Today, I was engaged in intercourse with my fiancée when her dog decided take a loud dump in front of the fan that was pointed at us. Needless to say, intercourse ended very abruptly. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my fiancee and I had sex. Evidently, our dog didn’t consent because he destroyed my ear bud and tried to destroy my only pair of glasses during the act. FML
Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML
Today, during quite vigorous unprotected sex with my partner, I got a bit over-excited and on the pullout, my ejaculate shot from me, across my partner, and hit the dog who had decided to jump on the bed. My partner found it hilarious; I feel like I'm going to hell. FML
Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It would have been a lot sexier had our chihuahua not decided to rim his ass as he thrust into me, causing him to break out into a case of the giggles. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex, but every time he thrust into me, he farted. Loud, smelly, wet farts. After a minute, I shoved him off and demanded he take a dump. After a full five minutes of loud diarrhea, he came back to bed, his ass stinking of sewage. My pussy dried up so fast… FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend doggy-style and noticed a piece of toilet paper had been "left behind". I had such a bad internal conflict about whether to tell her or to remove it myself, I went limp. She started crying and accused me of not being attracted to her anymore. FML
Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
People really don't seem to care when their pets are in the same room as them while they're having sex, yet stories like this, and one I remember reading about a guy who was attacked by his girlfriend's cat, leaving his junk looking like Freddy Krueger gave him a hand job, aren't enough of a deterrent for people to shut their pets out of the room for 5 minutes.
RichardPencil 32
The shit hit the fan!
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Comments (19)
BurnInDemonFire 39
People really don't seem to care when their pets are in the same room as them while they're having sex, yet stories like this, and one I remember reading about a guy who was attacked by his girlfriend's cat, leaving his junk looking like Freddy Krueger gave him a hand job, aren't enough of a deterrent for people to shut their pets out of the room for 5 minutes.
MissMizery 19
... Only 5 minutes?? Lol Nah but the whining at the door kills the mood before anything even starts imo.
real life problems 26
If you know how to train a dog it wont whine at the door. Mine would walk away at a finger snap and go lay on the couch.
Mungolikecandy 19
5 minutes what a lucky lady.
aruden 25
I'm assuming 4.5 of those minutes are for cleanup.
Zekfen 17
My wife refuses to keep the dogs out of the room or the bed. The whining and barking kills the mood for her and she can’t concentrate. Luckily our current dog has no interest in being in the room and if we start he leaves. Funny story to that though, our previous dog once stuck her cold wet nose in my bum to get a sniff mid thrust. Talk about a mood killer.
julfunky 29
I find it extremely disturbing to have sex with an animal in the room. I don’t want my dogs watching me get pounded.
MannyWasHere 12
Hurry and clean that crap up, then let her know that you have been a good boy and would like your treat now.
RichardPencil 32
The shit hit the fan!
Madrias 36
I guess that makes it a poopeller.
donb23 23
Perhaps the dog wanted to fan you with what it thought about the relationship.
hpand 5
Am I the only one who first read "intercourse with dog" and thought what the hell.
Glowworm56 27
I guess the dog isn't a big fan about your relationship.
wanted_2_want 40
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This sounds made-up to me. What guy uses ‘engaged in intercourse’ to describe having sex with the gf ?? AND the dog picking a spot exactly in front of the fan?? Nope. It didn’t happen.
Ghetis 396 11
And right after she broke your dick, too. Rough life, OP
pjsr 33
A dog who **** blocks you mid-pound deserves a trip to the hound pound
WHSKitty4ever 23
Who the he’ll actually calls it ‘intercourse’ anymore?