Today, I took a polygraph. The interviewer was mad at the way I was breathing and looking down once instead of straight ahead. The third test I started crying because he raised his voice, saying I was disrespecting his time. I was trying so hard but couldn't breathe with the equipment on, leaving my mind blank. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally realized that I have so much anxiety and stress, I would fail a polygraph test asking me my own name. FML
Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML
Today, I took a test as part of a job requirement. I took a sip from a bottle of juice, and the lady leading the test gave me a warning. I tried to explain that if I didn't, I would faint. She took the bottle and hid it. 15 minutes later I collapsed. She thought I was faking. I'm hypoglycemic. FML
Today, I had to take an oral examination. I made it to the last part of the exam, then violently threw up in the middle of my answer. FML
Today, I had a panel job interview with 3 people. My nerves got the best of me, especially when they asked me about my weaknesses. I gave them an answer, but they kept bombarding me with additional follow-up questions that I couldn’t think of the answers to. It got so bad, I was reduced to tears. FML
Today, I was taking a test and thought I was doing great until I realized I was writing all my answers on the question paper, not the answer sheet. By the time I noticed, there were only five minutes left. FML
Today, I had a job interview. I have a speech impediment and as much as I tried to keep it under control, it came out during the interview. I could tell the interviewers were trying to hold in their laughter. They ended the interview after 5 agonizing minutes, saying they’ll contact me. I left in tears. FML
Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
Today, I was at a job interview and, just as I was about to answer a question, I suddenly got the worst case of hiccups. I tried to hold them in but ended up hiccuping in rhythm, making me sound like a malfunctioning robot. I spent the rest of the interview with a red face and no idea how to get my dignity back. FML
Today, I went to a very important job interview. I was so nervous that I passed out right in front of the interviewer's desk. FML
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Top comments
sweetpotato 12
and what exactly was this polygraph for.
And1 12
Did they find out where you hid the body?
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Comments (9)
sweetpotato 12
and what exactly was this polygraph for.
kfchicken 31
probably nothing serious there not that accurate the man who invented then said so himself and their not accepted in court for that very reason.
And1 12
Did they find out where you hid the body?
And1 12
So, where is the body?
RichardPencil 32
Your polygraph-beating techniques are wrong. Just clench your asshole as if you're holding in a big shit will conceal your lies with electrical noise. Just do that and they'll never find out about bomb you planted. ;)
Yudith 28
So, to beat a polygraph, you have to a) look down, b) breathe like you're being choked by the equipment. Got it.
mskeptik 12
Why don't you say, "hey charlatan, don't you dare raising your voice on me, your job is quackery and your time doesn't deserve to be respected because it doesn't worth shit"? Tell him the truth and make him cry.
ChipBoundary 9
Polygraph's are legitimate, they are admissable in courts, and are more accurate than eyewitness testimony in all cases.
Hangryko 32
@ChipBoundary - Wrong on all counts.
mskeptik 12
"Legitimate" does not mean "scientific". No scientific experiment ever has proven efficacy of a polygraph. If any court admits polygraphs, horoscopes or palm reading, that's too bad for the court. I don't know what kind of court would ever buy this rubbish, but American courts don't: In the 1998 US Supreme Court case United States v. Scheffer, the majority stated that "There is simply no consensus that polygraph evidence is reliable"... In 2005, the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals stated that "polygraphy did not enjoy general acceptance from the scientific community"... etc, etc.
metroido 21
Don’t feel bad. It’s hard to pass a polygraph test, even if you have absolutely nothing to hide.
metroido 21
Don’t feel bad. It’s hard to pass a polygraph test, even if you have absolutely nothing to hide.
wrenavery90 12
Are you a criminal? Is that the reason for the polygraph?