Today, I learned the hard way that my boyfriend lied about getting a vasectomy before we met, in spite of knowing how phobic I am of pregnancy and kids. His defense? "I figured you'd change your mind someday, because all you chicks love babies." FML
nocongratsneeded tells us more.
Hi all, this is the OP. Obviously, he's my ex, even though he doesn't seem to realize it yet to judge by the texts and phone calls. To give a little more background, we'd been together for almost three years. We were talking about moving in together (but not getting married, I've seen too many of my friends get divorced already). To really prove that the universe hates me, he and I were still using condoms, because I am that freaked out about pregnancy and I can't take hormonal BC. This is the first time ever I've had one break. I'm sure I'm going to catch a lot of flak for this, but I have scheduled an abortion for the end of this week. It's not a human or a potential one to me, it's just a burden and reminder that former relationship was based on a big fat lie. Plus, being pregnant makes me even more anxious than the thought of being pregnant ever did, and I was full-on tokophobic before. Every time I think about having my body being overtaken by some disgusting little alien creature, my heart starts pounding and I get dizzy. I don't know how many times I've thrown up on cue just thinking about it, and it's not from morning sickness. I also really, really, really dislike babies, contrary to my ex's assumptions. I had one shoved at me when I was a teenager, and I nearly dropped it because everything about it terrified me. I don't think it's a good idea to just hope that those maternal hormones kick in and make me suddenly like kids when I haven't since as long as I can remember. So...no congratulations needed, and no pro-life or pro-adoption rants, either. If you'd find it in your heart to suck it up and make the best of this situation, good for you. The best situation for me is to put everything about this horrible experience behind me as soon as possible.
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Top comments
Adapdion 16
Honestly whatever you did as a response, he deserved it. Relationships should be built on trust not lies. FYL
i_love_giraffes 5
Good for you, OP! Not every woman has that maternal instinct, and if you didn't have the drive to have kids before you got pregnant, chances are slim it will kick in after. You have done the responsible thing by not bringing a life into the world that you do not want. Two things I would like to mention: copper IUD may be a good option for you. It lasts 10 years and is non-hormonal. I've had mine for three years and it really is no-maintenance birth control that actually works. Second, no matter how sure you are that abortion is right, it can bring up some psychological distress after. If you find yourself getting depressed, please know this is normal. It may be beneficial to seek short-term counseling afterwards. Hell, just what your boyfriend put you through could warrant a few sessions. Its incredibly helpful. Good luck in all you do! <3
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Comments (82)
z_candy 18
Op, do me a favor and kick him in the balls.
Steve95401 49
It's too late to benefit OP, but maybe she can prevent this knucklehead from reproducing in the future.
friday9733 11
If it was a woman who lied about being on the pill, would you support a **** punt?
Selene1090 26
Duh. Don't make this into a battle of the sexes.
OSMC 10
as a guy, kick the liar in the balls for me, dicks like him give us all a bad name..
cheshireau 26
At least kicking him in the balls could cause testicular torsion, making it very, very hard for that to happen again.
PANDORUM89 21
yes I would be pro **** punch. If you lie about something as big as reproductive health and prevention then you deserve all the bad shit you get.
Badkarma4u 17
Please don't get into a violent altercation with a man. Especially if youre pregnant.
NomeDMF 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
At least you can rest easy about that phobia.
nocongratsneeded 3
How? This is actually even worse than I ever imagined on my anxiety, and I'm not even far enough along to have the awful physical symptoms yet.
bapbap_fml 15
This makes no sense, I think you misread or misunderstood the FML. She didn't want to get pregnant and he said he had a vasectomy when he didn't and got her pregnant.
NeatNit 33
If you're not ready, get an abortion. Simple as that.
ThatOtherMegan 30
An abortion is not a simple option to take. It's a huge choice for someone to make regardless if they want kids or not.
zeffra13 31
89 It's pretty simple when the thought of being pregnant gives you an anxiety attack, let alone the effects of actually being pregnant.
smokecloud_ 37
While I can see how it's an extremely difficult decision to make, I'm like you OP. Zero desire to have kids, and I'm uncomfortable around them once they get to the walking/talking phase and there on out. If I ever found myself in that situation, I'd be booking my consultation asap.
hektek 11
you're just as stupid as the asshole who got her pregnant!
aggiegirl95 7
I created an account just to comment on this in hope the OP will see, but OP, I hope you understand that this is actually a form of rape. You gave your consent to unprotected sex with him because you believed he had a vasectomy. Its called rape by deception and its a horrible violation to your body. Take legal action against him because this man needs to pay the price for what he's done.
pandalover69 26
@200, the condom broke, so I don't know if that's still considered rape when they were using protection and it just broke.
fariss 14
Not all chicks love babies, but all babies love chicks - adolf kennedy
Blackhawk706 23
That's a despicable way to act.
