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By Noname - 12/03/2009 09:06 - Philippines

Today, I was running late for work so instead of walking the ten minutes to the office, I took a taxi. The driver took the opportunity to share the story of his first sexual experience with a man. In great detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 017

You deserved it 14 565

Cutting corners

By Anonymous - 07/06/2021 06:01

Today, we can finally order badly needed safety gear for my crew. My boss flipped his shit, demanding that I "stop bringing it up, it's annoying" for doing my damndest to keep up with industry standards. I was brought to tears for literally doing my job, with no "peers" to back me, since I'm an HR department of one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 139

By Anonymous - 21/09/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, I got a new computer because my old one crashed, deleting all music, photos, and documents. I still had all my music on my iPod though, and went to sync it to the new computer. By accident, my younger brother pulled the cord out before it was done, deleting all 3,000 songs forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 109

You deserved it 7 090

By cls_x - 24/02/2013 07:53 - United States - Riverview

Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 462

You deserved it 4 037

By stranded - 19/05/2011 11:46 - United States

Today, my car ran out of gas. I was 20 feet away from the gas pump and the only person I could ask for help was the attendant, who'd asked me out a week ago. I'd said no, and so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 891

You deserved it 15 981

Oh come on!

By Great. - 22/02/2013 22:32 - Brazil - Belo Horizonte

Today, I found an old toy that I gave to my daughter several years ago. It was still unopened, and long forgotten, so I decided to re-gift it to one of my friend's children. My daughter immediately remembered her "favorite" toy and started crying inconsolably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 11 842

By thoughtitwasspecial - 18/05/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I found a link to a porn website on my boyfriend's computer. A bit jealous, I asked why it was there. He told me that he thought thinking of me might get boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 568

You deserved it 20 785

Unrequited

By GianniJonas - 18/06/2021 10:56

Today, after spending $300 on a plane ticket, roses, chocolate-coated strawberries to surprise the girl I’m in love with, she still won’t see me as more than a friend, due to her trust issues from her past relationships. She thinks I’ll hurt her like they did and "ruin the friendship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 1 147

By rolypoly - 05/03/2014 12:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 550

You deserved it 5 653

Bad friend

By collegegirl90 - 09/03/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty, because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 987

You deserved it 112 803

By weep weep weep - 12/03/2012 03:04 - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 944

You deserved it 3 855

By angry - 22/06/2010 07:47 - Australia

Today, I went camping with my husband. We drove 11 hours to his favourite site before he remembered he didn't put the tent in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 546

You deserved it 5 955

Denied

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 00:01 - United States - Austin

Today, an Air Force recruiter called me. I've been wanting to join the Air Force for 5 years now. After chatting on the phone with him for 10 minutes, I mentioned to him that I had asthma. He quickly told me I can't join any of the military branches, and to have a good day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 860

You deserved it 504

Pissed

By banned - 09/03/2012 06:59 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 309

You deserved it 7 799

Alone

By Anonymous - 07/11/2019 05:45

Today, I was feeling really down and decided to text a friend to vent to someone about it. Then I realized, I don’t have any friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 090

You deserved it 316

By mexicandelicacy - 04/03/2012 03:09 - United States

Today, I went to a Mexican restaurant with my family. I got stuck trying to decide whether I should get the fajitas or the tacos. I ended up getting the tacos because I didn't want the fajitas to come in sizzling, and I didn't want to "make a scene". My social anxiety has hit a new low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 694

You deserved it 6 271

It was wild

By TheHangoverPart4 - 06/09/2022 16:30 - Australia - Waurn Ponds

Today, it was my daughter's 11th birthday party. One kid broke a vase, another lost a (baby) tooth, and two kids, including mine, tested positive for Covid. My kid parties harder than I ever have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 294

Second time

By Anonymous - 31/12/2019 01:00

Today, I woke up with a rash on my face after just getting over a bad cold. I was told by the doctor that it was a staph infection spread by wearing a face mask. The face mask I wore so people wouldn’t catch the cold from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 035

