Today, my son was booted out of the army after one week for laziness, giving attitude to his training sergeant, sheer bloody stupidity, and asking the man who ran the on base shop if he could score weed anywhere on base. Even the army can’t sort out this asshole I gave birth to. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son told me he failed to get into the army, which I didn’t know he was trying to do. Apparently he thought playing Call of Duty non-stop counted as "experience" and that he’d become an officer rank straight away, despite being 10-stone overweight with the brains of a tree stump FML
Today, I found out what my son has been celebrating. Apparently, his boss caught him smoking weed and fired him, then had a massive stroke and now has the IQ of a potato, so my son just kept turning up to work since his boss hadn’t had the time to tell anyone he was fired, or to fill out any paperwork. My son is scum. FML
Today, after my idiot son joined the army, flew out on deployment, he then flew straight back home again after accidentally shooting himself. His squad leader said it was the most bizarre accident he’d ever seen while still being considered an accident. As I said, my son's an idiot. FML
Today, I came home to be greeted by my mother-in-law by cussing me out for missing out on events and milestones in both my wife and two year-old daughter's life. She would never listen to "lame reasons", despite the fact that I just came back from a 13 month deployment. So, being a soldier makes me a bad father? FML
Today, my son has failed all his exams, no university will take him, he keeps getting fired from part time jobs for incompetence, and generally makes goldfish look smart in comparison. His mother refuses to admit she should have quit drinking while she was pregnant. FML
Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML
Today, my son is an idiot, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt by giving him a job as a cashier in one of my stores. Within half an hour, I was sent security footage from that store's manager showing my son on his phone, ignoring customers, picking his nose, and stealing money from the till. FML
Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
Today, my old boss is such an arsehole that not only did he fire me last week, he completely forgot about firing me and when he saw me in the shop as a customer, he yelled at me for being late and out of uniform. I swear his mother didn’t birth him, she shat him out the other hole. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
He ought to sign up for the Russian army. He'll be surrounded by lazy, drunk, incompetent cowards, so he'll fit right in.
poopface82 25
I’m not familiar with how the military gets rid of people early on, though I know some of the reasons, but if they hurried up and kicked him out, he must have been a complete asshat.
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Comments (6)
mike3775 39
I’m shocked they didn’t wait until week 2 when they were medically cleared to be dropped. Then got rid of him.
poopface82 25
I’m not familiar with how the military gets rid of people early on, though I know some of the reasons, but if they hurried up and kicked him out, he must have been a complete asshat.
mike3775 39
When I went to boot camp for the Navy (1993, Great Lakes), my company had someone like that and my company commander kept him around until we were all medically cleared (usually by the 5th or 6th day at the latest) and then we were cleared to be dropped (meaning push-ups, sit-ups, etc). After a day of continually dropping the guy, he ASMO’d (Assignment Memorandum Order) him 2 weeks (basically taking him back to day 1). I heard they ended up giving him a failure to adapt discharge.
Marcella1016 32
*this idiot you raised?
RichardPencil 32
He ought to sign up for the Russian army. He'll be surrounded by lazy, drunk, incompetent cowards, so he'll fit right in.
mccuish 25
Time to send him to North Korea
Sinshine 28
Maybe he didn't want to be in the army and did his best to get out? It'd be quite understandable to not want to be part of the war clockwork.