Today, I got on an elevator at the mall, along with a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl talking on her cell. She spent the whole ride telling the person on the other end how hideous I looked and how I look like a pregnant sperm whale. I was too humiliated to even say anything. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML
Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML
Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML
Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML
Going down
Today, I tried to strike up a conversation with someone in an elevator by commenting on the "beautiful view." We were in a windowless elevator, heading for the basement parking lot. I then had to try and appear less psychotic to avoid freaking them out even more. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML
Sometimes, it's better to say nothing
Today, I got into an elevator with a stranger. The silence was so awkward that I muttered, “Sometimes I pretend I’m on a reality show.” The stranger just stared at me until the doors opened. We work on the same floor. FML
Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML
Today, I was on the elevator going up to a meeting, and the elevator was getting more and more crowded as we went up. After about ten people got on, they all agreed that I should get off the elevator because they thought me being on was exceeding the weight limit. FML
Body issues
Today, I was in an elevator with a coworker I barely know. My stomach thought that it was time to remind me I hadn’t eaten breakfast. It growled like a dying whale, and my coworker gave me a concerned look. To make it worse, the elevator got stuck for five minutes. We stood in awkward silence, with my stomach making noises the whole time. FML
Top comments
makaramiracles 18
D'aww. 99.3% of my generation sucks, sorry OP.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Should've told her to go **** herself. And then you should've shoved the phone up her ass. :P Yeah she's young, I guess, but that doesn't give her the right to treat you like shit. If they don't get taught a lesson, they won't learn.
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Comments (315)
TairyHesticals 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Op you should of said something.
ahti546 11
Sperm whales are cool at least :)
lmfao1643 3
turn your other cheek like Jesus said
VaanBasch 1
Should have*
ThomasScott 7
Tell her you hope she grows up like a poor batman.
IphonFML 6
Wtf. Thats just sad. Slap the shit out of the child
dressedskeleton 10
People like that eventually turn the people they love against them too, because of that kind of attitude.. But OP, seriously, you need to stick up for yourself!
alycion 39
I'd you turn the other cheek, that one just gets slapped too. You don't have to stoop to someone's level to keep from being a verbal punching bag.
stewpididiot 11
Seriously ?? And let that little twat go on thinking its OK to act like that ?? **** NO !!! OP should have started yelling about the smell in the elevator& that someone's mom should have a talk about feminine hygine !!
stephhrunsaway 21
I know that feel. I work with middle schoolers (12-13 year olds). One of them stole my iPhone and another told me to "Shut the **** up!" Kids these days are so rude, and when it happens, it's shocking.
Calyx_fml 22
Or even better, take her cell phone and drop it into the elevator door gap.
PeeNaught 3
GOD help my kids they talk to or about anyone like that...
Nbackus9 4
Normally teens only do stupid stuff like that when they are hanging out with their friends, but since she was alone, that's just wrong. I'm sorry OP.
tjv3 10
Yeah OP you should have said something . Way to not have a spine
BeasterGaming 2
Ur a douchebag
wonderfool1990 2
wow...kids these days
lois2113 6
208- she was on the phone, she could have been trying to impress whoever she was talking to.
colliebuddz420 7
Nut up and say something
thacar 1
Educate the little girl about manners!
j_cat187 20
Mamas gonna teach you some manners!
slurshies 11
62 - *papa's
TheMysticSilas 0
I woulda killed the bratty bitch.
MarisaCB 16
I know, seriously. OP should have stuck up for themselves, even if it was a roundhouse kick. Anything would be better than just... nothing.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I'd call her a bitch right in front of her ****!!!
Jaxx66 21
Naah! OP could possibly get in trouble for talking to a child he doesn't know, the world is not nice. :( Buuut! A fun thing to do, OP? Start coughing, little ones... Rolling into big ones, then hacking- whole opened mouth- loud disgusting ones! Then laugh your ass off when you get of the elevator.
makaramiracles 18
D'aww. 99.3% of my generation sucks, sorry OP.
rainbowsforall 7
I agree, our generation is very stupid with too few exceptions...
Fuzzidio 2
I blame stupid parents, my parents always taught me to respect people...and insult them where they can't hear
Ch0sen 13
I only partially blame the stupid parents. If the world of technology we live in didn't make everything so easy and spoil our lazy asses rotten since birth, half of these disappointments might actually have made something of themselves.
NanillaVipples 2
I'm sick of the sense of entitlement held by so many people like they're owed something.
Roevera 14
I'm glad I was born before iPods, tablets, DS's, xbox, playstations, google, Facebook, twitter, unlimited texting and so on. When I was a kid I learned to play with toys, and entertain myself. I have a sister with an 11 year difference and can you ever see the difference in upbringing..
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I enjoy my iPod, tablet, DS, Xbox, uh..what else was there? But seriously technology isn't to blame. Hell I could say that the Nintendo 64 caused me to grow a mustache and try to catch the stars but is that true? Hell yeah! Haha.
