Today, I was dumped via text halfway through my 8-hour bar shift. I had to deal with my co-workers and customers asking me how my vacation with my now-ex was for the next 4 hours. FML
The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs
Today, as an overprotective mother, I asked my 19 year-old son, who was going to spend his day on the beach, if he’d taken any protection with him. He pulled out a box of condoms, beaming with pride. I was talking about suntan lotion. FML
Today, an obese man decided it was okay to share a urinal with me. FML
The real problem
Today, at work, I was informed that my manager told the owner, "Everything wrong with my department" is me. FML
Slip of the tongue
Today, I had to help pick a jury for trial. I had to do a roll call to make sure that everyone was present. I stood up in front of a packed courtroom and said, “Okay, I’m going to do a roll call to make sure that everyone is here and pregnant.” FML
Today, when I went out to get some groceries with my mother, a small girl came up to me and said I was an "ugly egg" because I'm a bald girl. I had to shave my head in order to have brain surgery to relieve me of the symptoms of my neurological disorder. FML
Today, my mom once again yelled at me for "driving erratically." She texts while driving 70 miles per hour on the highway, but apparently driving through a yellow light is "reckless." FML
Today, I was trying to use the video editing software on my computer for a group project. It then wanted me to purchase another program that cost over $130. One of my teammates told me to buy it, because, "I could afford to skip a few lunches." FML
A like is a like, dude
Today, the girl I have a huge crush on only likes my Instagram posts if it's a post about food. FML
Can't be bothered
Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML
Today, I complimented a guy on his Van Gogh costume. As it turns out, he had an infection in his ear. FML
Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't have to sit on campus so long to print it all out. It just got delivered in Arizona today. I live in New York. FML
Today, I was threatened with eviction over $6.25. They waited three days to tell me and left me one business day to get it done. Six fucking dollars and 25 goddamn cents. FML
lululand315 tells us more.
lululand315 12
Wow. So many trolls. I'm the author, forgot to sign in when I posted it. First, I live in Northern Virginia, not DC, although I'm not far from it. There aren't people banging on the door to get in here, though. Second, it's an apartment complex so no bank or mortgage involved. Third, I had been sick in the hospital for most of the past 3 weeks. So my rent was 2 days late due to illness. I paid the late fee of $200 dollars without a complaint. (Most late fees are only $50 in comparison.) I simply misread the amount of the late fee. The $6.25 seemed to be an admin fee of sorts. They absolutely had the power to cut me some slack since it's such a small amount. It's just a poorly run office. Fourth, VA isn't very nice to renters as a rule. They absolutely could've gone to the courthouse and gotten a '5 day pay or quit' notice. Which means if I didn't pay, on day 6 a sheriff's deputy would have showed up at my door and forcibly removed me, my daughter and our belongings. As an aside, homeowners in VA who get evicted are given about a week, not 30-60 days to move. Fifth, I desperately wanted to pay it in pennies. But they wouldn't even accept a personal check. It had to be a cashiers check or money order. So yes, I had to drive crosstown to the Walmart with the working money order machine and pay an additional 70 cents for a money order. Finally, when I turned in my rent + $200 late fee the man behind the desk made me wait while he opened the envelope and checked to see if the amount was correct. He told me it was fine so I thanked him for his time and left, thinking all was okay. They waited until 3 full days later to tell me about the 6.25, never admitting that the guy behind the desk had given me the wrong information and told me everything was okay, when it clearly wasn't. I had one business day to get it handled and I had a lot of important stuff going on that I had to put on hold bc of their incompetence. And yes, I will be writing to the higher ups to complain about it. To the poster who asked, I think I will write my next rent check in ******* dollars and goddamn cents. To all the trolls saying I'm trying to take advantage, I sincerely hope you never make an honest mistake after being sick in the hospital for 3 weeks.
Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML
Today, I found out after a lot of panic and a visit to the gynecologist that the lump in my vagina isn't cancer. I was just constipated. FML
Today, I had the most Chicago experience ever. While I was eating my delicious, deep dish pizza, someone was ripping the rims off my car 15 feet away. FML
Today, I learned that there's a billboard-sized photo of me and my ex hanging in the airport advertising my college. Travelers from all over the world have now seen me smiling at graduation with the guy who cheated on me after 3 years together. FML
Freaky
Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML
Devious
Today, we got our yearbooks for school. I opened to my profile to see that they misspelled my first name which is James. They wrote Lames. FML
Stabie genius
Today, I fired all 12 of my employees, purely out of anger and frustration. Realizing my mistake when I'd calmed down, I called each employee and apologized, asking if they'd come back. Only one said yes. The mailroom clerk. FML
Sex work is real work
Today, I just found out my best friend is a hooker. I just thought she worked nights and had terrible taste in clothes. FML
Today, on my holiday in Thailand I was using the ATM to withdraw $500 worth of Baht. While doing this the ATM crashed and decided to restart. After 5 minutes it spat my card out and nothing else. When I returned to the hotel to use the Wifi, the ATM had deducted the money from my account. FML
Apparently not.
Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend texted me asking, “We are in an open relationship, right?” FML
Office Space 2: Electric Boogaloo
Today, I had to visit a new office building for a meeting. Halfway through the meeting, I got really nauseous and needed to throw up. I ran to find a bathroom, but got lost and ended up in a printing room. With no other option, I was forced to puke into a large envelope. FML
Today, it's so insanely hot that no matter how often I shower or use deodorant the smell of my armpits makes me feel physically sick. FML
Today, I was terminated from my job. This comes after I sent HR an email about an inappropriate relationship between my manager and a counselor. Seems like I should have kept my mouth shut. FML
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, I got threatened with a gun at the drive-thru, all because my coworker forgot to include extra fries in the guy's order. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, I was told that I was a terrible mother, I was ruining my daughter’s life and that I was raising her to be promiscuous. Why? Because I'd painted my 2-year-old’s fingernails. FML