Today, after 3 days of hearing a car alarm going off almost continuously, the city finally came and towed it. Immediately after, the owner showed up with a switchblade, inquiring who called the city. My neighbors ratted me out, despite the fact I had nothing to do with it. FML
Today, I got screamed at on the toilet for telling the person who walked in on me to shut the door. My pants were around my ankles, I was holding a tampon, and the door was wide open as my mom and sister ran over to help. FML
Watermania tells us more.
Believe it or not, I'm OP and this was posted on my tablet, I'm on my phone now (I'll post a picture of the other account if u don't believe me). Anyways, we were staying with a bitter old woman who believes "everything I do is right" (her words). She started screaming at me for being "disrespectful". This isn't the first occurrence of her messing with me only, and she's even purposely burned my food in the oven for not cooking it her way. Hope this helps
Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML
Today, for my birthday, my friend bought me a book on how to lose weight. FML
Today, when I woke up, my husband was already up. Thinking I'd heard him in the hall, I yelled out, "Come on, don't be shy, bring your dick back in here right now!" A voice then replied, "He's gone out to get some bread." It was my mother-in-law. FML
Today, in history class I was called "ignorant" and "inconsiderate" because I referred to Stalin as a "he". FML
Today, I woke up in a bathtub, completely soaked and covered in both mine and someone else's puke. Happy New Year. FML
Today, my two best friends that I've known since middle school broke up. I'm glad I'm no longer a third wheel but now they won't talk to each other and both use me to complain about the other. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my face. Chewing gum. For the second time. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a $300 cooler for Valentine's Day. When I asked what he got me, he pointed at my stomach. I'm 3 months pregnant with his baby. FML
Today, my mom decided to let my sandwich spoil instead of refrigerating it. I spent half an hour vomiting and my mom thinks it's funny. FML
stillnothingpersonalmate tells us more.
Hello all, I only mashed the keyboard for the password on my old account and have now made this. Anyway, I may have left something out here: this was not my sandwich and I'd crashed out and can't refridgerate it. As I was going to get my own food, my mom told me don't bother, I will get you a sandwich. How nice! I crashed instead. But I did not know that she wanted to leave the house so badly she just left it out at room temp without telling me. Even if I am at fault for not asking her to wake up, I still don't appreciate her thinking all this is funny.
Today, I was asked by my neighbor to stop jogging in our neighborhood because he keeps catching his son whacking off while watching me. His son is 28 years-old and still lives at home. I'm 18. FML
Today, I made a delicious casserole for dinner. Just as I was about to serve it, a bowl fell from the cupboard above, exploded on the counter and made it rain tiny, sharp glass shards on my food. I can't pick them all out. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, I was babysitting for a friend who develops software. After the baby was asleep, I was watching anime on my iPad. Turns out he created an app that alerts his phone whenever potential adult content streams through his internet. It was just an anime, but he's convinced I was watching porn. FML
Today, it's been about 8 months since I moved into my studio flat. It was already furnished, there was no bed but a fancy bedseat from Ikea. I slept uncomfortably on it for months until I realised it pulls out to become a double bed. FML
Today, I found out the best way to communicate with my boyfriend, who is obsessed with Farmville, is by placing a "sign post" on his farm. Not sending texts, emails, or calling, but by placing a message on his imaginary farm. FML
Today, I found a mouse nest. In my glovebox. Made out of the $450 in rent money I was going to give my roommate that I had stored in there earlier for safe keeping. FML
Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML
Today, I entered the bathroom to discover that my brother had left semen and filthy water all over the floor and counter. I confronted him and demanded that he clean it up. My parents heard, sighed, and sent me back into the bathroom to clean it up myself. The towel was soaked too. FML
Today, despite the schedule saying I was off, I found out I’m supposed to be working because my boss changed the schedule without my knowledge. FML
Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML
Today, I told a customer to have a nice day. Little did I know it'd make her have an emotional breakdown and nearly cause me to lose my job. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she had to go to New Hampshire for a few days for her grandma's funeral. Later I found out she spent over $1,000 dollars (on our joint account) to take a vacation with the man she was cheating on me with. FML
Today, after being sick all day with the flu, I asked my husband to wash the dishes after I went to bed. He said he couldn't because he had a large, important project for work that needed to get done. I woke up a couple of hours later to find him smoking weed on the couch and watching cartoons. FML
Today, I realised there's a reason that no one talks to the weird guy from choir practice. I was nice to him a couple weeks ago and now he won't stop following me around the school and watching my group at lunch from behind a pole. FML
Rainbow_Rhinos tells us more.
OP here. My friends and I checked him out and he has a history of doing the same thing to girls in his own grade (he's a year below me). He bugs them online and invites himself into their lunch group, as well as watching from behind poles. He isn't very physically threatening, so no one sees him as a threat, but more of an annoyance. And very creepy. I'm not rude to him, but I don't want to encourage the behaviour so I just ignore it. When he comes over to our group we start talking loudly about bras or tampons and he wanders away soon enough.
Today, I found $100 on the ground. My mom is taking $40 because she was there. FML
Today, after drinking a half gallon of liquid laxative in preparation for a colonoscopy, I puked the half gallon of laxative. Out my nose. FML
Today, fifteen minutes before the end of the day, my boss asked me who I was training to replace me. He then said never mind, that it was his job to choose someone. I hadn't indicated that I was planning on leaving the company. FML
Today, my moron of a teenager drank lube to lubricate his throat during a coughing fit, thinking it would take away the itchiness in his throat. FML
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