The Top

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By forever_young - 13/05/2016 13:03 - United States - Rochester

Today, despite being in high school, I'm still shorter than the average 3rd grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 963

You deserved it 1 818

By un_christmas - 25/12/2012 06:41 - Malaysia - Petaling Jaya

Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 261

You deserved it 4 267

By Sloppy Cashmere - 09/05/2016 21:26 - United States - Bemidji

Today, I visited a waterpark with friends. At one point, a woman floating near me suddenly says to me, "How are you doing, honey?" Instinctively, I replied, "I'm well". The woman gave me a strange look and I turned around to find she was talking to her child directly behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 901

You deserved it 1 450

By igiveup - 21/12/2012 03:31 - Australia - Sydney

Today, it's my wedding anniversary; my husband forgot. My daughter gave me two beautiful long stem roses and said she would look after her sister while we went out to celebrate. My daughter is more romantic and thoughtful than my own husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 050

You deserved it 3 928

Good boy

By anonymous - 16/03/2011 02:05

Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 210

You deserved it 6 165

Secrecy

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 04:00

Today, my dad caught me having sex with my secret boyfriend, so he threw him naked into the street. I’m 28 years-old and it’s my house. This kind of bullshit is exactly the reason I kept my boyfriend a secret and why I got a mortgage I can barely afford, just so I didn’t live with my dad anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 266

You deserved it 415

By peneloperigby - 03/02/2009 06:51 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called to say that my 11-year-old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassels, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 081

You deserved it 32 157

By Anonymous - 02/05/2016 21:42 - United States - Danville

Today, working night shift at a nursing home, I can tell the difference between the smell of different people's urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 850

You deserved it 959

Asking for it

By Anonymous - 28/05/2020 17:00

Today, my crush and I were talking about hypothetical situations. I told her, "I love you hypothetically." She said, "I love me too." I even got rejected hypothetically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 708

By nonnie31 - 25/04/2016 19:17 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I arrived for the two-week scuba diving vacation I spent months saving, planning, and looking forward to. Today, I also developed an ear infection and can't scuba dive for 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 363

You deserved it 939

Cheap-ass perv!

By Allison Arsenault - 07/06/2020 08:08

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years thinks that it is too expensive to get married, go on vacations, concerts, etc., but spends $100+/month on Hentai. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 986

You deserved it 496

By Colby - 15/11/2013 16:59 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 644

You deserved it 3 775

You what?

By Sally - 26/01/2009 00:06

Today, I'm studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 408

You deserved it 5 424

Hard no

By LoveDrug - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Ireland

Today, the only guy showing slightly any interest in me is a Nazi-obsessed psychopath. He uses lovely pick-up lines such as, "Hey, do you know how much it hurts to staple your hand?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 355

You deserved it 2 976

Public surprise

By Pants-Girl - 24/11/2019 14:00 - Canada

Today, I was out walking downtown. A woman walking behind the thought that my pants were hanging too low. She came over to me and yanked my pants up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 2 536

By verysadasian - 30/07/2009 14:21 - United States

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 711

You deserved it 29 327

She's right, you know

By Anonymous - 27/07/2009 16:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 937

You deserved it 56 018

By Anonymous - 25/10/2013 23:55 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been sleeping around. After telling my best friend, I also found out that he and a few others have known for the past month. He asked, shocked, "Dude, I thought you knew?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 719

You deserved it 3 982

Back on the wagon

By photomark - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 611

You deserved it 37 549

Depressing

By bymyself - 07/02/2011 02:05

Today, the nicest thing said to me all day was from my microwave, which flashes "Enjoy your meal" when it finishes cooking something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 671

You deserved it 3 845

GHOSTS!

By fml_anon - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 460

You deserved it 4 429

By CalledOut - 02/02/2015 06:41 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I started getting calls from gay men looking for anonymous kinky sex. It turns out that my coworker has been posting my personal information in Craigslist Personals section as a prank. My wife doesn't believe that my coworker is such an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 524

You deserved it 2 560

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 06:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 068

You deserved it 76 172

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 17:09 - Philippines - Makati

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 094

You deserved it 32 304

By anoynomous - 02/02/2010 05:47 - France

Today, I got a ticket. The officer's daughter is my ex. He gave me a ticket for 31 in a 30 mph zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 741

You deserved it 5 818

Starved

By LoveMeMother - 20/09/2018 05:00

Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 591

You deserved it 333

By Sunflare - 21/09/2018 17:30 - Netherlands - Holten

Today, my landlady gave me exactly one day to move out. I'm not even in the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 979

You deserved it 160

Secret life

By Anonymous - 06/08/2020 20:00

Today, the phone rang, it was some woman who wanted to speak to my dad. “It’s probably his mistress,” I said jokingly. Turns out it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 022

You deserved it 218

By atleasthelistened - 09/03/2016 08:04 - United States - Spokane

Today, I discovered my boyfriend listens way better in his sleep than he does when he's awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 566

You deserved it 2 459

What are you talking about?

By Why me? - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Wilmington

Today, some guys came up to me at work so they could meet me in person after talking to me on Tinder. I don't have a Tinder account, though, and I have no idea who is doing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 001

You deserved it 1 398

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 447

You deserved it 3 449

Today, I discovered that if you are being mugged, never tell your mugger you are going to call the police because he will come back and steal your phone too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 401

You deserved it 36 410

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend gets a nose bleed every time he orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 411

You deserved it 4 502

Today, I thought a pipe was going to burst in my shower because it was making such a loud rumbling so I called my boyfriend freaking out telling him I didnt know what to do. After taking a second to look a little harder, I realized it was my vibrating razor against the shower wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 595

You deserved it 27 825

Sick gains, bruh.

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 86

Today, my brother had texted me, asking, "Why did you take Mom's chocolate? That's pathetic." I proceeded to swear on my own life that I didn't, but directly after that he sent me a picture of the wrapper in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 1 321