Today, my son became convinced that his father cheated and we put the fertilized egg inside me to cover the whole thing up. He won't stop calling me "host mother". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML
Today, my now ex-fiancée confessed that "our" child is most likely actually hers and my father's. FML
Today, despite my warnings, my mother continues to go see my ex's son and encourage her to get more child support from me. They both say that because I signed the birth certificate, that makes that baby mine. I don't think he is, and I'm currently with someone else, with my first real son on the way. FML
Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML
Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I took my transfer student, who I am hosting for her year of study in America, to the doctor. It turns out that she is pregnant, and my teenage son is the father. FML
Today, my boyfriend's mother found out that I'm three months pregnant. She told my boyfriend to put it up for adoption, and now wants a paternity test. FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, I found out that even after having had my tubes tied, I am in fact pregnant. I have an 8-month-old son and his father just remarried another woman 2 months ago. Neither of them believe that the new baby is his. FML
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Top comments
MariaGiovanni 25
Let me get this straight. Your child believes that his father knocked some other woman up, then stole the embryo/fetus, implanted it into you and you raised the child as your own with your unfaithful husband and pretended nothing happened? Sounds plausible.
Memeosaurus 14
And what gave him this idea?
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Comments (99)
Kiernan151 25
Is he special or something? Where did he get an idea like that?
MariaGiovanni 25
Did you really have to go there? Come on its 2016.
NotPatSajak 11
Its 2016, why'd you go and have to get so offended?
Kiernan151 25
I wasn't trying to offend anyone or anything, I was asking a serious question. I have two family membera with Mental Retardation. I was just trying to see if there was any issues that would contribute to him thinking that. Why is everyone so sensitive?
shannonmarie38 11
Because it IS 2016 & everything offends everyone. ?
Redgy22 26
Because on FML everyone is overly sensitive about everything & quick to lash out about punctuation.
guii_fml 24
Everyone on this app is a crybaby bitch that gets offended by everything and they all go yeah itll get better yeah well it might but thats just life everyone needs to stop being so sensitive and just live their damn lives thats why i avoid the comment section on this app bc everyone all of a sudden becomes a therapist and needs to justify their existence
GroupWorkSucks 15
Come on you guys, it's !
9a_1z 12
26, I now have that Avril Lavigne song stuck in my brain but with 'offended' instead of 'complicated'. This ear-worm is offensive.
writerchic85 26
I think if he was retarded he wouldn't have such a complex thought process as to come to that conclusion. And yes I said retarded.
tlnorman 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It's mental disability people don't use mental retardation on account that it's not PC and frankly is not a nice thing to be labeled. Haven't used that for years.
Kiernan151 25
Although if he was told it 55, he could believe it and be able to repeat it. My cousin (who is mentally retarded) was told that the his mother was actually an overweight Asian lady and his father was a skinny Black man and they they bonded together like reverse cell reproduction, and he was able to repeat it to him mom and dad. So it may not have been his thought process. And I don't care if you use the word retarded,I use it too.
Kiernan151 25
And I don't really care what you call it 57, I'm going to call it Mental Retardation.
Love_L0ST 13
Except that saber gets or something like that actually makes you smarter just more socially awkward
Memeosaurus 14
And what gave him this idea?
cocacola999 27
I'm guessing creepy film + asshole sibling/older relative.
Murilirum 23
As an older brother, I can confirm that #19 makes a very strong argument.
renouttaluck 20
Sounds like something I would have told my sister for leverage XD
Emirac 10
I'm with #19 on the sibling thing. I'm the baby and my older siblings told me I was adopted all the time because I had slightly slanted eyes. I took it in stride though and put up a photo of my "real parents," some random Asian couple, by my bed.
cocacola999 27
I myself once convinced my baby sister and her friends on a sunny day that a tornado was coming - because "the weather is always nice before a tornado". My parents never figured out how she got that idea.
POSGirly 7
When I was three my older sister told me Elmo was dead, and I kept repeating it until my mother got me a talking Elmo toy in the middle of the night to show me he wasn't dead, to this day she denies it.
delude 26
45 that sucks but at the same time is hilariously adorable
srhearrell 21
Probably just a phase. I'm sure he'll eventually get tired of it. Good luck, OP.
slingerslasher 24
ah yes, the classic "host mother" phase of adolescence
Talonshere 14
People saying "It's just a phase" annoys me more than imaginable.
O0hdear 21
how old is your son?
hellnosucka 27
he finally uncovered your dirty little secret.
moocowmilk0 19
How did this happen? we need a follow up story OP!
YumeWolf 23
Wow, that must be shitty for you to hear, OP. But I'm sure you will convince him eventually!
SoulEaterSE 23
Your son needs to realize that that's impossible
antisolid87 5
#9, It's completely possible as surrogate mother's exist.
KryssLB 14
They do; but you can't take an embryo that has already implanted in one woman's uterus and magically transport it into another woman's uterus. We do not have that technology. Was his biological mother an egg donor, that was fertilized in the lab and then implanted into the woman who actually carried him to term (which is the closest actual scientific thing to what he is describing)? Well, no, probably not, because if that was true then this probably wouldn't be an FML, now, would it? I think the kid (whom I get the impression is old enough to know better) is just an idiot. FYL, OP. FYL.
AC98 19
Stop lying, op, he knows the truth
Crazion 26
That's a really creative kid you got there.