Today, my moron of a teenager drank lube to lubricate his throat during a coughing fit, thinking it would take away the itchiness in his throat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after my 22-year-old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML
Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML
Today, I took cough syrup for a miserable COVID sore throat and harsh cough. It went down the wrong tube, and now I'm coughing worse, trying to get it out of my lungs. It hurts. FML
Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML
Today, I gave my kid a cough drop for his sore throat. He complained about the flavor, but I told him to hush and take the medicine. Later, I had one and was shocked at how bitter and medicinal it tasted. I owe him an apology. FML
Today, my roommate complained about his penis being smelly and itchy. It's been a week. Yesterday he woke me up in the middle of the night, asking if I had some kind of Vaseline or moisturizer he could use for the itching. He still refuses to go to the doctor. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, after having had a sore throat all day, I finally decided to have a throat lozenge on the bus. It was nice and soothing, until the bus sharply turned a corner and I started coughing and choking on it violently like a cat with a furball. My throat now feels like Satan pissed nails down it. FML
Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Moron? Really?!?! To me, that seems like a pretty slick move.
bloopaloop 27
His boyfriend probably told him to do that for other reasons.
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Comments (14)
MidnaLink 35
Poison control, they’re probably wonderful people right now.
Bubbilility 27
Oh... I thought, like, edible lube... but if it's car lube it will certainly stop the itching.
RichardPencil 32
Moron? Really?!?! To me, that seems like a pretty slick move.
bloopaloop 27
His boyfriend probably told him to do that for other reasons.
julfunky 29
He’s only a moron if it didn’t work..
CaptLightbulb 9
...did it work?
alycion 39
Sometimes anything is worth a try.
manb91uk 22
Lube is non-toxic so I can see the logic there. At least he's the kind of person who tries new things... Question is.. Whose lube was it? And are you more pissed off because you don't have any left anymore?
manb91uk 22
Well, after I swallowed your dad's lubed-up ****, I felt bloody lovely! Shame his most defective sperm swims fastest though, you could have been SO much more!
protoskore 27
If ever an FML required a followup, it is this one
cperagui 18
oh no...this is why sex education is so important.
Bubbilility 27
I mean... did it work tho?