Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML
Today, I found out the hard way that no good girlfriend-boyfriend conversation ever started with, "Suppose I slept with your best friend…" FML
Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I didn't have one. She said "Exactly." FML
Today, I told a girl that I liked her. She replied, "Don't." FML
Today, I tried to pick up a girl by asking her what the time was as a conversation starter. She responded by telling me it was time to pick a girl more in my league. FML
Today, it's been since 2014 that I've been looking for a girlfriend, and the average response I've gotten was no. Today I got, "Ew, hell no." FML
Today, while talking with my girlfriend about dating, I learned that she has had more girlfriends than I have. FML
Today, I pointed out to my girlfriend that she wasn't jealous. She replied, "Well actually, I am, I just can't prove it cause no one else is interested in you". FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML
Today, you know how people say, “The worst thing she can say is ‘No’” when asking a girl out? I found out the hard way that that's a bold faced lie. I asked and she said, “Yeah, I’d rather use a freshly cut jalapeño as a tampon!” then burst into hysterical laughter. FML
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Top comments
imustbeinsane 2
Now you got 100 problems and a bitch is one
StoryOfTheYear 15
YDI?
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Comments (191)
StoryOfTheYear 15
YDI?
jwade11 12
Naaaaaahhhhh really???!?!????!!!!
DynamicDave 11
Sorry, double posted. Ignore this.
bitchslapped22 14
I got 99 problems but a snitch ain't one
Sicari 2
of course he deserved that. What type of idiot would say that to a hot girl
keepcaImcarryon 0
#18 had 99 cookies but a bitch ate one
Susieee_Q 9
I wish FML's had an "Elaborate?" button.
BIEBERSLAYER 10
No that one is a sure winner, I use it all the time.
Jovecove 13
Op failed big time, I am disappointed.
n_epic_fail 14
I got 99 problems and a dick is one... YDI
Sammiches 12
You wouldn't say..
lifesucks1234567_fml 2
Woooooooow op that is just sad... No was just to hard was it?
SouthernKiller 4
YDI totally but it's awesome none the less. If I had a hat on I'd take it off in respect.
Naitsi 19
YDI
Bourne_ 5
Ydi for trying to be cool haha.
nalia18 8
If your havin vocal problems i feel bad for son, i got 99 problems but a pitch aint
johnnythreetears 2
Well at least 99 problems and a bitch aint one is better than 99 bitches and they're all problems
jarad206 0
"PLEASE PLAY AGAIN"
ScaughtieHolden 11
An Enzo Ferrari! They only made 499 of them, and a 500th for the pope.
AwkwardPartyBear 24
Challenge accepted
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Actually SIR, that's an abbreviation!
jjice 6
Actually sir it is an acronym
paco1021 8
^^ pwnd
imustbeinsane 2
Now you got 100 problems and a bitch is one
nixter5 18
Dude, when a hot girl is talking to you, you have to be be extra careful with what you say in those precious few minutes so you don't **** up.
EffinToofer 3
You got 99 thumbs up, and a bitch was one!
jjames7543 13
82- But you don't...
aliceb2255 0
Treated.
bestnameright 14
Lol sooo goood!
checkersonsocks 0
I don't really know what you expected her reaction to be.
Susieee_Q 9
Well, I'm guessing OP was hoping the hot chick would have a sense of humor and think it was funny. Although, it was stupid of OP to assume she would have.
xcarxcrashx 9
I dunno. I'm pretty laid back and find most things funny but I would find this guy very off putting.
G97Alex 21
Then again, you're a zombie.
xcarxcrashx 9
Zombies have some standards.
paco1021 8
Actually, zombies are undead corpses controlled by a disease, a pandemic, in which the disease only flourishes on other human flesh, therefor spreading the disease. You're a zombie, why don't you know this?
paco1021 8
-- and being a disease, it has no emotion. No emotion means no feelings, and without feelings, you can not have standards.
Jonkbaby 23
OP, time to bring the pain
captaincook_fml 1
Something tells me that by the end of the night op is still goin to be a virgin....
REX50ROC 0
op, if u got girl problems i feel bad for you son
staythirsty 2
Looks like you are having girl problems. I feel bad for you, son.
GP14brBaller 5
Hit me!
rexgar2000 10
if you having girl problems I feel bad for you son, I have 99 problems and this bitch is one.
duhWINNING2_fml 9
I see what you did there.
jmuld 3
46- with your rythm stick?
GP14brBaller 5
Haha no not with my rhythm stick. With my giant purple *****
IamDre 5
You have 99 likes. I thought i would just point that out for you.
rexgar2000 10
oh man! I got buried :(
koreyketchum 1
Best comment ever. Hahaha XD
bballsoccerrocks 7
No really?
Tsunami87 17
I guess that means you're gay
TheNewGuy03 29
The **** is wrong with you? |the kid|
MikeDa1Da 14
You don't have the required reputation to have a signature on your posts. XxMikeWonderxX
nixter5 18
I wouldn't challenge a very large black man that can probably snap you in half with his balls if I were you... xXG.O.A.T.Xx O_O
TheNewGuy03 29
*lethargically lumbers toward #31* Someone here to challenge my reputation? |the kid|
DocBastard 40
Hmm let's see... The kid: 1400 comments MikeDa1Da: 6 comments You're just like the kid who transfers to a new school for senior year and starts shit with the kids who have been there for 11... Nevermimd, **** that metaphor. Just kindly shut the **** up with your bullshit.
Skinkitten 0
I want to touch your lumps, your lumps, your hot manly lumps. Boobs. -battlekittyofdoom-
Ecklcakes 15
I really really think you don't want to do that. : Me :
Eenonymous 1
Haha, brilliant!