The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

May the force live long and prosper

By stardad - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my ex purposely taught our kids to call all the Star Wars characters by Star Trek names. I’m not sure what bothers me more, the fact that she did it, or the fact that it makes me utterly insane when they say them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 602

By mermaidkeels - 10/10/2016 13:44 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my boyfriend met my mom. He was curious as to how my mom had a better ass than mine when she was twice my age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 123

You deserved it 1 123

mermaidkeels tells us more.

mermaidkeels 26

Tuesday 11 October 2016 17:59

So this actually happened a few years ago. Last week a couple of friends and I were talking about funny/awkward relationships and I remembered this story. Decided to submit it but didn't think it would get published. By the way, no-we are no longer together but that is for unrelated reasons.

Pure evil

By Anonymous - 07/10/2016 20:22 - Switzerland

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 991

You deserved it 1 182

Bag sign

By Evjoel - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, I decided to take some local college courses to improve my résumé. I got into the physics room and a large, multi-colored sign in large print stated, "NO THROWING OR STABBING." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 770

You deserved it 861

By mymidlifecrisis - 08/09/2016 04:53 - United States - Valley Village

Today, after years in a relationship I realized that my partner does not like the music I listen to, the food I cook, the pictures I take, the way I dress. The only thing she likes is when I take her out to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 984

You deserved it 1 401

That 20%

By MI3 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Oakland

Today, I had to explain to my neighbor that not all black people are lactose intolerant. His eyes still bulge out every time I eat cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 919

You deserved it 2 389

By SHUTCHINS - 14/10/2017 13:00 - United Kingdom - Canterbury

Today, while my fiancé was showing me the finger guard on his brand new, very sharp knife, he managed to slice his finger open and throw the knife onto my leg, cutting me also. There's now a nice trail of blood on the carpet all the way to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 342

You deserved it 305

By Juanald - 05/11/2017 05:00

Today, after being moved to three different employer-provided apartments because they all had mold and electrical problems, I requested a bigger bed. The bed they delivered had bedbugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 704

You deserved it 386

By WellThere'sThat - 26/11/2017 15:00

Today, I got a big math test back. Good news: I can connect abstract ideas beyond what was taught. Bad news: I can’t do simple math, such as 30/-5. I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 042

You deserved it 863

By poopEVERYWHERE - 18/09/2009 14:27 - United States

Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 983

You deserved it 4 348

By SMCHR - 09/05/2011 03:22 - Ireland

Today, after I moved into my college dorm three days ago, my roommate is still convinced that she is a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 273

You deserved it 3 676

What should I do?

By Anonymous - 08/12/2019 18:00

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 386

You deserved it 602

By YOUNG1441 - 29/06/2016 21:50 - United Kingdom - Cramlington

Today, after finishing a two-day course for work, I was informed that the days used will either be unpaid or used up as holidays, as it was for improvement of myself and not the company. They put me on the course without my knowledge until the weekend before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 241

You deserved it 801

Surprise!

By Noname - 27/02/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122 530

You deserved it 13 457

By Adopted - 14/06/2016 21:22

Today, my mom realized that the "door" part in "screen door" doesn't block sound when she began to talk to our neighbours about how much of a failure I am. I heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 558

You deserved it 1 211

Timing

By Anonymous - 16/03/2020 00:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend came out of the closet. In the middle of us having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 417

You deserved it 275

Jedi mind trick

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 19:00

Today, while covering lunch for the self-checkout host, I noticed a customer walking away. I smiled and said, "Have a nice night!" A few minutes later, I saw that she'd left without paying on her machine. I'd smiled and waved at a lady as she stole from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 849

You deserved it 829

By Elisa_LmR - 03/01/2014 23:28 - France

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 571

You deserved it 8 640

By BeachBummer - 21/04/2018 19:00

Today, I’ve been up since 5am getting everything ready for the beach. This is the first nice weekend we’ve had this season. I have a dressed toddler asleep on the couch and grown ass man that refuses to get out of bed. Today it’s 80 degrees. Next weekend is 50 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 009

You deserved it 668

By rykelmb - 27/05/2016 23:40 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I dropped my father-in-law's friend off at the airport, and I got in trouble because he ended up missing his flight. He only missed it because he forgot to check in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 850

You deserved it 822

Fetch!

