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Help!

By send help - 07/03/2017 02:00

Today, at the Japanese restaurant I work for, we have 95 reservations and three servers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 459

You deserved it 409

By hi_im_ughlee - 05/11/2015 03:36

Today, I broke up with the guy I was seeing because he has a bad temper. He refused to believe me and decided that the best way to prove me wrong was to completely destroy my newly built house, inside and out, while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 966

You deserved it 1 697

hi_im_ughlee tells us more.

hi_im_ughlee 19

Thursday 5 November 2015 18:42

Hey, guys! I'm OP. I'm glad most of you are supportive about this! Charges have been filed and he will be sued for all damages. He actually did break in, and he broke all the windows and doors, smashed all the lights and mirrors, took a hammer to the brick outside and the walls inside, and destroyed my deck. I had mini cameras installed to make sure no one would steal anything while the house was still being worked on, so I've got irrefutable proof that it was him and slowly but surely he will be brought down.

By Shoutout1011 - 15/04/2017 22:00

Today, my 6-month-old daughter decided she'd scream every time I'd answer her cries instead of her daddy. He just left for a 12-hour shift at work. Only 11 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 653

You deserved it 481

Prank war W

By Anonymous - 20/08/2014 21:03 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 423

You deserved it 9 956

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 22:00

Today, I let my 19-year-old son drive my Lexus to his date. At 11:00 p.m., I watched him pull into the driveway with a broken taillight, marks and scratches all over the car, the front bumper missing, and him being nearly passed out because he's so drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 1 660

By Mayrose125 - 29/11/2016 07:32

Today, I learned that my boss is training one the the trainees I trained to be supervisor. Everyone supports this, including me. So what's the issue? I was promised that position almost 2 years ago. Apparently, I train people well enough to promote, but I'm not good enough to be promoted myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 820

You deserved it 793

By Charley - 25/11/2016 10:44

Today, I was teaching a new student their first ever piano lesson, hoping that they would sign up for more lessons. Thirty minutes had gone by and after the 5th time of me saying what a talented, sweet little girl she was, the mother told me it was in fact a boy. They didn't sign up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 910

You deserved it 3 113

By PinkMonkeys - 23/11/2016 18:33

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending me flowers that said, "I just need some space, forever. I hope I never see you again, even if you were a great person. It's not you it's me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 628

You deserved it 895

Hobbies

By Stinkycar - 05/06/2017 12:00

Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 690

You deserved it 548

Entitled much?

By Knittedbirch - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my mom volunteered me to house-sit for one of her friends. This lady has texted me over ten times in less than 24 hours, called me unreasonable for not dropping jury duty to meet with her, and has messaged my mom multiple times to complain about me. My mom already said I would do this for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 213

You deserved it 1 772

I LOVED THAT LITTLE GUY

By Anonymous - 30/05/2012 05:46 - United States - San Diego

Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 223

You deserved it 8 525

Bad day

By mandieee - 15/06/2017 20:00

Today, I had my first shift as a server at a restaurant after getting stuck behind an accident and arriving late, apologizing profusely. Apparently no one knew I'd been hired but I was still yelled at for tardiness. They then made me clean a fridge for 4 hours and paid me in pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 299

You deserved it 394

By King_of_Cha0s - 15/09/2015 18:05 - United States - San Jose

Today, my PE teacher yelled at me for not trying hard enough in class. This my second week back after being in the hospital with a collapsed lung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 033

You deserved it 1 746

By ripmylife - 10/10/2016 17:53 - Germany - Herford

Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 731

You deserved it 2 139

Sussy

By Anonymous - 19/08/2019 16:00

Today, my husband is still swearing he’s not cheating, forgetting I have a bachelor's in criminal justice with a minor in criminology. Leaving for work 2 hours early going to the same address every morning? Late every evening going to the same said address? How stupid does he think I am? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 315

You deserved it 400

Psycho

By Anonymous - 24/08/2016 12:16

Today, my dad's psycho ex broke in and had a meltdown about how he's dating another woman now. She's barely 100 pounds, yet it took me and my brother several minutes and one smashed shin to finally manage to drag her out of the house, all while my dad called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 606

You deserved it 989

Insult to insult

By Anonymous - 05/10/2017 20:00

Today, I was crying after a bad day at work. As I walked down the street, a young boy in a minivan tried to get my attention. He kept saying, "Hi, hi, please wave!" in a sad voice. When I politely waved at him, I saw a group of kids in the van giggling hysterically and taking pictures of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 317

You deserved it 291

Fight Yoga, try anxiety!

