Today, my kids tried to make grilled cheese by turning the toaster sideways. When all was done, it all flew out onto the kitchen floor. Both my kids and my husband left the mess there for me to clean up when I got home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my kids made a mess in the kitchen while trying to make breakfast in bed for me. The mess was bigger than the breakfast. FML
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML
Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend was serving dinner, and decided to circle the table with my son's plate while making UFO noises. My son grabbed at the plate and spilled it, making a huge mess. They both decided that I should clean it up. FML
Today, I made several beautiful steaks on the grill, then set them to rest. While I left to use the bathroom, my four year-old decided they looked yucky and poured syrup on them. My wife was too busy giggling and recording it to stop her. FML
Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML
Today, I cleaned up the entire kitchen after sending the kids to school. I decided to have a nice cup of tea, and then knocked the tea over into the bin and the bin cabinet, the hardest and grossest thing to clean. FML
Today, after getting home from work late last night and feeling lazy, I'd put my leftover dinner in the microwave, spoon and all. I wake up to find one of the kids started the microwave and it blew up because of the metal spoon. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My children decided to make me "breakfast in bed", only to end up setting the kitchen on fire. FML
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Top comments
CuteDumBlonde64 11
Everytime I read an FML that talks about kids, I slowly and slowly lose the urge to have kids of my own. fml...
flockz 20
to be fair, a man was making his own sandwich...
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Comments (114)
agentx52 13
Sexist. So typical.
flockz 20
or you know, just lazy. i doubt kids are sexist, especially to their mom.
AyeTee77 18
Well, to be fair, it was the kitchen...
flockz 20
to be fair, a man was making his own sandwich...
cheaptrix 6
It's sexist to say that's sexist
Discombobulated9 12
Sounds like you have more than two kids, OP.
RrLSf19 0
Make a big mess an don't clean up. Teach em a lesson
rkcxenocide 0
Is this a joke?
thacar 1
typical Rick
PeypeyTheBeeotch 1
Sexist Pricks make me so mad!!! "get back to the kitchen" "Make me a sandwich" "Clean the house" BLAHBLAHBLAH!!! STFU!!
acccccccc 1
74- get back in the kitchen and make me a sammich. :P
nonamericandolla 6
Wow! I would yell at them!
slushpup9696 12
34 - Actually, it was sexist when 1 said "typical". 1 doesn't know these people so they're saying it about men in general.
daftPunKt 4
Time for a beat down..
somebody_special 9
enjoy the grilled cheese first ;)
tparis12345 4
Beat them with a sack of oranges. (doesn't leave marks) trust me I know
CuteDumBlonde64 11
Everytime I read an FML that talks about kids, I slowly and slowly lose the urge to have kids of my own. fml...
TheDrifter 24
Yeah, they're getting worse. When I was a kid we knew to point the toaster at the wall and put a plate down to catch the rebound.
Almighty_Chris97 6
I'm never going to have kids.... Little money wasting bastards.
kei1108 13
You WERE a kid. I'll bet you were perfect and didn't cost a dime..... *sarcasm*
kei1108 13
My previous comment was for 53. 4- If you DO have kids, you can use the FMLs about kids as a guide line of what not to do.
buck33 14
Wait, how did the grilled cheese turn out?
Almighty_Chris97 6
Of course I was a little angel and I started working at the age of 3 like all the other good kids.
Kc1001 14
if your husband isn't a dumbass don't worry about it.
amisenho 11
At kei1108, ha! I knew I was being a money pit and a little shit-head to my mom when I was young; that's why I'm never having kids. Kids today make that decision sweeter, though.
ganjaranja 10
Sounds like my mom, only much more exaggerated :P I'm sorry OP, i'm going to be nicer to my mom, we all should. we wouldnt be here without them :S
LightningCactus 12
I was adopted, moms are great and all but you can't feel that way when you're in my position. But other peoples moms are great!
kei1108 13
Yes you can. If your adopting parents didn't get you, you would be bounced around from foster home to foster home. Or worse, aborted. You should be just as grateful if not more.
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
Your case should make you more appreciative of what you've got. Someone who did not birth you, who would not have any obligation to you if they did not want to, took you in and gave you a roof over your head. If you have a uterus, and working ovaries, you can be a mother, but moms take it beyond that.
subwoofa 0
Treat them like dogs. Rub their nose in it while yelling, No No!! Bad boy!!
CareFace 16
I wouldn't mind having my face rubbed in grilled cheese... In fact, I'll volunteer to be the first! :D
Torva_fml 16
I've never met a woman that was stronger than me before.... I can't imagine a woman forcing my face into something I didn't want to eat in the first place....... oh wait...... Omnomnom.
Artures_way1 23
Actually, the dog would learn not to go into the kitchen. So it wouldn't work. If we treat a kid like a dog.
ImInYourFACEbook 8
Wait...I thought grilled cheese was supposed to be comfort food! But, I am pretty sure OP isn't comfortable right now.
StopDropNRoll 11
That's messed up even if your doing it to a dog.
StopDropNRoll 11
Well this was meant for 5
jessiejess020 0
#6, *ba dum tsss*
BayleeWasHere 1
#66, It's the drums.
ImInYourFACEbook 8
66- It's the sound of my epic fail.
griffins33 4
Did it work?
TexasMud 8
No kidding... I want to try
takeitandrun 13
It's time for you to get back to the kitchen - To sabotage their next meal with the gross grilled cheese they left on the floor. Then maybe they'll learn to clean up their messes and not waste things.
21jason 9
They might be on to something genius here... Take notes
jnaust 8
I thought the same thing. If you put the plate in the right place it works
21jason 9
Exactly!! These kids are taking extreme cooking to a whole new level
jnaust 8
I thought the same thing. If you put the plate in the right place it works
twofirstnames 12
I don't see how turning the toaster sideways makes grilled cheese... but FYL
deck51er 3
Turn the toaster sideways, insert bread, put cheese on the bottom piece of bread. Start toaster. When bread turns into toast, the pieces of toast pop out. And on the bottom piece of toast is melted cheese. Put toast together in sandwich form. You now have grilled cheese. Now was that so hard?
quite_bored 9
Can you say that again, slower this time, 30? I'm taking notes.