By Anonymous - 07/04/2020 17:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were throwing a toy for his dog. He threw it, and I turned my head in that direction, looking for almost a minute before realizing he didn't actually throw it. He's still amused because, "even the dog was smart enough not to fall for that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 837

By really - 22/05/2016 02:23 - United States - Denver

Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 298

You deserved it 2 892

MY EARS! MY EARS!

By ashbeat - 01/01/2013 15:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 684

You deserved it 4 412

Who goes there?

By scared shitless - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 119

You deserved it 3 938

By onemoredonut - 03/05/2016 01:39 - United States - Herndon

Today, while directing traffic in uniform, I tripped over a traffic cone and fell straight on my butt in the middle of a busy intersection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 733

You deserved it 1 323

Pubes of steel

By bushburn - 01/06/2020 02:00

Today, I had to finally give my boyfriend an ultimatum. Either he at least trims his giant mass of unruly pubes or no more sex. I feel I have no choice since his huge bush has left friction burns on my face and down below. He doesn’t see the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 103

You deserved it 287

"People have had enough of experts"

By not right - 30/06/2020 23:00

Today, I tried to have a serious talk with my sister about how she feeds her kids. The 5-year-old is 75 lbs and the 7-year-old is nearing 100. She scoffed and said, “What do you know? You can’t even have kids!” No, I can’t have kids, but I am in school to become a pediatrician. Pretty sure I’m right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 725

You deserved it 284

Rock n roll circus

By Zero_TAlent_ - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Gettysburg

Today, the drummer from my band stole the $200 deposit for our rental practice space and used it for a trip down to Maryland with his girlfriend. A few hours ago, my brother and I found him passed out in his cousin's house, very hungover. His first words to us were, "Can I borrow 20 bucks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 773

You deserved it 1 684

Facebook hell

By ameremanapparently - 26/03/2016 12:27 - United States - Carlisle

Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 151

You deserved it 2 029

Cough up

By Anonymous - 19/03/2016 12:30 - United States

Today, my roommate used my PC without asking. Long story short, it's now infected with ransomware. The dissertation I've been working on for months is now encrypted, along with all the backups on my second hard drive. Now I have to pay the hackers $1,500 to get the decryption key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 505

You deserved it 2 133

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Mental health Delivery Awkward Health Sports Anger issues Kids Parenting LGBTQIA+ Love Weird Embarrassing Money Coffee Toilet Poopoo peepee Work Relatable Transportation Airport Airplanes Cars Drunk Alcohol Gross Music Annoying Intimacy NSFW

The Top

Today, I was chatting to my brother on Skype. Out of the blue, and just as I read the punchline to a hilarious joke, he said his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I couldn't stifle my side-splitting laughter, and he's been ignoring my calls since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 893

You deserved it 10 072

Today, I was at work in a lab. I spent all day growing a large bacterial culture. I went to retrieve it, only to find that someone had turned the incubation shaker up too high, and my flask had flown off and shattered. Not only did I lose all my work, but now the whole room is a biohazard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 367

You deserved it 3 604

Today, my country went on strike and is overthrowing the government, and I'm stuck on a night shift at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 473

You deserved it 153

Today, I'd like to thank Alexa for my notification, saying ”You bought a 4-pound bag of Jawbreakers recently, would you like to share your feedback with Amazon prime customers?" My wife heard the message and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 412

Today, I couldn't leave my room because my dad was having a foursome in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 155

Today, I got a new trainee at work. She was the experimental one-night stand I’d had several months back and never called again. She kept making remarks about how excited she is to be working under me again and winking. This is gonna be a long couple of weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 1 410