By thegoalie - 16/09/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I overheard this girl I don't really know say that she had cramps. Trying to be helpful, I turned round and told her she should stretch out where she had them. She then asked how the fuck she was supposed to stretch her ovaries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 2 788

Assumptions

By Epithymia - 15/08/2016 15:09 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I went to the chiropractor for a check up. She was going through some of the ways to help my posture and mentioned something that I've never heard before. My fat ass thought it was a type of food. Turns out it was a sports routine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 644

You deserved it 3 016

Is gift for you

By NotAThief - 14/08/2016 22:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a store to buy some noodles, but they were out, so I left empty handed. When I left, the store the alarm went off so I was called back in, and they searched my bag. They didn't find any stolen goods. They did find a dead mouse my cat must have left for me, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 566

You deserved it 1 093

Not a good sign

By DeepFriedZombie - 09/08/2016 00:18

Today, I went to my first job interview. I didn't think I was doing too badly, until the interviewer said, "Wait a second, you're in high school?" I explained that the guy who'd called me had said that this wouldn't be a problem. I then watched as my interviewer left his desk to "deal" with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 111

You deserved it 1 188

Hard work

By seanzynotfonzyehhhhh - 04/08/2016 05:16 - United States

Today, my boss told me to find the bad smell coming from the apartment we were working on. I found the bathtub about 4 inches high full of piss, and spent the next hour bailing it out into a bucket because the drain wasn't connected yet. I have pee stains in all the wrong places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 712

You deserved it 872

Cost effective

By apawn - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I had the option of choosing a train or a plane to get to my destination. The train was cheaper but took 4 hours longer, so I picked the plane. My flight was delayed, so I essentially paid more to arrive later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 235

You deserved it 1 965

By aintgotnoteeth - 19/07/2016 17:53

Today, after 6 dentist visits, 2 root canals, and $1,500 that I'll likely have to sell vital organs to pay, the agonizing tooth pain I've had for months is unrelenting. Apparently, shrugging and offering to experimentally yank all my bottom teeth is my smurf-shit of a dentist's actual plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 358

You deserved it 1 155

Knackered

By Nyah Murphy - 05/12/2017 19:00

Today, I fell asleep for 20 minutes during my first final in law school. I took a $70k loan to be here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 173

You deserved it 5 069

Easy mistake to make

By Becca Velveeta - 26/10/2019 14:00

Today, my mother's boyfriend sent me pictures of my mom sucking him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 306

You deserved it 204

By broke - 09/07/2016 07:36

Today, just like the past 2 weeks, I'm so broke that I only got to eat dinner because I went on a first date with a guy from Tinder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 480

You deserved it 2 714

The taste test

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 07:59

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me when I went to give him a blowjob after he got home and his knob tasted different. It was the other woman’s fanny juice still on him because he hadn’t had a shower yet. So f…ing angry and grossed out right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 102

You deserved it 250

Alexa, play "Gigantic" by Pixies

By Anonymous - 04/03/2020 15:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother was officially diagnosed with gigantism. According to the specialist doctor, he'll probably be 8 feet tall, if not taller. Hearing this, my brother looked at me and said, "Remember when you used to pick on me for being smaller than you? Karma's a bitch, ain't it?" I’m so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 2 340

By Goodyear - 20/01/2014 03:59 - United States - Glendale

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 635

You deserved it 10 037

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The Top

Today, I went into work early so I could get my work all done and leave on time, rather than staying back. The later shift starters had other ideas and called in sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 866

You deserved it 2 288

Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't feel attractive. I tried to cheer him up by telling him that I find him very attractive, and so do my friends. He said that didn't matter, because my friends and I aren't attractive either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 510

You deserved it 4 371

Today, I asked my boyfriend advice on apartment hunting - as we were planning to move in with each other. He told me that there is no way he can afford to move out of his parents' house anytime soon. He can, however, afford a collection of belt-fed automatic nerf guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 116

You deserved it 6 390

Today, I have dark hairs growing on my chest, nipples and stomach... I'm a 19 year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 452

You deserved it 3 522

Today, my mom had a breakdown. I found her on the kitchen floor, sober, but naked from the waist down, all her hair cut off with a knife, and eating her way through all our tins of cat food. I wish I could say this was her first time but it’s not, it’s her fourth. I don’t know what to do anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 144

Today, my 15 year-old daughter decided that the best way to indulge her rebellious impulses was to sleep with the 30-something convict down the street, get pregnant, and try to convince him to let her move in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 122