Pandacupcakelove 26
That's what I thought! Man I'm embarrassed to be part of this generation...
atitud3 12
I love that comment of yours. Exactly how I feel as well :)!
ColdplaySucks 18
My childhood toys involved legos and hot wheel cars. Those days are long gone. Nowadays, I see 5-6 year olds playing iPods...
beatlegirl27 20
I am apologizing for our stupid bitches and assholes in our generation.
jetsown08 21
We are the 0.7%!!
ishuvaibhav 4
What's Op?
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I don't know why people thumbed you down, pal. But OP stands for original poster. The person who wrote the FML.
chillyCholo 5
I'm pretty sure it stands for Orkish President
The_F3rris 11
I think it stands for "Original Poster" ? I could be wrong...ya can use your brain and figure it out yourself like everyone else ya know...
Celestia1982 5
I'm 7 years younger than my husband. We both were born before the dazzling array or distractions available now. However, when our power goes out, I'm content to grab a flashlight and a book. He starts pulling his hair out inside an hour...doesn't have a clue how to amuse himself...
mikuxxhatsune 32
Really it is just the upbringing. I'm happy to read a book and put away my phone. Other kids my age would probably whine or cry.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Should've told her to go **** herself. And then you should've shoved the phone up her ass. :P Yeah she's young, I guess, but that doesn't give her the right to treat you like shit. If they don't get taught a lesson, they won't learn.
ak4608 8
It's all fun and games until you go to prison for sodomizing a minor with a cell phone
HelloGuys 4
Thats just nasty...
itsharkley 8
I agree with the point. If a child is excused for misbehaviors, they grow into misbehaved adults. Shuh.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
If the elevator isn't a glass one, take her phone and stomp the shit out of it. Then take her down a notch by emphasizing all her flaws. Now you have a bawling, phone-less bitch!
gottalovecondoms 0
I'm sorry my kid won't do it again. I grounded her for a day but let her out early for good behavior.
ArielTheMermaid 17
She may be young but if she's 12 or 13 she should know that there is absolutely no reason to be rude, especially to a complete stranger
caseylou 12
Sounds like the PRIME time to tell her to go **** herself, and stomp on her phone too.
StayClassyLassy 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It's just a little kid Op, her opinion shouldn't even matter. Funny thing is that my little brother always says 'sperm whale' too haha. I guess it's the new thing to say for little kids.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
Yes, the new trending term is "sperm whale." All the kids are saying it. Am I right, homie-g?
saintsrocksocks 10
I'm 13 and I've never thought of giving somebody the title of sperm whale. I mean you're trying to insult your victim, not make him/her horny!
A7X_LoVeee 10
Oh so you wouldn't mind a 13yr old girl calling you hideous and disgusting?
Lexi_princess 3
If some little kid was calling me names I wouldn't care. It doesn't affect me. Turn the other cheek. #6 is right
Ch0sen 13
Yeah, I'd turn the other cheek... after giving the little shit a piece of my mind and dispensing some indiscriminate justice. The younger they are, the more deeply lessons are engrained, they say. See if she still wants this other cheek.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
She's not a little kid. She's old enough to know better. I'm sure she knew what she was doing. She knew damn well what she was saying was rude.
yabbadabbadooyah 12
48- A sperm whale isn't something sexual, it's a kind of whale, which is extremely large, with a huge boxy looking head. Its name originates from when in the 18th and 19th century whalers killed the whales to utilize the white waxy liquid in the whales head, for candles, cosmetics and such. The whalers believed this substance was the whale's sperm, and called it Spermateci, and the whale itself, the Spermateci Whale, later shortened to Sperm Whale. So, unless that kind of thing turns you on, it won't make anyone horny to be labeled as a Sperm Whale. And, it's not all bad, the Sperm Whale has the largest brain of any animal on earth!
Lexi_princess 3
#76 why would you argue with a 13 year old. It just proves how immature you are. It's a wast of time to complain.
Ch0sen 13
A one-sided verbal massacre does not qualify as an "argument".
Lexi_princess 3
Okay.........
missalice0306 19
Being 13 doesn't give her the excuse to be rude. If she's being rude, she needs to know about it.
alexwarfield333 1
I would make that little kid turn their cheek with the back of my hand.
Nbackus9 4
I don't recall the word "argument" being used in the post.
Teabubbles 8
I completly agree 132. Just cause she's 13 gives her the right to call others a "sperm whale" in public? If that were my child, I would be embarrassed. This is not how kids should treat elders. That lady was possibly old enough to be her nother. If i said something like that, my parents would kill me. Just like others, im embarassed to be in this generation.
Lexi_princess 3
Like it matters what a 13 year old girl thinks. Its good that OP didn't say anything because he is being the bigger person. It's nobody's place to "teach that girl a lesson" because that's the parents or guardians job.