You deserved it 330

Checking in

By Anonymous - 08/02/2014 00:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after my car being in the shop for over a day and with no updates from the dealership, I decided to pay them a visit. The place was almost empty, and they hadn't done any work on my car. But judging by the used condom on my back seat, somebody got their own oil checked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 181

You deserved it 4 243

By Unlucky - 24/05/2010 00:22 - Australia

Today, I have both a cold and a period. Tomorrow, I will have a cold, my period and my wisdom teeth taken out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 488

You deserved it 3 811

Curled out

By lashless - 22/05/2010 20:32 - United States

Today, while getting ready for a friend's wedding, I was curling my eyelashes. My cat decided to jump onto the towel rod. As I went to catch her, I ripped all the eyelashes out of one eye. I called my boyfriend crying. When he saw me, he laughed and said, "You look really surprised in that eye." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 144

You deserved it 7 628

By JuicyJohn - 09/09/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I realized that the shorts I have been wearing all day say "Juicy" on the ass. My name is John. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 394

You deserved it 53 715

The nickname that sticks

By ap84 - 27/02/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, after soccer practice, I was walking to the car with my dad. My teammates waved and said "BYE POTHEAD!" They call me that because they think my head is shaped like a pot. Of course, my dad didn't believe me. I'm grounded now because I have an abnormally-shaped head. I've never smoked pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 893

You deserved it 5 636

By nomorexbox - 26/04/2011 19:20 - United States

Today, I actually heard my 14 year-old son muse to himself, "If I can drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto, how hard could it be in real life?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 089

You deserved it 13 461

By fml - 20/05/2010 21:32 - Canada

Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 021

You deserved it 7 616

Red-handed

By Anonymous - 16/09/2022 23:30

Today, I fell over and obviously tried to grab the nearest object to stop myself. It was my boss's skirt, and both my head and the skirt hit the floor at the same time. I can now confirm my boss goes commando and is a natural redhead, and also I’m suspended pending a HR investigation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 372

Victim blaming needs to die

By KitDi19 - 06/07/2021 18:01

Today, I was hit on by a guy while I was walking my dog. He said some crude stuff about my chest. I called my husband to pick me up, and after he'd got me my husband blamed me for it, saying I should dress more conservatively. I was wearing a tank top with a zip up hoodie (unzipped) over it, jeans, and flip flops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 191

By Anonymous - 30/01/2014 00:52 - United States - Ithaca

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 405

You deserved it 23 671

Assumptions

By Bellend - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed a flashy car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 663

You deserved it 43 423

By Sadman - 23/04/2011 08:37 - Canada

Today, my mother and girlfriend were joking around and talking about the embarrassing things I've done. After they'd had a lengthy conversation, my girlfriend mentioned, "And he always farts during sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 243

You deserved it 10 829

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The Top

Today, I made an attempt to be nicer to customers at my job as instructed, which resulted in me listening to a handful of elderly people's incontinence issues, and a meth-addict's multiple abortions in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 777

You deserved it 1 798

Today, a woman stopped me and started chewing me out for wearing a pentagram necklace. I explained to her that is wasn't a pentagram, it was a Star of David. She continued chewing me out because apparently that still means I hate Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 583

You deserved it 2 644

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I couldn't tell her where the vitamins were in the pharmacy. The manager came and yelled at me for being lazy and incompetent. I work in the store across the street from the pharmacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 623

You deserved it 2 701

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 416

You deserved it 2 934

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went back to Germany. He lovingly said to me, "I will never find another girl like you. Unless I rip off her leg and tear out her eye." I’m an amputee, and was born with a blind eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 770

Today, when I left for work, my girlfriend had gorgeous, very long (down to her hips), dark red hair. When I came home from work, her head was shaved. I asked her why she did it, and all she said was, "I just got tired of taking care of it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 391