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Happy Kal Rekk!

By Anonymous - 08/06/2023 03:00

Today, my daughter got fired from a high five figures job for making up fake religious holidays to get days off, and for almost a year her boss was so scared of being called a racist, he never bothered to look into it until today, and she was sacked 10 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 394

By Zolesz96 - 30/08/2011 16:39 - Hungary

Spicy

Today, in a queue to the ATM, a hot girl was standing in front of me. The girl's boyfriend grabbed her ass. She turned around and slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 437

You deserved it 2 545

Zolesz96 tells us more.

Zolesz96 7

Wednesday 31 August 2011 15:50

It was a bit of awkward. The girl was a twenty-something and her boyfriend was over thirty. Jó látni a magyar kommenteket.

By oops123 - 16/07/2012 14:38 - United States

Today, my neighbors are moving. As we were saying our goodbyes, their 12-year-old son approached and thanked me for the times I forgot to shut the blinds and he watched me change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 265

You deserved it 29 402

By bobin - 29/08/2011 17:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 325

You deserved it 6 327

Snack time

By oops... - 12/09/2014 05:50 - Canada - Sylvan Lake

Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 612

You deserved it 29 804

By sad child - 27/08/2011 07:45 - United States

Today, I went to my doctor for a check-up. It started with the doctor lifting my shirt up to check my heartbeat, and ended with my gran starting a fistfight over his "perverted ways." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 784

You deserved it 2 714

Jealousy

By jake - 11/01/2021 02:02 - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend demanded that I delete all my female contacts or she’d set my stuff on fire. Yes, that includes my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 264

By Anonymous - 07/09/2014 15:55 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 359

You deserved it 3 832

By Anonymous - 22/06/2013 20:55 - United States

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 790

You deserved it 12 857

By nurse - 03/11/2010 12:08 - Reserved

Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 616

You deserved it 5 467

By ohmygod - 20/06/2013 05:49 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 409

You deserved it 8 465

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 16:00

Today, the guy I've been talking to for two months told me he hooked up with a girl last night, before blocking me on everything. I also was with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 206

Crowded

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - South Salem

Today, my sister came to stay with me in my apartment for the last few weeks of her difficult pregnancy. However she didn't tell me she was bringing her two dogs, her jackass of a husband, my bratty nephew, and an inflatable kiddie pool so she could have a natural water birth in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 499

You deserved it 5 993

Lost

By frenchienyx - 13/05/2019 00:00

Today, I was in Brooklyn for a meeting. I parked my car but my iPhone didn’t save my location. Where is my car? Called NYPD. No car towed. I had to walk 3 hours in the rain to find it thanks to the “Panic” button. So glad I found my car, but the “Loud Panic” button didn’t want to stop for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 2 117

By Foosa801 - 25/12/2016 23:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I woke up my friend and had him take me to the ER. I had trouble breathing and my chest hurt, so the doctor put me on an EKG and took X-rays. I had strained my chest lifting weights at the gym earlier that day and pulled a muscle, and now thanks to my massive anxiety I have a $700 hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 356

You deserved it 1 974

By Anonymous - 11/05/2009 17:14 - Canada

Today, after a long day of working on my feet, I came home looking forward to soaking my aching feet in a foot spa. When I was pulling the machine out of a closet, it slipped and came crashing down on my feet. It broke. So did three of my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 109

You deserved it 4 443

The Other Woman

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 14:01

Today, I found out that my boyfriend’s other girlfriend is pregnant. He doesn’t know that I know. A few days ago he told me that he couldn't have a baby with anyone. She has to be the right one, I guess I wasn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 234

Chunks

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 20:02 - United States

Today, I learned that no matter how much you assume that the crunchy bits in a bag of crisps are in fact crisps, you will occasionally find that your assumptions are wrong. Beetles just don't have the same appeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 536

You deserved it 5 886

Oh, hai Mark!

By SHAME! - 20/05/2019 16:02

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I found out that the last time he saw me I was blind drunk and vomiting after having propositioned him all evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 2 058

It's the thought that counts…

By Charlatan126 - 03/02/2021 11:00 - United States - Hilliard

Today, I finally had a man say, "I love you" to me in a sincere tone. It was a customer, who was high, over the phone. I said it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 166

By FANZZY - 18/08/2014 16:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 280

You deserved it 16 323

By Anonymous - 14/08/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 532

You deserved it 4 001

By Anonymous - 16/08/2014 02:16 - Australia - Notting Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me. I asked why, and he said, "Because sometimes you look good, and you buy me stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 992

You deserved it 7 256

Shitty situation

By thatguythere858 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up with a foul stench forcing its way up my nostrils. It turns out our septic tank broke, and is now leaking into our backyard, and sadly, our basement. I live in the basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 108

You deserved it 2 859

By maryrain - 11/08/2011 09:35 - United States

Today, was the first day of my sophomore year. While receiving my schedule, I burst into tears at the sight of a disfigured midget. I'm now seen as the school bitch for making fun of a midget. I have a genuine fear of midgets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 583

You deserved it 45 016

maryrain tells us more.

maryrain 0

Friday 12 August 2011 0:12

I'm not saying that all midgets are disfigured. what I meant was that that particular person has an actual disfigured face. And yes, I do have a legitimate reason for my fear. I don't feel inclined to share that reason because then all of the people who already believe I was being an ass will still not agree with me. the last thing I wanted to do was hurt/insult her.

Caught in 4K

By Abby - 18/07/2023 12:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Spicy

Today, I absentmindedly posted a story of me and my boyfriend to my main stories instead of my “Close Friends” list where my husband is excluded. My husband saw the post. I’m dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 4 168

By Anonymous - 10/08/2014 18:12 - United Kingdom - Ilminster

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 323

You deserved it 10 057

Good

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 06:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said, "Good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 451

You deserved it 38 276

Ouchies

By Ouch - 01/06/2019 16:00

Today, I learned that bees like to get out of the hot sun, too. And that they do this by crawling into people's bed sheets. I also learned that these bees don't like it when you go to lay down in your own bed. They don't like it at all. Now it hurts to put weight on my right butt cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 347

By lonethong15 - 08/08/2014 22:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 817

You deserved it 3 918

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The Top

The Top

Today, I went to the hospital to visit my grandfather. That's where I tripped over a loose cord in the hallway, resulting in a fractured elbow. I ended up in the emergency room and didn't even get to see my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 209

You deserved it 324

Today, my new bikini must be cheap as shit because I tanned nicely where I put on sunscreen, but where I didn’t apply it under the bikini I’ve gotten super red sunburn on my butt, my lady bits, and my boobs. My nipples look like the ends of red felt tip pens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 657

You deserved it 845

Today, I told my roommate she had to pay $55 to replace a piece of the oven she broke. She told me I was being selfish and decided to illegally break our lease because I was, "making her feel unsafe." Now I not only have to pay for the oven repair, I also have to pay her next two month's rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 312

You deserved it 206

Today, I finally had a phone call after a week of nothing. It was my mother. It was by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 523

You deserved it 256

Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 1 680

Today, my son got in an argument with my boyfriend, packed up his stuff, and moved in with his dad. Not five minutes later I saw my boyfriend doing his stupid happy dance. When angrily confronted, he admitted he orchestrated every argument for months until he got the result he wanted, my son gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 1 141