Today, my girlfriend told me that once you love somebody you can never truly fall "out of love" with them. She wasn't talking about me, she was talking about her ex. FML
Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML
Today, at a baseball game, I smiled and waved at the little girl in front of me. She cried. FML
Liamj774 tells us more.
Liamj774 36
OP here, first off, I'm glad this got posted. I was at the game and the little girl was about 1 or 2 years old. For the entire game she looked happy as can be, until I smiled at her. Her face went from the happiest on earth to the saddest thing you could find. Just the change of emotion made me feel terrible. But yeah, probably just another child being a ******** now that I think about it.
Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML
Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML
Today, my dad called to wish me a happy birthday. I said thank you but informed him that my birthday is tomorrow. He told me that I was wrong and screamed at me for 20 minutes. When I still wouldn't agree with him, he hung up and turned my phone service off. FML
InterestingMuch tells us more.
The worst part about this is that he did this last year as well. Except last year, he called TWO days early and tried to shrug it off as a joke. This year, I think he was just super embarrassed and felt like crap. He DID turn my phone back on and called me today (the right day this time) and apologized. Said he was stressed from work. Maybe next year? 3rd time is the charm, right? I mean, he is getting closer to the right day....
Today, I spent $70 on party supplies for my sister's bachelorette party, another hour decorating, three hours baking and designing a cake, before waiting five hours to hear that she and another bridesmaid had 'moved' the party elsewhere. Cake anyone? FML
Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML
Today, I missed the spider but succeeded in keying my own car. FML
Today, I apologised to someone for my misuse of the word 'coloured' in a discussion about ethnic minority issues. They then got even more angry and said that to even quote the word in the context of an apology is evidence of my ignorance and inherent racism. FML
Today, teachers were pulling students out of class to announce valedictorian, salutatorian, and other awards for graduation. I got pulled out of class by one of them, and I got a little excited since I wasn't expecting an award. It was to tell me that my sister was staying after school. FML
midnightxshadow_fml tells us more.
For those of you thinking my grades must be awful, I have straight As and am a top student in my class. There are a few people I know above me, which is why I didn't expect to get an award. A girl can hope, right? When I got home, my boyfriend made me my own award so I couldn't be happier.
Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML
Today, my local USPS delivery man refused to deliver any more packages to my house, because in the past, my dogs have barked at him and he feels threatened. He also filed a complaint about our house because apparently my driveway has branches that, to him, are considered "hazardous." FML
18emikot tells us more.
18emikot 20
We have a Chihauhau and a Springer. The Chihauhau rarely goes out and only has a few teeth left so I doubt she could hurt someone. Our Springer is a sweetheart, she's all bark but no bite. Whoever she goes out she wears a bark collar and the remote is always by someone's side. There are no protruding branches in our driveway. None. We trim them regularly.
Today, my mom said that if I wasn't her daughter, she probably wouldn't even like me. FML
Today, I discovered that the five-star meal that my friend treated me to last night was actually meant to be repayment of the $200 I loaned her last month. I needed that money for bills and she refuses to give me another cent. FML
Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off, so he decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying, "If God doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
Today, I was excited because a friend had added me to a new Facebook chat consisting of my tight circle of friends from last year's summer camp. I then saw when the chat had been created. They kept me out of the chat for almost an entire year before deciding to add me. FML
Alaskalex_fml tells us more.
Hey, this is OP. The camp is in Washington, and it looked like all the people in the chat were the campers from Washington, so my guess is that they created the chat just for the Washingtonians and started to add in people as camp time drew closer. The reason why it hurts a little is that I've had a pretty rough year with depression- I switched schools and ended up having no friends for about half the year- and it would have been nice to be able to talk with them and get some support, even though they lived so far away. I haven't said anything about it and I won't, there's no point in making a big deal out of something so little. To #13- I did the same thing many a time in order to make myself feel better about being the youngest and not being able to do the things my older siblings did. #22- Lol, okay, whatever you say. You seem a lot more invested in this than I am. #44- Yes, we have summer camps in Alaska, though I was referring to one in Washington. Contrary to popular belief, there exists four seasons in Alaska, not just winter.
Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML
Today, a customer complained he never got his sandwich, even though I put it in the oven, dressed it up and served it to him. When I went to clear his table off, I saw the sandwich basket. We had to give him his money back. FML
Today, I got really anxious thinking I was going to piss off the guy behind me by not moving off at a stop light fast enough. It got so bad that I had a panic attack right there in my car. FML
Today, I laid in bed until 3am kept up by a house party. In my own house. Which my housemates didn't invite me to. FML
Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML
Today, at the camp that I work at, a little girl asked to "feel" my muscles. Thinking it was cute, I flexed for her. She laughed and said, "No, really." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. All I got was him stopping by for a quickie before he went into work. FML
Today, during work hours, I took time off and discreetly went for an interview for a prospective job at our rival company. As soon as I reached the place, I bumped into my current boss. FML
Today, I was talking about an essay I'd written for a class that was due to be turned in online days ago. I thought mine was well written and I'd even finished it a couple of days early so I wouldn't forget about it. After a few minutes of talking and feeling proud, I realized that I forgot to turn it in. FML
Akoni tells us more.
Akoni 18
I don't know if this will show up as an OP blue comment since I've never done this, but yes. I'm the OP haha. So yeah I finished the paper before it was due but I didn't turn it in because I wanted to read it over again the next day just in case. Little did I know I would forget about it completely. (I was busy studying for a bio test and quiz all weekend) I finally realized I didn't turn it in about 4 days after it was due online. I talked to my prof. and he said it should be okay. Keyword "should." He hasn't graded it yet so I don't know if he took points off. Anyways, yes I deserved it haha.
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Today, while trying to quit my horrible job at a pizza place, I got so nervous that I accidentally offered to work double my usual hours for another month. FML
Today, my sister told me that the only reason I like one guy is because he looks exactly like the guy that dumped me. I showed her two pictures to argue against it, and ended up proving her right. FML
Today, my boyfriend hasn't showered in two weeks. He says he doesn't want his "manliness" to wash off. FML
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