Anonymous
United States
Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
fuuuuuh
Santa Cruz, United States
Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML
AW
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
shattysituation
United States
Gross out competition
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
shroooms
Slovenia
Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML
Anonymous
Today, I and several housemates have food poisoning. From what? Last night's Subway, which we only got to avoid eating the pork that was possibly bad as none of us wanted to be sick. FML
I stink
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML
takeshi
Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML
notyourcleaner
Puchong, Malaysia
Living the dream
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
Anonymous
Two rooms, two atmospheres
Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML
mikesok988
United States
Cringe
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Top comments
EnterSandman_fml 20
Come on, almost every guy is a genital man.
SystemofaBlink41 27
Don't forget to flush...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (115)
jizzwold 21
Share?
pickles1994 18
Share one toilet? That takes serious skill. I suppose OP can let his girlfriend sit between his legs.
skittlestrailmix 14
I recommend using some good air fresheners...
cheekyterier 13
all i can think about is the movie bridesmades.
mb2_native 15
Or one can just use the sink like that movie haha
blackzi11a 7
Yay! More quality time for you guys to spend together!
SystemofaBlink41 27
Don't forget to flush...
Lionesse 15
Flushing might not be a good idea...... Unless they want their pipes to go into overload... But then again they wouldn't want to stink up their bathroom. It's a lose-lose situation.. That... Sucks.. On a side note, there seems to be a few poop related FML's today..
PenguinBitch 44
"Please flush the toilet twice-once for the bulk, again for the remainder, thank you!"
KY_Jelly 10
Find a bucket. Or, just go spend some time in Walmart's bathroom. Sushi is delicious, but dangerous.
GothickNihilist 15
A bucket, tub, or watsebasket is always a good idea.
blackzi11a 7
You'd think the Walmart bathroom would be scarier/worst!
historyfrk 11
Give her the bathroom be a gental man
rocker_chick105 31
I love when my boyfriend is a gental man. It makes me so happy.
KY_Jelly 10
7, you must be really lucky. I've never found a guy who is a real gental man.
CharresBarkrey 16
Gental men are so hard to find these days.
marxistbkly 3
How about a gentile man?
EnterSandman_fml 20
Come on, almost every guy is a genital man.
iammeorami 25
You know WHAT? **** You!
sheethapins 13
It really depends on who gets to the toilet first.
DogsPaw 16
You let the girl go. There is none of this "got there first" shit.
firefighter925 18
there is when it comes to the *****. then its every man and woman for themselves.
theninja1800 11
Your username relates to this so well
ICastillo 25
Yeah then second place has to choose between the bathtub or the sink.
Kilv 13
And then you have to clean either one you just filled with dump. Pooping in a bag seems a good option to me.
kingsian 15
Someone has got to use the tub if needed! This is some serious shit!
HowieDoIt 21
Trash can? Back in my day, we found solutions to our problems. We didn't have your confounded "toy let's" as the kids today say.
Sandsh8rk 36
Sounds like a- *gets brutally murdered with a spoon*
SystemofaBlink41 27
where you going to end it in a shi--- *gets mauled savagely by tigers*
firefighter925 18
sounds shi- *gets eaten alive by millions of tiny hamsters*
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Oh my god, all of these puns are sh- *Gets teleported to an alternate universe where everyone is on fire and burns for eternity*
HowieDoIt 21
"alternate universe where everyone is on fire..." sounds a bit familiar...
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
...... Sorry I would respond, but I'm currently on fire.
gc327072 31
*puts on flameproof, hamster-proof suit and gets in tiger-proof cage* That's definitely a shitty situation!
Sandsh8rk 36
Your suit is not spoon-proof, genius. You got brutally murdered with a spoon.
gc327072 31
**** I knew I forgot something!
Sandsh8rk 36
It's OK, at least we have each other in FML hell.
oj101 33
Something fishy must be going on if you both managed to get food poisoning.
MetallicaFTW 16
Wtf 83?
cupcakechick 17
damn, I feel bad, ask to use a neighbors toilet?
KiddNYC1O 22
I wouldn't want someone ******** on my walls.