of those forks to him and get new ones!
sunshine1421 14
lmao sorry thats so wrong but pretty funny.... boys really grow up... on the plus side youve slowly built up an immunity to poison ivy
Talented73 54
Sometimes, it's just better not to know. SMH
Burle 17
What is the purpose of scratching poison ivy with forks?
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
That's so disgusting. I wouldn't allow him over my house anymore. I can't help but imagine scooping a mixture of dry skin and food into my mouth. My god, OP! I sympathize...
TheLostCauseFML 40
That's just... ew.. Your brother isn't the smartest. Maybe he's adopted?
pntgirl95 14
Can't your throat close up from that, ingesting the oils from it and all that? I know it's bad to burn and inhale it but I think this would be dangerous too right?
Thereisnospork 4
What actual ****! He did it before?!? He should beaten excessively