Ch0sen 13
231 - Believe it or not, the rest of us do not live in a bubble. As social animals, people learn much more from the rest of society throughout their lives than from their parents. Your username very appropriately reflects your probably stage of maturity, but that's ok, you will understand this all much more clearly someday; hopefully, at least.
Lexi_princess 3
Why does everyone care so much what a 13 year old girl thinks that girl is immature and all of you are immature for actually caring so much and calling that 13 year old girl names like c**t or b***h doesn't help anyone it just makes you look like trailer trash. And if OP doesn't want to be called that then stop eating 10 cheese burgers!
carminecris89 13
257 You are probably just like that 13 year old. Your comment about the cheeseburgers is shallow and cunty. We don't even know if op is fat. Cunty, know-it-all, teen girls are vicious and will hit you with stuff even if it's not true. And why does calling someone out on shitty behavior make you trailer trash? You must have had it easy, or you've done the same thing and no one put you in your place.
krmc822 6
13 is not a "little kid". By saying little kid u make me think of a 3yr old saying "sperm whale"
mrz1177 11
#6 sperm whale....
insanexnh 13
You shouldn't let people talk to you like that! You're wonderful the way you are, OP!
slurshies 11
huy-ya, motivational speech!
Lexi_princess 3
Awwwww I like seeing theses comments. That's so nice :)
Lexi_princess 3
BTW what does OP stand for? I'm new to FML....
SystemofaBlink41 27
122- obese penguin... Look it up if you don't believe me
Lexi_princess 3
It stands for Original Poster. The reson why I never bother to look it up is because I really didn't care I was just curious so I asked. But that was funny #124
Llama_Face89 34
If you truly didn't care you wouldn't have asked
Lexi_princess 3
I'm 13 and I would never say something like that right in front of a person. I literally can't I don't have a cell phone
MizzKilljoy69 11
your profile says your 19..
Lexi_princess 3
My sister did it for me and she said I have to be 19 and why would you go though a 13 year old girls profile creepy....
MizzKilljoy69 11
first of all, I go through a lot of profiles on FML (I'm pretty sure we all do it) but I just looked at yours for a few seconds. it's not like i've become your eternal stalker
jgduplante 9
Uh cuz she's a 14 year old girl? And just cuz you don't have a cell phone doesn't mean you 'literally' couldn't say something.. Idiot.
TurtleDinosaur 2
Better than a sperm.
elletex 8
Hey! We were all sperm at one point.
inzunza 5
-52 you should have stayed a sperm your ******* ugly!!
Lexi_princess 3
No she isn't. She was just making a comment or a joke. Why are you so bitter to people you don't even know.
bingababe 16
93 - and YOU'RE a ******* arsehole!!
drunkandfml 11
We were all the fastest sperm of the bunch
theBIGmack92 6
If you're ever feeling down, say to yourself "hey, at least I was the sperm that won!" always cheers me up haha
AnthonyWheeler15 24
Wow, that was a bitchy thing of her to do. Keep your head up OP!
MsCowsiecow 6
Little c**t....
Lexi_princess 3
That's a little much she is only 13
Shrike 24
Then she's a 13 year old ****. **** her and all the other wastes of air like her. 13's way more than old enough for age not to be an excuse.
Lexi_princess 3
That's not very nice. You don't even know her life so do t go around calling people names when you know nothing about them
marinus_fml 20
#11 has every right to call her that. Especially since she was only like 12/13 years old! Little brat shouldn't even have a mobile phone yet. 24...but that's exactly what the kid in the fml did so why can't #23?
Shrike 24
24- Tell the 13 year old girl that, dipshit.
nado13579 12
20- I'm thirteen and I believe the girl in the FML should know way better. Her being thirteen doesn't change the fact that she was being extremely rude.
Lexi_princess 3
Not really of course it's wrong to make fun of someone but calling the girl names isnt going to solve a thing. Two wrongs don't make a right.
Lexi_princess 3
If #11 is calling her bad hurtful words then she is no better then that 13 year old girl
marinus_fml 20
So if someone with concealed carry shoots a robber holding people hostage is he also "no better than the robber" ?
CoffeeChickBlows 13
Is Lexi_penis mentally retarded? OH! Wait... false alarm. Just a troll.
capslockisgood 19
Two wrongs may not make a right but it sure does make you feel better.
Lexi_princess 3
Your comparing apples with oranges. No one has any right to say anything mean to anyone. I'm just saying that the 13 year old girl should not have any right to say anything mean to anyone and I'm also saying that no one had the right to say anything mean to that girl.
boofgall 16
I would've knocked the phone out of her hand, and told her to go **** herself. Little bitch.
itsharkley 8
******** is supposed to be small. "damn that round sphere"
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
185- What? "C**t" doesn't mean "clit" in this case. xD The original commenter means "****".
MsCowsiecow 6
To #185 Yeah I meant ****
mikeofthunder 13
Guys, I think 185 was joking :)