Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
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Top comments
etishuman22 32
I wouldn't be able to stop laughing either. In fact, I haven't.
Welshite 40
You need to polish up on your "dirty talk".
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Comments (102)
etishuman22 32
I wouldn't be able to stop laughing either. In fact, I haven't.
Gingerette 8
Yeah. I seriously doubt any amount of love could keep someone from laughing at that line. I doubt it stopped the progression of things between OP and his woman, though, too.
etishuman22 32
I should hope they still kept going! Laughter is the language of love! I've had times where my boyfriend and I broke down into laughter over something during sexy time. It's something normal and fun. :)
tjv3 10
What does that even mean OP?
Chris93Jones 20
I'm hoing to use this line just to see reactions. thanks, OP
areyouforcereal 7
"I will go up and down on you. I will rub my naked body against your naked body until it's raw and red"
Welshite 40
You need to polish up on your "dirty talk".
Nyx_fml 23
Come on, give OP some suggestions on what to say.
Pwn17 25
"My dick is the truth. You can't handle it."
amphetamin3 17
"Bend over and touch your toes, I'm gonna show you where the wild goose goes."
TheAbstract 15
"I will gouge out your eyes and skull-**** you!"
Voij 16
"I will carress you relatively softly!" Or is that going too far already? Don't wanna come off as a roughnut.
Arrow44 10
Cmon baby, tame my one eyed dragon.
RedPillSucks 33
Bend over and I'll drive you home.
\ 28
Uh, "let us unite our flesh."
suboy 10
Theres a fine line between dirty talk and **** talk
apu_nahasapeemap 10
OP needs to learn to walk before he can run. Start with the basics. "I'm gonna shag you silly, baby" and so forth.
amisenho 11
"Everything I'm about to do to you, I learned at SeaWorld."
LowExpectations 30
"Baby, I'm gonna butter your bread."
illegalbeagle69 23
"I'm gonna fart on your face! and shit on these walls!! and pee in your mouth!!" - Brandon. err Brenda
biggestfan23 11
#45 lol too much
HelloooooNurse 20
So, how many of you are quoting Super Troopers?
Somefruits 24
"I'll dance on your boobies and jump up and down on your butt!"
8born8 18
You are what you eat, and tomorrow I want to be you.
8313girl 28
My dick is the truth?! That beats OP's husband's saying hands down lmao
8born8 18
114, perhaps read the FML again.
hannahsnyder69 16
It's my dick in a box
dawnimus 21
"I want to pound you like yesterday's beef" -Eleanor, The Mighty Boosh
Saikon1357 25
Happy birthday?
BellaBear90 27
I think most of us are laughing right now. But good on you for trying something a little different! Just maybe not that.
little_one1 14
OP, stick to BEING dirty in the sheets. Maybe you guys should try kinky fuckery of some sort? Handcuffs and eye masks go great together. Just sayin'!
flashback.miss 28
pffft! oh come on, sooner or later, you'll have to laugh at this XD to her, it probably just seemed like an odd thing to say in that sort of situation.
usernaaame 4
YDI. What does that even mean?
worldclassrager 41
Your done inside....
ChenEighty 20
You dumb idiot.
SgrA 18
You Dicked It (down good)
MzZombicidal 36
I may be wrong, but I think they were asking what "dick her down good" meant.
LanaViolin 10
Jesus OP you can't just say something like that You're supposed to dick her up...
BillMurray_fml 12
You've gotta give her the ol' lickeroo first.
RedPillSucks 33
Is that a Kangaroo from Lizard Lick NC??
xxrogerthatxx 19
Lmaoo, ydi for thinking that was sexy. C for effort, F for assignment failed.
Vnzlan_girl 10
STFU for shut the **** up haha :P
gAt_d 26
I'm guessing this is your first time dirty talking.
CobraLazerFace 21
What's next? Him bringing a saxophone in bed to swoon her?
The_Tenth_Doctor 14
I wouldn't even know how to respond to that.
bfsd42 20
By laughing maybe!!
RawrImaDragon 18
I don't know how to respond to most dirty talk :/
GwennaRose 22
FML should post a feature about dirty talk and teach us how to respond...
SWC_Penguin 17
Sometimes spontaneity is fun, but maybe next time you should plan ahead and write some down first.
Welshite 40
He'll have to write out a whole script next time to avoid this kind of spontaneity.
Typicall 21
Google some.