Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML
Today, my mom called me and said, "I made your sister laugh so hard she peed her pants." I got home and noticed she also peed on my bed. FML
Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML
Today, a pregnant woman asked me to give her a demonstration on how to push when having a baby. I agreed and pushed, but I may have pushed a little too hard because I shat myself. The pregnant woman laughed and said she was hoping that would happen. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were changing our newborn son when he peed on her, making me lose it laughing. Less than five seconds later, as I picked him up to clean him off, he did a huge poop, all over my hands, arms, feet, and clothes. Instant Karma. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML
Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML
Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML
Today, I was reading to a child during nap time because she woke up crying. She calmed down right after I began reading, but soon started crying again. I was confused until I felt something warm and wet on my leg. She peed on me. FML
Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML
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Top comments
vrossie_ 15
Well, at least you made her laugh! Right?
slooby_fml 25
She's just preparing you for what a child will be like
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Comments (105)
vrossie_ 15
Well, at least you made her laugh! Right?
Gingerette 8
Damn straight. That is so much better than incurring the wrath of a woman with child.
Aky0n 10
At least it wasn't a rhino, right?
Caitie_kid 8
Hey, it happens! I thought my water broke at one point and my husband rushed me in (I was only 28 weeks at the time). Nope. Just peed on the floor. Lol, lovely that my little dude found just the right position to press on that nerve and make me pee.
br00kr 22
@49. Lol. Long story that I don't even want to go into on why i got pregnant. (Wasn't my choce long story short rape) but my baby never did that. He is two months now
Caitie_kid 8
Sorry about your circumstances in getting pregnant 51 :-/. I'm glad that you could find happiness in your little one though
Little4Bear 10
She didn't laugh till she peed, she peed then she laughed. Haha :)
mFUNdo21 17
no, she was laughing AND peeing at the same time
ajnorma 16
I would have laughed if I was her..
SumBur 11
She did laugh.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
ya op is a good husband...very sweet.
slooby_fml 25
She's just preparing you for what a child will be like
Little4Bear 10
You gotta admit, this FML is kind of cute in a way.. Congratulations on the child-to-come OP :)!
MikaykayUnicorn 36
True. My (female) cousin's son sat on her, started giggling, and goes, "I peed on you mommy."
sdela79 2
Well that's gotta suck..
Uramonkey 11
Yeah her husband must have been totally pissed... on ;).
CallMeMcFeelii 14
You guys act like a pregnant woman never pissed on you. What kind of life are you two living that you've never been pissed on? I remember back in my hay day I was pissed on by 5 girls all at the same time. Whew, those were the good days..
queerdragon 20
Five girls? Wow, its not a Sunday morning if I am not pissed on by ten men and a hobo.
olpally 33
Well, you're a good husband.
Caitie_kid 8
Odds are it's a man.
Spider_Web 11
It's hard to get a woman pregnant if you're also a woman
SlapAndTickle 20
#60 It could be a lesbian couple who wanted a child and went to get artificial insemination or had a stud do the job for them.
olpally 33
Either way, a guy's sperm impregnated op's wife. What's the big deal? Lol. Women can't impregnate other women... As far as I know. Haha. I Can't believe I had to explain this. Thank you slapandtickle, someone with common sense and a brain.
basicperfection 16
Actually, surprisingly enough, women /can/ get each other pregnant...though it takes a complicated medical procedure, it's possible!
MoronsAccount1 12
We can always look at the bright side. At least she didn't shit.
Uramonkey 11
At least she didn't give birth on his lap.
MoronsAccount1 12
Oh boy. That one escalated quickly.
Mossears133 15
It's all ***** and giggles until someone giggles and *****
evan_7899 28
#31 you made my day
Dracoboxer357 36
Shake it off, Op, though I don't mean literally. ;P Congratulations for the lil one on the way! :)
Chipmunksbeware 14
ah, she's pregnant. it happens. that was nice of you to comfort her!
LissaMccracken 23
I feel bad for both of you... That must have been so embarrassing for her :(
FrancesShiver 20
Not if they're comfortable around each other and can take it with a laugh.
YoloHobo2013 6
Builds character