Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband planned a surprise party. He would pretend to forget my birthday, I'd leave in a rage and go to my best friend's house, where the surprise party would be. It would have been a great plan had I gone to her house and not my side dick's apartment. Now I'm totally fucked. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML
Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, I ran into my husband and his mistress. He was picking her up at the airport. I was catching a flight to a conference with my boss. He had flowers for her, and his arm around her. My boss knows my husband as well. FML
Today, I caught my soon to be husband screwing our wedding planner. FML
Today, I found out the girl my husband's been calling "Sister" isn't actually his sister, but instead a hooker whose work name is "Sister". FML
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Top comments
MCRaddict15 15
What a douche. He was more than lucky to have someone as compassionate as you. Oh well, his loss.
dude1122332 9
I think you have another surprise for him right? Like some papers..
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Comments (168)
MCRaddict15 15
What a douche. He was more than lucky to have someone as compassionate as you. Oh well, his loss.
AbstraktThoughts 13
Come back with divorce papers. Surprise! :)
UrCapsLockOn 12
so he got a surprise party and a hooker .. WIN
pavlovaaLOVE 7
8- I'm pretty sure it will come as no surprise ... The prick deserves it. Fyl op :(
iRoc46n2 4
Probably not his first time. You may wanna go to the doctor and make sure you don't get another surprise down the road.
perdix 31
#1, I don't know about compassionate. I feel that surprise parties are creepy. If your friends and family can pull off a vast conspiracy to ambush you for your entertainment, imagine what they could do behind your back for other purposes!
sonicgreg 12
90 You can't dump a husband, you can divorce him though.
stephhrunsaway 21
At least all the guests witnessed his horrible attempt at adultery. He won't get any supporters there.
iHeartRKO 5
That awkward moment when 1's picture scared the shit out of me.
Shorinryuguy 1
Surprise parties are way creepy
Dragunov95 1
102- Yes, she can actually dump her husband. For instance she can dump his body into a river, a dumpster, the ocean, etc. The list goes on but by no means is that man not dumpable. (Yes I did just make dumpable a word)
MDTeddy 13
Cheating is wrong and so is havin a relationship with someone you don't even love or this incident wouldn't happen.
AlexDeBrazil 1
...And Thumbs shall be downed.
larouche362 10
Perdix im pretty sure your the best FML commenter ever on FML. thumbs up if you agree?
Hilda_x 25
#112 I don't think you have much room to talk about someone having a "scary picture"...
hwkfan1 10
Maybe you could get her to jump out of a cake?
RinaVampire31 18
No..
Mrnice 8
Creativity :)
Fmlsea 28
or the window .
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
I find number 2's picture to be 100% satisfactory to this fml.
iHeartRKO 5
84 I find you're correct about 2's picture as I thought the same.
PinkieKeen 20
2 - your photo says otherwise.
j_cat187 20
I get that reference, am I broken?
your_ma 27
This may be the definition of awkward..
Ecstasyyy 3
It could've been worse, like if the hooker was actually a man...or was she?
xKandaxYuux 8
18- Cheating is cheating. Whether it be with a man or woman, it doesn't make it right either way.
KommanderKush420 5
Imagine what the hooker was thinking...
Sandman366 6
74: Yes, cheating is cheating, but I'm fairly sure a male hooker would be more awkward. (Though I suppose he could say they're for her, but that would still be more awkward in my opinion.)
dude1122332 9
I think you have another surprise for him right? Like some papers..
xMiss_Maggot 7
i wonder if he does this when youre away from your business trips..
Yourheadache 19
You dont say......
DjeePee 25
Maybe MissMaggot tried to say: 'I wonder if this is the first time he brought a hooker home when you're away'. Anyway, OP should certainly have herself checked on STD's.
JessieLoren 5
you should give him another surprise.. a divorce!
zandalee 20
Not the duck face! Nooooooooooo!!!!!!
deBlobX 12
Why the duck face?!!?? Why?! WHY?! WHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????
pupsi 3
Or threesome hahahah
Nymphetamatrix 19
*Clicks rifle and aims* This is gonna be one might good duck stew.
jarockstar27 10
That wouldnt be much of a surprise at this point....
AznSamoan52 10
Is it duck hunting season already?
katiedoll6 7
Bang
NiiTeH 7
Sorry about this but "opportunity" is spelled wrong. On another note, I'm sorry for you :[
MCRaddict15 15
I noticed that too, but I felt if I pointed it out it would be rude. Thanks for doing that for me (:
TheArchAngel 8
11- It wouldn't of been rude if you had put it nicely....
alshygirl 14
Wouldn't have* :)
mheeke 0
It actually is spelled correctly. Check it out before you comment.
TheArchAngel 8
38- Actually, FMLs are posted THEN checked for grammar/spelling errors, so when #7 had read the FML (and several others) it was spelled incorrectly, but at the time you had finally got around to the FML, it had been grammar checked.
r0bin_fml 3
No, 'wouldn't have' is wrong! Otherwise it be read: 'It would not have of been rude... etc', instead of just, 'It would not of been rude...etc'. :)
piff7 14
No um they meant instead of saying "of" you should have said "have" aka: "It wouldn't have been rude" when you speak it sounds a little like you say "wouldn't of"
Myo_fml 20
Let's have a grammar lesson, shall we? Of is not a possessive or past tense term. Of is a reference term. Have is either possessive or referring to a past event that one should HAVE done. "should of" : What? What is "of" of? A race of nymphomaniac penguins? Now, when "have" is too long, we make what is called a contraction. After all is done, we get "should've" .
duy0304 1
hes not worth it
zaynismylove 2
aww sorry
SammySteel 6
Free sex just wasn't enough for the Fool.
pdp_fml 21
Of course "free sex" isn't really free you know. There is providing a house, food, clothes and the rest of it.
Yourheadache 19
No you fool, you dont have to live together to have sex...
pupsi 3
Yaaa just pay some money on prostitute house hahha
ohSNAPyall 27
22 What makes you think he provides all that for her? He thought she was on a business trip. She sounds like an executive or a salesperson.
iHeartRKO 5
Seriously 25 I'm starting to think you really look like that.
MochiDango 4
22- Not all men pay for the women's needs, hell there are times when I had to pay for my boyfriend, so no, not all (there are most certainly more than, as a woman I would like to mention... For shame ladies!!) women are gold diggers like men assume them to be. Honestly, I'd rather pay for my own stuff so when it comes to a divorce or break up, I won't lose my crap.