Adapdion 16
Honestly whatever you did as a response, he deserved it. Relationships should be built on trust not lies. FYL
TheRockhead9 5
Reverse genders and nothing changes. Lying to your partner about stuff like this is disgusting and despicable, regardless of if you're a man or a woman.
ohSNAPyall 27
"Reverse genders and see what happens." You think it's OK for a woman to lie about her birth control and manipulate a man to get her pregnant?
Allornone 35
last I knew, 29, it was still considered pretty morally reprehensible for a woman to manipulate a man into pregnancy. it's actually one of the worst things a woman could do to her partner. double standards still exist in many situations, but pick your battles; this is not one of them.
Jroman4 23
I think #28 meant that if she slapped him as a response it wouldn't be ok if the roles had been reversed.
Bragi 12
@61. Good point.
TH_Insomniak 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
you can either stay with him an F support your baby together or you can just dump him and go for child support. (I'm a male) personally I'd go for the second one just cuz he lied but hey that's just me.
OSMC 10
even guys agree people like that should just be dickless
Mauskau 36
There is a third option - abortion. OP doesn't want children, the dad is an asshat that lies about very important things and this child will be very unwanted and unloved. If OP doesn't want children they can just terminate the pregnancy early on. Not much point in going through 9 months of hell if it's not going to be worth it for you in the long run.
Polynomial 28
Or a fourth potential option, adopt it out.
JustinJK 21
Yeah but maybe OP doesn't to get fat, be sick, get hormonal, lose her freedoms, spend thousands on medical bills, etc.
toastbrot 9
there's the fifth option: act like some guys do. stay with him and the kid for a while and leave both when you lose interest. in other words: make him a single dad if he wants a kid so much.
Bragi 12
@54. Right, because that way everyone gets to be miserable.
marcranger 29
It sounds like OP hasn't lost interest so much as never had it to begin with. Also, wouldn't she then be required to pay child support?
toastbrot 9
I don't think everyone would get miserable. He wants a kid, so he has take care of him or her. the downvotes only show that everybody still seems to assume she will want to have the kid when it's born. that might not be the case. there are mothers who leave their kids and there are fathers who leave their kids. both is not nice but mothers who do get judged much harder than fathers because people still think "chicks love babies"
catniptea 2
She would have to 1. Go through a pregnancy she has been explicit about as being abhorrent to her very being 2. That punishes the potential kid 3. She WOULD have to pay child support.
icagoobo 19
She would only have to pay child support if she wanted to continue to have a right to see her child after leaving. You can sign away your rights as a parent and no longer be held responsible monetarily or otherwise but would also not be allowed visitation
Queen_bee1234 21
Well that was a dick move.
EvilLittleMan 23
See how much his wallet digs babies. He's an idiot.
hardcorefan16 22
That is literally messed up. I wouldn't be with him anymore if I was you.
Farmillionaire 8
literally?? really??
Xion0014 20
If you hate children, just get an abortion..
XXFMLXXQUEENXX 29
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'm pro choice, but she's not pregnant. So abortion wouldn't be viable in this situation. What she should do is break up with him if he refuses to wear a condom or get a vasectomy.
ptoka 20
Based off the phrasing she "learned the hard way" about the whole ordeal I'll go out on a limb and say she's pregnant. Also, the username says a bit about it as well.
XXFMLXXQUEENXX 29
Sorry. I read the post wrong. My mistake
nyf137 20
She's afraid of kids.. that doesn't mean she *hates* them, and maybe she doesn't want to kill the baby inside her.. that's very difficult for a lot of people
eighthling 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If you don't want to kill the baby inside you, then you also should not want to do the following: get your period, ejaculate, kill a cockroach, use antibiotics, kill a fly, kill a hornet, kill a dog, kill a lizard, kill a cat, kill a pig, kill a chicken, kill a plant, etc. Just looking at it from a logical standpoint here.
kmccain 27
How is that logical?
smackaroonial 20
it's not logical, they obviously haven't taken an ethics class. I'm open minded, but that class busted my head wide open to the world. Everyone should be required to know something about ethical dilemmas.