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By lifesux17 - 27/02/2009 02:25 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my parents when my dad asked my mom if she knew where he could find some double a batteries. She said to check my vibrator. He said he already did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 380

You deserved it 9 002

lifesux17 tells us more.

lifesux17 0

Friday 27 February 2009 11:35

A. It was MY vibrator, not my moms... B. I'm 19 years old, not too old to still live with your parents and old enough to own a vibrator (though i didnt know there was an age where you had to be "old enough") , to the rest of you, im glad my misery and embarrassment added some laughter to your day :) this website is great for that :)

By ohfuckwaffles - 29/01/2013 05:28 - United States - Bremerton

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 671

You deserved it 23 439

ohfuckwaffles tells us more.

ohfuckwaffles 6

Wednesday 30 January 2013 4:58

OP here. Thanks for the support, everyone - I have told her, and, while she's definitely not into it, at least she doesn't plan to leave me over it. To those of you wondering whether I'm a transvestite, a crossdresser, a transexual, or transgendered - there are waaay too many of these names, and it's confusing. How about I explain it this way: I'm a girl on the inside, and I'm still attracted to girls (a lesbian, perhaps?). I don't mind my body, and I don't mind wearing men's clothes (heck, it's what I grew up with), but I'd like to see what more is out there... I've been hiding it and ignoring it and thinking I'm wrong for a long time, but my control is obviously slipping.

Monday morning blues

By desperate905 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 478

You deserved it 28 929

Forever Alone

By cacheson - 02/03/2020 12:07

Today, I finally felt the inspiration to write creatively again. I worked for an hour on a character concept before I realized I'd actually created an imaginary sister/best friend for myself because I’m so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 465

You deserved it 244

That's enough of that

By really?!? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Wendell

Today, I was driving my 9 month pregnant sister around in our golf cart when it died. I had to push it the rest of the way home. She wouldn't stop faking going into labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 397

You deserved it 4 548

By Nick - 23/02/2009 03:04 - United States

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 300

You deserved it 6 409

Nice try, bucko

By Subliminal message - 19/01/2014 23:21 - Switzerland

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 785

You deserved it 8 511

Nice mental image

By Maggie - 17/03/2020 17:00

Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 650

You deserved it 345

Meat is murder

By meatballz - 16/03/2010 04:28 - United States

Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive." She called me a cow murderer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 475

You deserved it 43 878

First time?

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 00:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my long-term boyfriend and I went on a romantic getaway. In the hotel we were having great sex, I was so close to… and then he farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 324

By LeaveHimAlone - 30/12/2013 04:23 - United States - Elkridge

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 529

You deserved it 3 477

Family values

By Anonymous - 10/04/2020 23:00

Today, I discovered that my very recent ex-fiancé tried to bang his sister-in-law several times while we were still together. The best part? She’s my son's teacher and she waited until we'd broken up to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 746

You deserved it 343

Fair enough

By dumped - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because apparently I don't appreciate how he's different from other guys. I only told him that showering once a month was not normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 153

You deserved it 4 693

By MERRY FUCKMYARSEMASS - 26/12/2013 20:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my car broke down on the highway, and I had to call for a tow truck. It finally showed up, only to break down too less than a mile later. Cue nearly freezing to death while we waited for help to arrive for the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 080

You deserved it 2 787

By myself - 30/01/2012 05:24 - Canada

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 388

You deserved it 3 964

Snooper hack

By Yazzy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my parents can see a screen-by-screen of everything I say and do on my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 454

You deserved it 8 131

Bodyguards

By Anon - 18/12/2013 09:56 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I had to pee during a supervised lockdown. I asked my teacher to take me since we couldn't be in the halls alone. Since class was going, she couldn't take me. Much to my dismay, she sent a school-wide email asking for someone to take me to pee. Six teachers took me, including my principal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 519

You deserved it 5 258

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 15:48

Today, a very attractive man asked me out on a date, and I said yes. He is tall, charming and a very good kisser. I'm sure the woman he heavily made out with after I left would agree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 802

You deserved it 1 001

Protective

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 18:30 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 959

You deserved it 5 414

By lilzoot - 08/02/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, I played games on Barbie.com and gave up after 10 minutes. They were hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 511

You deserved it 42 017

Karma

By whatgoesaround - 15/08/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 557

You deserved it 56 443

By Mith - 04/02/2009 10:56 - Poland

Today, in biology class, I kept seeing a fly or a mosquito buzzing past my face and I kept trying to swat at it… only to realize that it was a ceiling sprinkler that was about 10 feet away. I have no depth perception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 385

You deserved it 18 057

By SomeDJ - 12/08/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 115

You deserved it 46 916

By skinnybitch - 11/12/2012 18:09 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, the guy I'm dating found out I have severe arachnophobia. He downloaded a picture of a huge, hairy spider and set it as background on my iPhone. I can't even unlock my phone, as every time I try, the spider pops up and I drop the phone. He laughs every time I do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 981

You deserved it 6 557

Bastard.

By canadianwife08 - 01/08/2018 15:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I found a conversation between my husband and some girl arranging a one-time thing while I'm away visiting my family in a few weeks. It's our wedding anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 909

You deserved it 267

Cornered

By blarg - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom, so I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then started yelling at me on Facebook, so I logged out of Facebook. She then started yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 222

You deserved it 27 897

Hypocrite much?

By sonofahypocriticalwhore - 07/12/2012 17:06 - United States

Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 646

You deserved it 2 305

Is this a joke to you?

By smiletellsall - 06/08/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. He had a huge smile on his face, so I assumed I was going to get promoted. He then sat down, and told me that he had been sleeping with my wife for the last three months. He still had a huge smile on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 434

You deserved it 3 141

By Brokeandangry - 06/08/2018 21:13

Today, I bought my kids new mattresses for their new beds. Within 24 hours my son did a cannon ball onto his sister's bed to prove that it wouldn't break. The box spring snapped in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 766

You deserved it 325

By Sam - 27/02/2011 21:42 - United States

Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 862

You deserved it 4 324

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The Top

Today, I realized that I will be leaving for the US Marine Corps in June, and the presidential election is in November. I could potentially be serving with Trump as my Commander-in-Chief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 470

You deserved it 4 991

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 525

You deserved it 6 064

Today, my maid of honor, who offered to take care of my wedding dress before the D-Day, left it near her open window during heavy rain. My dress is now ruined, and she's backed out due to stress. I'm supposed to be getting married tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 243

You deserved it 3 758

Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 192

You deserved it 1 140

Today, at work, it was so windy that it started taking the door off its hinges. The door now won't close all the way. I can't leave until someone comes to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 757

You deserved it 363

Today, I flew cross-country. Since the movers with my furniture and car won't arrive for 2 weeks, I packed several bags with most of my clothes and charging cords. The airline lost them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 223

You deserved it 205