Today, I was told that a coworker of mine absolutely hates me. Why? Because sometimes I have a slight stutter, and he thinks I'm mocking his very apparent stutter. FML
Today, I caught my dad stealing my money again, after I'd warned him he was on his last chance. I threw him out, since he’s been sleeping rough on my sofa. He reported me to the authorities for "elder abuse" and showed them fresh bruises I know the conniving old bastard gave himself. I was handcuffed. FML
Today, despite my asking her several times, my mom seems incapable of putting dog food in a bowl. She just throws it on the floor, where you step on it, slip on it, the doors get stuck on it and the tiles are now full of greasy dog food crumbs. FML
Today, I stopped watching porn at 6 a.m. to Google if depression makes you not able to cum. I was masturbating because I can't sleep. Insomnia is also a sign of depression. There's no joy at night anymore. FML
Today, I found out via Facebook that my once-favourite aunt has fully bought into the QAnon bullshit about the "stolen" US election, bible quotes and all. We live in the UK. FML
Today, my husband decided to surprise me with some "sexy" manscaping. When he took his clothes off, I immediately got drier than the Sahara desert. He was going for "porn star" but instead looked like a prepubescent kid, which immediately turned me off. He then got mad at me for “ruining the mood.” FML
Today, someone called me a bitch, all because I refused to sell him lottery tickets at 3 a.m. My state prohibits sales after 10 pm. FML
Today, my boyfriend has been grumpy for days, because his essay on society's fixation with performance, winning awards and getting good grades got a somewhat disappointing grade. FML
Today, I got stood up on a date. To add insult to injury, meeting up was her idea. FML
Today, I got t-boned while on my way represent myself in a deposition for a lawsuit I filed against my neighbor. The other driver was my neighbor's husband. FML
Today, so far, I’ve been called the c-word, a bitch, and a douche. All by the same person, all because I wouldn't make them coffee at one in the morning. We don’t serve coffee until 6 a.m. FML
Today, I went to the dentist and she told me, "If you don't stop smoking, yellow teeth aren't the only thing you'll have to worry about." I don't even smoke. FML
Today, I was paired up with a girl in my class for a project. She started crying. FML
Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML
Today, I'm 21 and my parents expect me to get married before moving in with my boyfriend. We want to move overseas for our careers before marrying, but my parents think that “if that’s how things are going to be, then it’s best you break up. You need to uphold to our traditions.” I don't know what to do. FML
Today, I woke up early in the morning after sleeping 3 hours. Stepped into the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee like usual. I was sipping my hot coffee while studying, until I noticed a small roach skeleton. I found 3 more in my coffee maker. FML
Today, I'm sick with a fever, and on my cycle I was too tired and forgot to change my tampon, and ended up putting another one in. I woke up to go to the bathroom and ended up pulling two out. FML
Today, after spending 4 years without dating after an abusive relationship, and going out with who I thought was a decent guy for 6 months, I told him I have bipolar disorder and take medication for it. He responded by dumping me saying he can’t date someone who’s “crazy.” Back to putting my wall up I go. FML
Today, I was mauled by my own dog. I own a Chihuahua. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it was OK for both of us to leave the house with the oven on. FML
Today, I used the upstairs bathroom rather than the downstairs one, which was in close earshot of my parents. When I came out, my mom angrily asked why I used that bathroom. I explained to her that I have shy bladder, and she said, "That’s not a real thing. I can go even with someone watching." FML
Today, I was involved in a car crash. When I told him, my boyfriend was more interested in what he was going to have for lunch. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my man juice all over me. I'm 40 years-old, and haven’t had a wet dream since my early high school days. The worst part is that the only dream I remember involved going to the DMV. FML
Today, I have a friend who has consumed almost every known drug in our country, but refuses to get the Covid vaccine, claiming that, "it contains the 5G, and I won't let them control me." FML
Today, my fiancé called off our wedding, all because I wouldn’t tell him how much my life insurance is worth. Apparently, “Lovers don’t keep secrets from one another” and, “If you’re hiding that, God knows what else you could be hiding.” FML
Today, I had to call a locksmith because I got locked out of my apartment. It cost a total of $350 to break in and repair the lock. Not even 3 hours later, I dropped my only key in the sewer. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I spent the day doing nothing but chores, amongst which baking my own birthday cake. I was then so exhausted that I couldn't even stand my own company, so I ate the cake alone on the couch, watching TV. It didn’t taste great. FML
Today, I realized that my husband's family hates me for something I did 10 years ago. When I was 18. I’m so done apologizing for it. My daughter does not deserve to see her mother treated like this. FML
Today, after a few months of trying to gain weight due to being severely underweight, I got a stomach flu and lost every single pound I put on, and then some. FML
Today, my work told my they are launching a work performance investigation. That would be OK, if the only person assessing me wasn't the same person giving me the tasks that have nothing to do with my experience, and thus causing the low performance. My kids need my work visa to stay in the country. FML
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